So I have Chlamydia...has he cheated?

[EnoughLifeLessons]

NC for obvious reasons...So i started having symptoms a month ago. We've been dating 7 months, 4 months ago decided to be exclusive (his initiative btw). We're about to go on a massive (i.e. far away, special and expensive) holiday in less than a week for my 30th birthday. WTF do I do?

When did you last have a test prior to this one?

And please no lecturing on how umbelievably stupid I've been about my health. I know, I'm kicking myself for it, I really need some advice about the future (which will include condoms at all times with no exceptions)

When were you last tested? Have you told him yet?

Never had one before. My previous relationship lasted over a decade, last time I had sex with someone else was 8 months ago and used a condom.

My symptoms started a month ago. Apparently chlamydia doesn't always cause symptoms but when it does, they appear within 1-3 weeks of infection

I would say you’ve caught it from him then , sorry

I have told him, yes. I texted him to tell him to get treated. He hasn't replied yet (but he wouldn't reply until about 6pm anyway, he can't use his phone at work)

You could have had it since your previous relationship and not known. You absolutely can't accuse him of cheating if you don't know for sure you got it from him.

You don't know it's him then do you?

Or if he had it when you got together.

Maybe you've given it to him.

It says men’s symptoms take 1-3 weeks to show

I’m not sure that is true about symptoms showing after 3 weeks. If it is then yes he cheated. However, I think either of you may have been a carrier before you got together.

@Wonkydonkey44 what's 'it'?

Not necessarily. I work in sexual health and if you’ve only been exclusive for 4 months, it is entirely possible this is an infection from before that time. Not everyone is symptomatic and if he has had no symptoms and you didn’t either initially, then it’s impossible to say when either of you picked this up. In the absence of any reason to believe otherwise, it doesn’t really mean much.

You do need to have a conversation about it though and he needs to go get treated right away.

The nhs website does say often 1-3 weeks but can be months so you have no way of knowing. Do you trust him?

You're right, I don't know for sure and there's no way of knowing for sure. So how do I deal with this? My gynecologist said people who do have symptoms, develop them within 1-3 weeks of getting it but yiu can also live with it for a long time with no symptoms

NHS says that chlamydia can lay dormant for years before flaring up. Also, many people are asymptomatic. So you needn’t necessarily have caught it off him.

Honestly, I do trust him. But I feel confused now. It's also the shock of gettting an STD at the grand age of 30 ffs

Chlamydia can lie dormant for years. That’s why regular testing is recommended. You can’t be sure he gave it to you. You can be sure he didn’t if his test comes back clear. Do you have any other reason to believe he’s been cheating on you?

I'm so so so angry with myself, god I'm stupid

Just out of interest, did you previous relationship end due to infidelity?

No other reason, no.

There was no infidelity in my previous relationship, no

If you weren’t exclusive then were either of you dating other people?

In that case there are two options.

1. He was already carrying it unknowingly before you got together.
2. He has been unfaithful.

There are no tests to determine this so it's purely up to you to discuss with your partner. I wouldn't say it was impossible for you to have already had it though so don't go to him with accusations of cheating.

@mindutopia thank you

It's entirely possible he's had it and not given it to you until recently. It isn't necessarily you have sex and 100% get it. So he could've had it from before and only recently given it to you. Or he could've cheated. It's impossible to know.