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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you date a smoker?

155 replies

Dieu · 08/04/2019 20:42

I am not judging. We all have our vices. I eat far too much, and of the wrong foods, for example.
But ...
I had a coffee date yesterday with a man from the dating site. It went reasonably well, and I was in two minds about whether I wanted to see him again. However he messaged to say that he'd left his scarf at the pub where we met, and as it's round the corner from where I live, I offered to pick it up for him.
Thing is, it is absolutely reeking of smoke, and is stinking out my flat I will have to put it on the washing line outside, but hopefully it won't rain as it's lambswool. I sent him a semi-jokey message asking if it would be fair to assume he's a smoker Grin, and he replied that he was.
My settings on the site were set to 'non smoker' but when I checked his profile tonight, he's a social/occasional smoker. I must have missed that!
I'd rather his 'thing' was drinking, as he only ever has an occasional whisky. No sharing a bottle of wine over dinner for us! Confused
So, would you date someone who smoked?

OP posts:
CharlyAngelic · 08/04/2019 20:58

No

IC4nSeeYourPixels · 08/04/2019 20:59

I know this makes me a total hypocrite because I only gave up smoking myself two years after smoking like a chimney for twenty years but I really hate it when my husband goes to kiss me now as he stil smokes.

Him smoking around me doesn't bother me and I'm not one of the fussy ex smokers that people complain about but I've decided I don't want the taste of smoke and tobacco in my mouth that includes from my husbands kisses. Nothing turns me off more than him going for a kiss five mins after a cigarette

FenellaMaxwell · 08/04/2019 21:00

No. Not a chance - the smell makes me gag!

Dieu · 08/04/2019 21:00

That is not hypocritical at all, and well-done you for kicking the habit! Star

OP posts:
SosigDog · 08/04/2019 21:01

Nope. Perhaps if I really liked him and he promised to quit.

MissKenton · 08/04/2019 21:03

Absolutely not. Not even a social smoker. Smoking is vile.

Newmumma83 · 08/04/2019 21:04

Didn’t bother me in past and was originally non smoker.

Then I took up smoking :- so defno no problem

Now I have quit smoking it would be a no ... too much temptation to join in ...

managedmis · 08/04/2019 21:05

(creeps in)

Er, yes

NorthernKnickers · 08/04/2019 21:05

Definite no from me...can't stand the smell or taste. I'm a teacher and when I'm changing children's reading books, the book bags and books of children whose parents smoke smell so bad! I hate it..and feel so sorry for those kids, living around all of that smoke 😷🤢

OldAndWornOut · 08/04/2019 21:05

It wouldn't bother me, although I'm an ex smoker.
He'd have to go outside though.
Smoky flavoured kisses remind me of my misspent youth.

TroysMammy · 08/04/2019 21:05

I wouldn't but when I was OLD I did say I would only date a non smoker. However one slipped through the net (probably didn't say he was) and we met up. Although I found out he was an occasional smoker he never smoked when he was with me even when he stayed weekends. We moved in together and I only once I saw him having a few puffs in the garden during a stressful time. He knew how much I hated smokers (my Uncle died of throat cancer at the age of 43) and he gave up there and then. That was nearly 5 years ago.

freddiemercury · 08/04/2019 21:06

Ex smoker... but I still LOVE the smell...actively hover around smokers!! I definitely would. But I wouldn't date a man who plays golf...we all have our deal breakers!!

TroysMammy · 08/04/2019 21:07

Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.

freshstart28 · 08/04/2019 21:07

Depends who he is 😂

HazardGhost · 08/04/2019 21:09

If the scarf is wool it's probably a pain to wash and when he does have a cheeky social fag he's outside.

Is a cheeky fag really a deal breaker? It's hardly shooting up smack.

Chinks123 · 08/04/2019 21:10

I have never smoked, and when me and dp got together nearly 8 years ago he didn’t smoke either. Around 3 years ago he started smoking, only around 4/5 a day and not in the house. Whilst I wouldn’t have chosen to date a smoker, people can pick up lifestyle choices over the years.

Drinking on the other hand would be a no no. My father was an alcoholic and I never saw him without a beer in his hand (however he hated smokers!) Dp is teetotal and that’s what attracted me to him, as I knew dd wouldn’t have to see the same thing. So if he suddenly became a drinker he’d have to go I think.

SpeckledyHen · 08/04/2019 21:11

Under no circumstances. Revolting .

StrongerThanIThought76 · 08/04/2019 21:12

Absolute deal breaker for me.

Mum smoked like a chimney when we were kids, wasted a fortune. Ended up with a smoking related cancer but still won't acknowledge the damage it's caused.

Scarlettmaid · 08/04/2019 21:15

Yes I would. I overeat, I like a drink. Who am I to tell someone else how to live their life. I would draw the line at having them smoke in the house though.

C0untDucku1a · 08/04/2019 21:17

Would be a deal breaker for me too

MondeoFan · 08/04/2019 21:18

No I have in the past but wouldn't now. Smoke smell makes me gag

GummyGoddess · 08/04/2019 21:18

No, the smell makes me gag so things could never progress as I wouldn't want that smell in the house.

If a partner started smoking that would be a dealbreaker for me, I couldn't stay with them unfortunately.

Bunnylady53 · 08/04/2019 21:24

No

Witchofzog · 08/04/2019 21:25

It's not just the now. Watching someone you love die slowly from respiratory disease is terrible.

Xmasbaby11 · 08/04/2019 21:31

Only if it was light social smoking. I did that myself for a few years and gave up very easily. I have a few friends who smoke lightly and it doesn't bother me. No-one is perfect. However, smoking at home and often, that would be different.