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Original poster

Would you date a smoker?

155 replies

Dieu · 08/04/2019 20:42

I am not judging. We all have our vices. I eat far too much, and of the wrong foods, for example.
But ...
I had a coffee date yesterday with a man from the dating site. It went reasonably well, and I was in two minds about whether I wanted to see him again. However he messaged to say that he'd left his scarf at the pub where we met, and as it's round the corner from where I live, I offered to pick it up for him.
Thing is, it is absolutely reeking of smoke, and is stinking out my flat I will have to put it on the washing line outside, but hopefully it won't rain as it's lambswool. I sent him a semi-jokey message asking if it would be fair to assume he's a smoker Grin, and he replied that he was.
My settings on the site were set to 'non smoker' but when I checked his profile tonight, he's a social/occasional smoker. I must have missed that!
I'd rather his 'thing' was drinking, as he only ever has an occasional whisky. No sharing a bottle of wine over dinner for us! Confused
So, would you date someone who smoked?

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/04/2019 11:33

Because smokers believe that smoking/being a smoker is, 'edgy' and, 'cool,' and, 'non-conformist' They are not like those goody two shoes, say it quietly, non-smokers. Ew, yuck, disgusting. Or worse still, an ex-smoker who gave up and joined the, I can hardly bear to say it, 'non-smokers.'

My mum died of cancer aged 62, my Nana died of cancer at age 67. Both smoking related. My Dad has a smoking related illness. Any body can die at any age and it not be related to cancer or smoking. However, I know what I know.

Rebel icons such as James Dean (who died in a non smoking related car accident at a young age) etc were smokers.

At about £10 for a pack of cigarettes they must be loaded !

Back on topic:

Would I date a smoker ? No. Nope. Nada. Not interested. Not doing it. I also don't want to deal with the fall out of anyone who is going through their nicotine withdrawal phase on a first or early date either.

The smell of cigarette smoke makes me feel sick. End of story.

hellsbellsmelons · 10/04/2019 11:37

I've ended 2 relationships because of smoking.
And I smoke!!!!
But I smoke around 5 a day and I cannot deal with heavy smokers.
The yellow fingers (ICK...)
I'd rather not date a smoker.
I wouldn't smoke around someone who doesn't smoke and it would mean I can quit much more easily.

Bemusedagain · 10/04/2019 15:24

I’m married to one but if I was to do it all again it would be a big fat NO. Do not do it from somebody who has.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 10/04/2019 15:30

Yes. Absolutely.

notangelinajolie · 10/04/2019 15:43

No.
I don't know anyone who smokes anymore apart from my brother. His clothes absolutely reek - and it knocks me sick. It makes no difference that he doesn't smoke around us - the smell is ingrained in the fabrics. Ewwww!

notangelinajolie · 10/04/2019 15:49

No surprise he's single and has been for quite some time.

NotFatTransslender · 10/04/2019 15:55

No, I wouldn’t date a smoker and ideally wouldn’t want to date anyone who has been a smoker either.

My parents both smoked and our house reeked of it. I used to lay a towel at my bedroom door to try and keep the smell out and I was a shitty stroppy teen as I was so fed up of all my clothes and belonging smelling of smoke, so used to slam doors shut and huff about!

I wouldn’t want to kiss someone whose mouth tasted of stale smoke either. Have had BFs in my younger years who smoked and it was the reason I ended a relationship with a nasty bully. I put up with so much crap from him including physical abuse, but when I found out he was still smoking despite saying he’d quit, that was it!

Shows where my line is, sadly. Yes you may physically assault me, but don’t make me kiss your stinking mouth!

NotFatTransslender · 10/04/2019 15:59

AndNoneForGretchenWieners oh Gretchen, I’m so sorry. All of us on here saying “no way” when you would give anything to have him back. Feel bad for posting without reading yours first. Flowers

ravenmum · 10/04/2019 16:33

I started dating a smoker thinking that it would just be a brief fling anyway so it made no difference. But it's turned out not to be so brief after all, a couple of years later.

I noticed the smell more at first - at first, smoke was all I could smell - but now I can actually smell him, too (in a positive way; his natural scent). The only thing I still don't like is if he wants a kiss after smoking, that really does have a strong ashtray flavour.

