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Original poster

Would you date a smoker?

155 replies

Dieu · 08/04/2019 20:42

I am not judging. We all have our vices. I eat far too much, and of the wrong foods, for example.
But ...
I had a coffee date yesterday with a man from the dating site. It went reasonably well, and I was in two minds about whether I wanted to see him again. However he messaged to say that he'd left his scarf at the pub where we met, and as it's round the corner from where I live, I offered to pick it up for him.
Thing is, it is absolutely reeking of smoke, and is stinking out my flat I will have to put it on the washing line outside, but hopefully it won't rain as it's lambswool. I sent him a semi-jokey message asking if it would be fair to assume he's a smoker Grin, and he replied that he was.
My settings on the site were set to 'non smoker' but when I checked his profile tonight, he's a social/occasional smoker. I must have missed that!
I'd rather his 'thing' was drinking, as he only ever has an occasional whisky. No sharing a bottle of wine over dinner for us! Confused
So, would you date someone who smoked?

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 09/04/2019 06:51

No I wouldn't, I hate the smell of it.

AloneLonelyLoner · 09/04/2019 06:53

It's the worst habit. It's gross and being around smoking makes me dirty and stink. When I've gone on a date and it has turned out they're a smoker it ends there. I grew up with smokers and not only did it make me feel ill but I was bullied mercilessly at school for stinking (ironically those idiots went on to become smokers).

user1474894224 · 09/04/2019 06:54

Nope. Ex occasional smoker here. Gave up when TTC. Now cannot believe I ever did it. Would never go back..... couldn't be with someone who did. Almost none of my friends smoke now....but the couple that do I find it odd, stinky and inconvenient. (They have to leave a dinner table in a restaurant/pub to go out for a cigarette/vape. They vape in my car etc)

finn1020 · 09/04/2019 06:57

No, it’d be a deal breaker, the smell makes me feel queasy so I’d never want to go near them.

Nicolastuffedone · 09/04/2019 06:57

No.

LarchedtotheLeft · 09/04/2019 07:05

I would- and have in the past- although I prefer non smokers and wouldn't kiss someone immediately after they'd smoked.

More of a deal breaker for me is guys who lie about smoking- I hate lying. Weirdly both the smokers I dated hid the fact they smoked from their parents and I found that deeply unattractive (I didn't find out until we were already together for a while and we doing the "meet the parents" thing.)

I know lots of people for whom it's a complete no however

Kim82 · 09/04/2019 07:06

I don’t and never have smoked but dh smokes about 15 a day. He smokes outside and it doesn’t bother me as long as he doesn’t breath on me just after having had a cigarette.

InsertFunnyUsername · 09/04/2019 07:08

Wouldn't bother me. As long as they smoked outside the house/car.

Chocolate123 · 09/04/2019 07:35

Nope definitely a deal breaker for me

Pianobook · 09/04/2019 07:38

I briefly went out with a smoker and it was awful. He smelt badly of stale smoke although he was clean and tidy and if he called to my home, the whole house smelt of smoke the next morning even though he smoked outside in the garden.

When I met him he told me he smoked occasionally socially but in reality he was a chain smoker. If we went to a pub we had to sit outside in the cold in the smokers area for half the night. We went out for a meal and he left the table twice mid-meal with an excuse to use the toilet but came back smelling of smoke.

crazypsychedelictrifle · 09/04/2019 07:41

No. I'm an ex smoker and I know dating a smoker would start me up again.

Fireandflames666 · 09/04/2019 07:49

Definitely not, smoking is grim 😷.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/04/2019 07:50

Never. Couldn’t bear to kiss a smoker

Parky04 · 09/04/2019 07:50

Definitely not. If DW ever wants a divorce she only has to start smoking! But no danger of that as she despises smoking as much as I do.

EdWinchester · 09/04/2019 11:09

Reading these replies - why does anyone smoke?

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 11:13

Yes, I absolutely would date a smoker. Just because someone has a nicotine habit doesn't make them a bad or unkind person.

But I would probably try to help them to quit if they wanted to try. My Dad had cancer from fags, so it's a habit that I would want to help them break. Smile

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 11:14

(I'd rather date a highly intelligent guy with a PhD who smoked than a less intelligent guy who didn't Smile). Neither DH nor I smoke, btw, so not a personal judgement.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 09/04/2019 11:16

My DP smokes and I don’t. I wouldn’t usually date a smoker although thought I didn’t care either way. I think it turns into quite a big deal. I don’t like all the money it costs! I don’t like the stale smell my house sometimes smells like (yes he smokescreen outdoors- but with the door open). I don’t like the constant need to stop at the shop on what seems like any journey to buy them. I don’t like that our 3 littlest kids always seem to have a cough and I wonder often if it’s his smoking, I won’t ever know either way. X

Crustaceans · 09/04/2019 11:35

Being a smoker may have no bearing on whether someone is a nice person, but it will mean that I will not want to get close to someone and I certainly will not want to kiss them. So there’s no point in even pretending that a relationship could be viable.

I wouldn’t live with a smoker either. Smoking outside doesn’t stop their clothes and skin from smelling, and that affecting the whole house.

pink412 · 09/04/2019 11:38

No, but for my own health reason s I now have less than 50% of my lungs left and find it hard to breathe normally so with smoke makes it harser

HappySonHappyMum · 09/04/2019 11:45

Wow! Looks like I'm the odd one out. I married one - I really love him, he's not an alien, not cruel or unkind and he's a great Dad. He just smokes, he knows it's not good for him, he gave up for a few years and started again when him Mum died I live in hope he will give up again. He doesn't smoke in the house or the car - but it's the least interesting thing about him tbh...

Miscommunicator · 09/04/2019 11:51

As an ex smoker myself, no I wouldn’t like a smoking partner now, I’m extremely aware of how bad it smells. Maybe you could encourage him to switch to vaping?

Original poster
Dieu · 09/04/2019 12:18

He was absolutely lovely, and I would never in a million years think that smoking makes someone a bad person. I always tell my kids that, when they get judgey (schools these days do a lot to discourage the habit, in all fairness).
I was already a bit unsure, as I wasn't very attracted to him, so I guess the smoking thing seals the deal.
I contacted him to let him know that I was really sorry, but I couldn't date a smoker. To be fair, it does say so on my dating profile.
He understood completely, and we are meeting up for a final coffee (my treat!), so that I can return the scarf. I had offered to post it to him, but he suggested the coffee meet instead, and I am totally comfortable with that.
We seem to like each other as people though, so who knows, maybe I'll have made a new friend out of this Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Dieu · 09/04/2019 12:19

It wouldn't really be my place to encourage him to give up or vape, particularly after one date! It's his life.

OP posts:
Pinkmonkeybird · 09/04/2019 12:23

Nope! My ex was a smoker and he attempted to give it up, but couldn't. I hated the smell.