So I have Chlamydia...has he cheated?

[EnoughLifeLessons]

NC for obvious reasons...So i started having symptoms a month ago. We've been dating 7 months, 4 months ago decided to be exclusive (his initiative btw). We're about to go on a massive (i.e. far away, special and expensive) holiday in less than a week for my 30th birthday. WTF do I do?

When did you first have unprotected sex? Was it after you became exclusive?

It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheated, maybe that he had chlamydia by having unprotected with someone else prior to becoming exclusive with you?

i haven't made any accusations at all, it only occurred to me after a few hours of thinking about it

Definitely doesn't mean he cheated! I know people who went undetected for ages until they got pelvic inflammatory disease. I would trust him

It sounds like it’s likely to be him, but it’s difficult to prove if you’ve not had a test before you started having unprotected sex.

He may have had it for some time and not known about it, so it’s not a given he’s cheated on you. Also you may have had it for a while and passed it onto him.

In the future can you get tested before each new partner or after a breakup? The sexual health clinic looked at me like a loon that I showed up 3x a year for a couple years but better safe than sorry.

It's possible you've given it to him, unfortunately it's impossible to say who gave it to who. He could have carried it into the relationship from the start and passed it on

Always get a full screen before ditching condoms.

thanks everyone...was in a committed relationship for almost all of my 20s so I guess my common sense regarding sex health went out the window somewhere along the way. Lesson learned the hard way.

you say that you only became exclusive after a few months does that mean you both slept with other people

previous partner could have been unfaithful too to be honest. Its one of those things that in this case you can't go round blaming it on everyone. My ExH gave me a STD that didn't show for 18yrs, I know it was him as I asked about something I now know to be a symptom and he poo pooed it and said it was nothing....and yes it was because he had cheated as well. Proof 18yrs later!

I have just had to come to terms with it and take the view these things happen and get it treated - mine will NEVER go away its for life. Its v hard to accept but I can't waste energy being pissed off to be honest

If you've never been tested you may have caught it before or he may have caught it when you weren't together and not know he has it.... you can't know he's cheated unless you had a test once you became exclusive

so I've accepted it could be either of us. He's now angry at me, he thinks it was me. I explained everything and now he's really angry at me, he says he's never had anything, hadn't been with anyone since before we met, he's convinced I've cheated (he read the bit about symptoms appearing after 1-3 weeks on the internet). So now I'm fucked either way.

You were his first ever sexual partner? At 30-something?! Yeah right.

In the past 2 years, my mum was diagnosed with 2 different cancers, my marriage ended, my career has gone to shit, I lost most of my savings in the divorce, my friends have been slowly dissapearing and all I had that was going well was this relationship. I know I've been stupis but this is just too much. It's all too fucking much.

Tell him if he didn't have an std check before losing the condoms he has no right to be angry.

But personally if he's kicked off then bin him.

Here I am concerned about making accusations and being all nice and honest and he's fucking livid.

and my amazing 30th birthday 2 week trip???!!! now gone to shit, I've always wanted to go there,have been saving for a time I can finally afford it. and what now? he goes alone? i go alone? either way it's shit

Well his reaction is the real red flag here!

OP I’m sorry things have been so shit for you

Unless he got tested just before you started being exclusive then surely he can’t say for certain?

Well you definitely still go, obviously.

Hmm. Is he kicking off because he feels guilty?!

Is he possibly Deflecting by being angry with you? I would be wary about this to be honest and even if one of you had it the past it’s not a great start to your relationship this.

Maybe he's deflecting, maybe it's the shock of your girlfriend telling you she has chlamydia, who knows. Either way it's not great, is it

I agree with pp, could he be kicking off to deflect blame/guilt?

I don't really want to go travelling a really far away country for 2 weeks on my own. So I can just sit there and cry the whole time on my own? i can do that at home.

Well,ut’s your birthday tyou paid for it, you go.