@lacey2019
I did what you are doing. I ended mine 2 months before we were due to get married.
I had had a hen do and he had a stag do. Everyone had outfits. Everything was ready.
There is quite a backstory but I will try to keep it as brief as possible.
If youd asked me what my ex was like I would have said intelligent, hard working, decent. I look back now and realise how much i actually glossed over - all the awful stuff.
In the lead up to the wedding, I'd been going through counselling. I'd had a breakdown. Lots of things going on in my head. But as time went on, my problems were starting to get sorted, I had more mental clarity and that allowed me to take a step back and look at my life.
I realised I didnt love him. I did but I wasnt in love. I didnt want to have sex with him anymore because actually he repulsed me - his emotional abuse and constant coercion had made sure of that. I didnt feel loved either.
He had openly admitted to holding me back career wise - said he didnt want me to do well because he didnt want me to leave him. He was sarcastic, rude and selfish. And I'd just put up with it for years. I dont know how. I think he was very effective at squashing me.
Anyhoot, the long and short of it was, I felt complete apathy about my wedding. I didnt feel excitement. I felt trapped.
I am not proud of it but I did have a little flirtation as well. I didnt have any intention of that but it did make me realise even more that I didnt want to be with my ex anymore. I didnt continue the flirtation after I split with my ex...that ended. It really was about my freedom.
The apathy and feeling trapped is what made me come out and say, I dont want to do this. I originally suggested postponing but true to form, he got angry and said he wouldn't postpone it and it was either I marry him or leave.
I hate being forced into a decision and being given ultimatums. So I instantly picked leaving.
I have NEVER regretted it. It was a shitty situation. I had to email the wedding venue and flower people. My family were great and rang the guests to tell them it wasnt happening. They were v supportive. I was dreading telling everyone. My grandfather told me he thought it was for the best. As did my father. And anyone who loves you dearly will tell you the same.
Some of them will be angry. My mum was upset... she'd known my ex for quite some time. 10 years in fact. But she didnt know the whole story.
It will hurt. It will suck. But it will feel right. That small snippet you added about your partner not having the time to discuss your feelings brought memories back for me.
You are fucking important. Your feelings are fucking important and you should not be dismissed.
I told my bridesmaid at my hen do that I wasnt sure and she said it was cold feet. It wasnt. I knew then and I knew after it wasnt.
Do you think it's cold feet
Because just from the brief posts you've put, it sounds like more to me...?