Now I'm used to it, presumably I now also smell of smoke sometimes without realising it, but he is quite careful about only smoking outdoors, and airing his flat, and does make an effort not to let smoke blow in my face etc.

I have no idea how long it will last, but am very aware of the health issues, looking forward. The smell etc. is not as much of an issue as I'd have thought, but if we broke up tomorrow I probably wouldn't choose a smoker, even if it was just for a fling, just in case!

Aragog · 10/04/2019 16:35

No, I wouldn't.

TheMagicTorch · 10/04/2019 16:37

If you'd asked me 3 years ago I'd have said no.. but on meeting my OH it wasn't a deal breaker..I don't like it particularly and I'm not a smoker so it does have its downsides but his good qualities outweigh it. I love him and the smoking is something I could compromise on.

SisterCage · 10/04/2019 17:08

Another no, I'm afraid.

I didn't think I'd have a problem dating a smoker as I'd grown up with my mum easily going through a pack a day. HOWEVER, in my early twenties, I did date one and would never do it again.

The stained fingers and teeth, the bad breath that brushing never fully eradicated, being left alone in the cinema as he couldn't last the duration of a film without a cigarette...

Those are standard complaints and I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't be especially bothered by them but coupled with his expecting me to pay for him because he was "skint" but always having money for cigarettes, his becoming twitchy and foul-tempered if deprived of his fix for half a day and his shamelessly bumming cigarettes from strangers in the street...(deep, calming breaths)

Yeah, I'd pass.

LHMB · 10/04/2019 19:09

My DP smokes and I HATE it, constantly complaining about it and asking him to quit. He's said he will but I know he won't. He gets pains in his chest and I beg him to quit but he doesn't seem to be even trying to and I despair. I don't know what the hell will make him quit! He suffers from bad hay fever and asthma too. He says we need to save more money, which we do, yet he's buying tobacco. I get really upset and mardy over it

ArkAtEee · 10/04/2019 20:46

No. I grew up in a household of chain smokers and always stank of it and had a million colds. While I was still a teenager at home, I developed a smoking-related chronic disease despite never having smoked myself. They decided to smoke outside after that... My dad gave up after a massive heart attack, but the damage was done and he had smoking-related health problems for the rest of his life. My mum is still smoking and has emphysema.

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with smoking or that you can draw any conclusions about the type of person. I simply can't bear it and don't want to be around it.

KennDodd · 10/04/2019 20:58

No.

BumbleBeee69 · 10/04/2019 21:01

No it literally repulses me.. sorry

AC12vsOCG · 10/04/2019 21:02

Nope. Grim. I wouldn't even date someone who vapes!

bigchris · 10/04/2019 21:06

Is this another mumsnet thread that differs from real life

People saying they don't know anyone who smokes?

There's loads every time I go outside, they most all have friends , partners etc

Arnoldthecat · 10/04/2019 21:10

No,,i wouldnt date a woman who smoked..

Veterinari · 10/04/2019 21:16

No, it stinks, and assuming I loved them i’d Be anxious about the health risks. Emphysema sucks

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2019 21:17

No, it’s one of my red lines
My father was a heavy smoker and I hated it.

Anotherdayanothernight · 10/04/2019 21:21

Yes, as an ex smoker it's not a big deal. My current partner smokes and there are worse addictions one can have...

RiversDisguise · 10/04/2019 21:30

My husband smokes and he's wonderful. Glad I didn't shut my heart to him. Shit he puts up with me cluttering the house with exercise equipment and never hanging up my coat and always forgetting to buy tampons till I tell at him in a panic to nip across and buy some...

No one is perfect.

He only smokes outside though

ravenmum · 10/04/2019 21:38

I don't think many people are saying that they wouldn't be with a smoker because they aren't perfect, or aren't nice in some way. A couple, I think, but most are just saying that no, they'd rather not, given the choice. And there are so many people in the world that we do usually have a choice.
We shut our hearts to about 7 billion other people.

Hersetta427 · 10/04/2019 21:44

I couldn't.

I have a very strong sense of smell (I can smell cucumber or rocket in someone's sandwich at work in an open plan office) and even the smell of it on clothes turns my stomach. I am not sure a relationship could be forged when the smell of someone make you feel physically sick.