New boyfriend and money

[1875abc]

Help
Been seeing my new boyfriend a few months
I have a son and he has a son too
He see his son regular incase that's relevant
Anyway we both are similar in that respect
Here's the problem
Other than him being the perfect guy in every way
When he comes to mine which is nearly every time as he lives at home still
I buy all the food so for dinner lunch breakfast etc
When we go out he also lets me pay
Don't get me wrong he's taken me out for a meal and bought dinner but say we are out for the day and I'll say I'll get this he says thanks
I'm all for paying my way but I feel lately and I guess over the 3 months it's been more un even
I'm barely affording to pay my bills so when he stays which is every other weekend for 2 nights and the odd one when lo is at her nans I then worry about water and electricity! I'm far from right but I'm struggling enough and now I'm getting to the point where it's annoying me
So I tried to speak to him about it tonight and all I got was he struggles too, he also worries about money and because I said it's different as I'm a single mum and im comparing it to living at home is not the same he's got defensive
I understand I probably made him feel bad but it wasn't my intention
Am I being mean ?
I feel so upset
Need some advice from the outside x

I've hardly allowed him to
As I say, sometimes he has paid
But sometimes I have
I just feel the last few times I've spent money I do not have
And tonight he said he is struggling to - alarm bells then rang

Reply, 'opening up your wallet would be more useful'

Its not up to him what you fall out over.

Tied to my house and feeling lonely? No ? I just liked him and he seemed lovely and he comes to mine as he lives at home with his brother ?

Thats good then. You dont need him. Ditch him and block.

Op he needs to grow up, he has a child yet cannot manage his money even while living at home..run, run, run

Mate love don't put food in the cupboards - would be my reply.

I meant his mother

Please make your son nr.1 in your life.

I say that as a solo mum of a son, now 27.

Not easy. But so worth it.

Love will always come into your life while minding your own business

I totally agree
He was my first boyf after a painful split and spending lots of time alone with my son. Late 30's I am and gone from starting again to feeling like I could date again
I feel like I'm too set in my ways and too selfish to have a boyf
He wants to see me more
I'm happy with weekends
He's using the word forever
I'm more right now and let's see kind of girl
He says I'm his soulmate
I'm not so sure about that
I just felt I was being too picky and aware but I'm so ready for those red flags lol!
I think I'm done
Let's hope he accepts it

You're clearly not feeling it in so many ways. I would cut your losses now!

Block him. Dont leave it to him to accept. Youve decided. Anything other than not accepting it shows that he isnt a nice guy at all.

If he’s living with his mum he just doesn’t know how to be an adult. He thinks food comes out of the kitchen because that’s what he’s used to.
That COULD be workable if you’re the kind and patient type. But Debt when you’ve got low outgoings and you earn? No way would I put up with that, it speaks volumes.

Well sad thing I was
Wouldn't have spent 3m with him
Just wanted to go slow thats all and not use words like forever and soul mate but the money thing...really got to me

I wouldn't be able to respect him in a million years.

Does he work?

You should set your sights higher

Just say sorry I can't afford to be with you. I can't afford to be with someone who can't it won't be their own way.

Debt.
Lives with mother.
Lovebombing.
Guilt tripping.
Sponging off you.

Move on OP.

Yes that's what I was thinking!!! Things like utility bills and water and usage he just doesn't get!
You're so right there !
I didn't know about the £3k until tonight....but I totally agree
He isn't financial stable

Yeah lovebombing
He's deffo guilty of that

Doesn’t sound like he’s very grown up as he’s not offering to pay or atleast bring basic food with him?

Do you want to support him forever? Honestly, you will end up doing so. I say this with a financially irresponsible partner, and I am happy to accept this flaw. But if I was barely financially floating and needing to support my child, I’d not be adopting a man child 🙄 (sorry if this comes across as harsh)

Falling out over this might make him realise he can’t drag you into debt too

He's love bombing you so you don't ditch him.

He gets - physical stuff from you
- a break from his mum
- meals cooked
- treated to days and meals out
- to keep most of his money for himself

You get - ???
- to hear about his mum
- to plan, shop and cook for him
- to pay for days and meals out
- to not have savings and spend too much on him.

The only way he could right this would be if you discussed it and he instantly changed his attitude to money. I would do that before binning him off, but it sounds like there’s other red flags too? In that case, probably best to end things now.

I reckon it's a matter of time before he has you babysitting too.

Well mia12 that's what I talked to him - didn't want to have to - but needed to see if it was worth saving but it obviously didn't go down well
I actually don't think he sees it
I do feel it's a shame coz he did seem nice as I say but maybe on reflection it was love bombing?

What? He still lives with his parents?! (I missed that at first!) How old is this guy?! Is he living there rent-free? If so how on earth can he have a credit card and a car loan?!

DUMP HIM ALREADY

Yeah lives with his mum
He pays rent and bills to be fair, it's not debt free but yes he's subsidised
I know right?! That's my argument