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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just need honest advice from anyone

154 replies

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 11:58

My boyfriend in the first year of our relationship was sending and receiving naked pics from girls on Snapchat and then lying that it was a software error.

I later found out he was on these dating websites and escort websites and was even offering himself to be a male escort for money,

In the second year I found out he has been cheating on me with escorts over and over and he must have connected with one emotionally because he let one in his work place (as he was a career) and she later reported him for it, he got sacked because of that!

I still stayed with him and he is severely dyslexic so I helped him find a job as a bus driver. He then had to move to Chelmsford

I also later found out on his DBS that he got in trouble with the police for trying to chat up an underaged girl who was in her school uniform.

Soon his discharge from work due to letting a prostitute in will probably appear on the dbs

Later last year I caught messages on his phone trying to book a different prostitutes and even when I showed him the proof he STILL denied it and said someone had hacked his phone, I later found out he had been using another phone to do this! And it showed on I message.

We agreed I could keep the phone for a bit of reassurance that he isnt using it for these stuff

Not long after, the phone was missing,
He listened to me on the phone looking for the phone and crying and kept denying he took it, it took him two days to finally admit he took it, cruelty at its best.

After three years of being together I recently found out that he has been going on plenty of fish.

Aside all of these things he cannot tell the truth to save his life, he is constantly lying even when he doesn’t need to.

The first time he cheated I got so hurt and upset and wanted to hurt him so I went and cheated on him twice. And I sent him the audio recording so it could cut him deep. I know that was wrong but I am so bitter and resent him. I am the most loyal person ever but he hurt me sooo soo much he’s just done too many stuff and so I feel like I have changed into this careless person.

Recently I went to sleep at another guys house and wanked him off after me and my bf had an argument.

My bf found out and forgave me.

I still feel that he has done way more than me and both times I have cheated it has been out of pain and betrayal

But when he has cheated it has just been for no reason at all because I do have sex with him, so that means it’s just something he wants to do.

Cheating is wrong anyway I understand that.

We are still together but things are now falling apart

I have got a really good job in Bristol and my boyfriend agreed to move with me and put in a transfer with his bus company

But we argued last week so I left for a few days and when I came back all of a sudden he said he wanted space and he doesn’t want to go to Bristol anymore anymore

We talked a bit and he said he will only go once I get confirmation for my start date( it’s with hmrc and they recruit almost a year in advance ), the problem is that is that they not give start dates a month in advance and it is likely his transfer will take longer than that ( he knows this ). I feel like this is a way to get me to go and he will never come.

But the plan was to move there and start a new life

The past few days he has said he will go then when we argue all of a sudden he says he doesn’t want to, he first said it’s cause he’s settled in and it took him a lot of hard work to learn to be a bus driver due to his learning disability. ( even though he’s got a transfer with the same company). Then he said it’s risky cause we are not stable, but I’m taking the same risk tho. Just excuses excuses.

First he said he hasn’t cancelled his transfer, then later he said he had. I have anxiety and this lying just puts me on edge, he knows this.

I have made him understand that if he doesn’t come with me in July this relationship is over because I have invested so much time in him supported him in uni because he didn’t even know he was severely dyslexic and was ignoring the signs, he couldn’t finish uni but that first year I did most of his assignments along side my own for uni.

Every job he has ever gotten I have helped him prepare for the interview and taken tests for him, he knows how hard I have worked throughout uni and I finally got a job above 31 k related to what I Studied in uni so now it’s his turn to support me.

I am not doing no long distance I feel I deserve bette than that from him after everything I have done for him.

I feel so hurt and i know that this relationship has gotten so bad but I don’t want to give up.

OP posts:
BeenThereDone · 09/04/2019 16:11

If this is actually real you don't need relationship counselling my dear, you need counselling just for you so you can recognised just how fucked up this is

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 16:20

I know it’s fucked up

The funny thing is he has come home now and I sent screenshots of all the stuff you guys have said previously and he’s seen them

Not a word from him, just quiet lying here with his eyes closed it’s almost as if he is waiting for me to say something. I won’t say shit.

Bully

OP posts:
HowlsMovingBungalow · 09/04/2019 16:22

This thread is batshit.

PositiveVibez · 09/04/2019 16:27

Holy fucking shit!!!

Ehat the actual fuck are you doing with this sleazy pervert.

A telling off from the police would not show up on a DBS check.

It sounds like he has been done for grooming.

Get yourself to Bristol and dump this absolute piece of shit. Block him on everything. Although I doubt you will hear from him once you move.

shadyzadie123 · 09/04/2019 16:41

OP, you remind me of an old school friend of mine who met her boyfriend at 18 and stuck with him through the most appalling behaviour. It was as if walking away from him wasn't an option, I think largely because in her family all the women settled down young and there was a 'you've made you're bed, now lie in it' attitude to relationships. As if you get one choice of partner and once you've made it, that's it!

I want to say just because you are with him, that doesn't mean you have to stay with him. You're accepting and putting up with the most appalling behaviour out of some sense of 'loyalty', but you don't have to stay and work through this at all. You're young, you have a good career (well done on the job offer), you can walk away from this and have a great life. He is a loser, he is no great catch and you deserve (and will get) so much better.

bakereld · 09/04/2019 16:42

Leave this guy, he's causing you way too much drama and stress. You're young, with a decent job, you don't need somebody like this in your life.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 16:47

We are still together but things are now falling apart

What do you mean it's falling apart now it fell apart a long time ago.

