Wedding doubts

[Lacey2019]

I am very apprehensive about writing this and it is also my first post on here. I am just over 4 months away from getting married and since December I have been having serious doubts. I have been anxious the whole way through and have ignored these. My partner is a wonderful man. He has a great job and earns a lot of money, which gives us a lovely lifestyle. It also makes me comfortable regarding the future and the life we could have once we have children. We have a lovely home and I moved my life to be with him. His family and friends are amazing and they have for the past 4 and a half years been my life.

The thing is, we don't seem to communicate anymore and there is no affection. This is really starting to upset me and as wrong as it is to say, my eyes have began to wander. I have never acted upon this nor would I.

My question is, I feel so so down and low. All I ever think about now is should I or should I not marry him. I would always be looked after, but I just don't feel in love with him anymore. However, the thought of calling of a wedding and upsetting everyone, losing my life that I know and coping with a break up, even if I have doubts, is causing me serious heartache.

You won't, babes. Well done.

💐

Rip the plaster off.

Generally the worry about doing it, is worse than doing it, but either way, it will be behind you, not ahead of you.

Plus the sooner people know, the better. This is about YOU, not them, but limiting the expense for them is the thoughtful thing to do (though you don’t need to pay them back money they’ve spent unless you get s refund).

Get it over with 🌷

You won’t regret it. You’ll meet someone amazing, but even if you didn’t, living alone is FAR better than living like this.

The people who care about are minimizing it as they don't want you to go through a painful time and from the outside don't realise that this isn't just wedding nerves

They will step up when they realize that for you there is no other choice

Good luck

I think the problem is that people like happy endings, and everything we learn growing up says that a big wedding is the happy ending and then the couple go on to a perfect happy ever after - ignoring the divorce statistics, and the fact that sometimes the happy ending is when the totally unsuited couple go their separate ways. It's not just nerves. (I have not a single regret about calling off my wedding.)

Of course you might regret it.

But not half as much as you'd regret going through with it and being unhappily married, asking yourself why you didn't listen to your gut feelings today.

How did you get on OP - have you taken any steps this weekend.

Don't do it. He's telling you he doesn't want you to be affectionate with him ffs. He could barely be more obvious with you that he doesn't love you. And you don't fancy him.

As countless others have pointed out, a couple of weeks worth of embarrassment over a cancelled hen do is nothing compared with a painful divorce.

This might sound harsh - it’s not meant to.
But just do it. It’s not going to get any easier the longer you wait. As other posters have said if you’ve made the decision, you just need to rip the plaster off.
Good luck, for what it’s worth I think you’re doing the right thing based on everything you’ve said.

A friend of mine called off her wedding about 5 days before they were due to marry - and it was a huge, no expense spared type do. I actually felt a huge amount of respect for her for making what must have been such a hard decision, it would have possibly been ‘easier’ to go ahead with the wedding and not embarrass herself or let anyone down. So I just wanted to add that so you hopefully know people will support you. Same as my friend, I’m sure your happiness is the most important thing - whatever the decision you make.

Good luck and look after yourself 😊

How's it going OP?

I was in your situation years ago and had massive alarm bells ringing months before my wedding. Always go with your gut instincts. My marriage only lasted 4 years - the last three of those years I can't tell you how lonely I felt even though I was in a relationship.

I should never have got married and should have had the courage to call it off - for both of our sakes. If you are feeling like this now - things won't get any better and your feelings will turn to resentment.

Be kind to yourself and him - you have told him and he doesn't see the issue - that is something that won't just magically fix itself.

Your friends and family want you to be happy and people will understand but do something about it now.

I knew of woman who had a big, white wedding only to leave her new husband 2 months after they were married. It took a long time for her husband but especially her family and friends to understand why she hadn't called it off beforehand.

Hey OP how are you? 🌷