Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New boyfriend and money

101 replies

1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:16

Help
Been seeing my new boyfriend a few months
I have a son and he has a son too
He see his son regular incase that's relevant
Anyway we both are similar in that respect
Here's the problem
Other than him being the perfect guy in every way
When he comes to mine which is nearly every time as he lives at home still
I buy all the food so for dinner lunch breakfast etc
When we go out he also lets me pay
Don't get me wrong he's taken me out for a meal and bought dinner but say we are out for the day and I'll say I'll get this he says thanks
I'm all for paying my way but I feel lately and I guess over the 3 months it's been more un even
I'm barely affording to pay my bills so when he stays which is every other weekend for 2 nights and the odd one when lo is at her nans I then worry about water and electricity! I'm far from right but I'm struggling enough and now I'm getting to the point where it's annoying me
So I tried to speak to him about it tonight and all I got was he struggles too, he also worries about money and because I said it's different as I'm a single mum and im comparing it to living at home is not the same he's got defensive
I understand I probably made him feel bad but it wasn't my intention
Am I being mean ?
I feel so upset
Need some advice from the outside x

OP posts:
adulthumanwolf · 08/04/2019 21:19

Stop offering to pay.

Grumpyoldblonde · 08/04/2019 21:21

He should feel bad, he's sponging off you! Does he never bring over wine or pudding?

Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:21

Thats true
I find it hard and awkward when we come to the till!
So what happens when he's down for the weekend and we plan the food then as he comes straight from work and I get all the food in ?!
And he says stuff like let's just have lunch at yours....

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 08/04/2019 21:22

stop funding him. You can’t afford it. Split everything with him. If he won’t contribute you have your answer

C0untDucku1a · 08/04/2019 21:22

Why do you keep offering to pay?!

Ditch him. He is a parent, yet lives with his mum. He is not a longterm prospect.

Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:22

That's the thing, no he doesn't bring anything or offer
But as I say when we are out he has paid for the odd thing

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 08/04/2019 21:23

When he arrives at yours, show him the supermarket receipt and tell him it’s his turn to pay!

Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:23

He also said he has a £3k credit card, car loan and is still struggling? He's oh ok money and I'm no money grabber but I don't think it's right still living at home that you can have this debt and aril struggle no?!

OP posts:
Time4change2018 · 08/04/2019 21:25

Send him a shopping list to pick up on his way over every other time he comes over and stop offering to pay. It's v hard if it's your natural way of being. Maybe try leaving the till or packing so your hands are full. An awkward few seconds and if he doesn't offer say in front of the cashier, it's your turn isn't it in a nice breazy way

Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:25

Oh god showing him the receipt and saying your turn to pay? Really?
I'm thinking I just end things
I can't see myself with someone who's like that with money

OP posts:
Duchessgummybuns · 08/04/2019 21:25

Potential cock lodger there love, don’t let him start leaving things at yours and stealth moving in

theworldistoosmall · 08/04/2019 21:25

Send him a list of things to pick up on the way to yours and see what happens.
But you shouldn't be struggling to fund this guy, he should feel bad and should be doing something proactive to rectify this.

EKGEMS · 08/04/2019 21:25

Oh,come on-you know you aren't being unreasonable or stingy- he just sees you as a meal ticket! Find someone who isn't a mooch!

Sculpin · 08/04/2019 21:26

So what happens if you get all the food in and then ask him for a contribution? Would he refuse? If so, you have to ditch him OP. He knows you are struggling and is happy to make things worse for you Angry

Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:26

Yep thought so
Just needed to hear it I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:28

Don't know haven't asked him to contribute and I know he isn't a mind reader but he's eating the food and he mustn't be silly?!
He's already said can he leave things at mine ? No?!
I hoped he wasn't a cocklodger
Damn it I really liked him 😞

OP posts:
BucketfannywhoreIstinksofshit · 08/04/2019 21:29

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

lifebegins50 · 08/04/2019 21:29

He knows it's unfair which is why he got defensive..but he sees you as someone to sponge off.

A few months in and it won't get better, move on and find a better man.

NabooThatsWho · 08/04/2019 21:29

He’s a sponger. You can do better! Cut your losses.

Time4change2018 · 08/04/2019 21:30

No to leaving things at yours. Either get rid or start texting a shopping list for him to buy .... keep the mantra 'It's your turn'

Bemusedagain · 08/04/2019 21:31

He’s trying to stealth move in and get you to support him!! No!! He’s already shown his true colours. He’s a leech, parasite. Yukk. Find someone who treats you decently

AnotherEmma · 08/04/2019 21:32

Dump. NEXT!
(And be more assertive next time, don't just keep paying more and allowing boyfriends to stay all weekend every weekend without contributing.)

Original poster
1875abc · 08/04/2019 21:32

We've chatted and I said let's just leave things after it getting heated
He's texted saying we are not falling out other this, things will get better and he loves me and that he's opened up his heart to me and wants to be with me forever ?
I mean what to say to that...

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 08/04/2019 21:33

What is attracting you to a guy who has a kid, lives with his mum yet expects you to finance your relationship with him too...?

You know there's no long term future in this ...

C0untDucku1a · 08/04/2019 21:34

He is manipulating you.

I assume youre tied to your house a lot and are feeling lonely? This man is not the answer.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.