Wtf are you doing together? Why are you clinging on to this lying cheating waster? Kick him to the kerb where he belongs.

f83mx · 09/04/2019 16:48

How’s your school hols going? Bored? Reported.

Pianobook · 09/04/2019 16:54

You don’t sound like educated university students.

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 16:57

I appreciate the feedback but there’s no need to insult me tbh
Emotional abuse can happen to anyone it doesn’t Depict how educated or successful I am

OP posts:
Snuggz · 09/04/2019 17:20

This has got to be a windup thread. Surely no adult woman can be that gullible and stupid? You don’t get something on your DBS for just taking to a child! Wake the fuck up!

Why are you harping on about him buying you a ring? Are you seriously considering it? Who cares if he knows your family, they’re not having a relationship with him! Dump this fucking weirdo ASAP, move to Bristol and then spend copious amounts of time in intense therapy. Jesus wept.

Mrsmummy90 · 09/04/2019 17:27

You said "thing are now going wrong" well they've never really gone right have they?

Aside the fact that he's a cheater and liar, he was chatting up an underage girl so he's also a pedophile. Have some self respect and leave! Why would you ever want to make it work with a pedophile?? 🙄

TacoLover · 09/04/2019 18:06

My boyfriend in the first year of our relationship was sending and receiving naked pics from girls on Snapchat and then lying that it was a software error.

You believed this??? How can receiving naked photos of girls be a software error?!

You need to leave the abusive bastard. But I'm also Confused at the fact that you were disgusting enough to record yourself having sex with someone else and send it to him as some kind of sick revenge. What about the poor man you had sex with? Did he consent to being recorded??

Hmm
mooncuplanding · 09/04/2019 18:13

This has to be a joke!

Are you just waiting around to see what the next pile of shit entails?

He uses prostitutes
He’s gay/bi but hasn’t told you
He cheats
He’s moody and aggressive
Can’t hold down a job

Only thing left is an addiction of some kind....I’m betting on drugs.

What a wonderful life for you OP

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 18:39

I have finally left, blocked him everywhere I’ve got my passport and I’m just about to make my journey home.
Thanks for all the advice but again I don’t appreciate the insults
Thanks again to you all and God bless

OP posts:
DBML · 09/04/2019 18:46

There is a nice contented life out there, just waiting for you.
It’s your choice to live like this in the meantime.

rosabug · 09/04/2019 18:47

"Relationship counselling" ??....Dear god - no. That will just keep to attached to the idea you can 'fix' him.

To quote a much quoted statement made by the author Maya Angelou.

HE HAS SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS - BELIEVE HIM.

sheepiesheepie · 09/04/2019 19:01

What a turnaround. The power of Mumsnet.

I also later found out on his DBS that he got in trouble with the police for trying to chat up an underaged girl who was in her school uniform.

And this doesn't make your skin crawl?

In the second year I found out he has been cheating on me with escorts over and over and he must have connected with one emotionally because he let one in his work place (as he was a career) and she later reported him for it, he got sacked because of that!

He's a carer?! Was this incident before or after the school kid incident?
But I'm also at the fact that you were disgusting enough to record yourself having sex with someone else and send it to him as some kind of sick revenge. What about the poor man you had sex with? Did he consent to being recorded??

Indeed.

IndieTara · 09/04/2019 19:12

Report your passport as stolen

IndieTara · 09/04/2019 19:13

Just saw your update!

DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/04/2019 19:16

Well done for summoning up the strength to get rid of this fucking loser. Your life will be sooooo much better now you have dropped that dead weight. He on the other hand will realise what he's lost - not just a girlfriend, as his cheating shows he doesn't value you in that way, but as a secretary/mother substitute to do all his donkey work and job applications. Don't lose willpower and unblock him. He might find creative ways to contact you when he realises his loss. He's a complete waste of space and you are on the verge of a fab new life in the vibrant city of Bristol. Enjoy it and don't look back.

Snuggz · 09/04/2019 19:22

I have finally left.

What, you’ve finally left him? Or you finally left his house?

In the space of 2 hours of you saying that you sent him screenshots of various messages on here and that you weren’t going to say shit to him, you’ve now ended the relationship?

I find it incredibly hard to believe that you put up with all of that crap for 3 years and didn’t do fuck all and in a matter of hours from posting a random thread on MN you’ve now gone from initially talking about getting relationship counselling and him proposing marriage to the opposite end of the spectrum and you have ended it. Troll thread.

TacoLover · 09/04/2019 20:17

I would still like to know if that man you had revenge sex with consented to being recordedHmm

Lnka2 · 09/04/2019 20:18

Thanks guys ❤️
Lol I’m at my mums now
And I do feel relieved
Will update you cause I know there will be a time where I’m tempted,
All the best x

OP posts:
QueenBeex · 09/04/2019 20:23

Too much has gone on.
Break up, block eachother, no contact, move on.

Swipe left for the next trending thread