Update...is this even a possibility?

[Cherryblossom200]

Update...is this even a possibility?

Hi everyone,

I haven’t posted on here for a while. But a few years ago I came on here for some advice.

To cut a long story short, I met someone at 37 whom I fell in love with. He was the same age as me and he told me straight away that he had a visa for Australia with the view to live there later in the year. We both felt strongly for each other so we wanted to see how things progressed.

After 5 months things were going well, however the constant pressure of him leaving was overwhelming and was the white elephant in the room. I was scared of getting hurt obviously.

We spoke about having children and he seemed to want them. Fast forward 5 months on. I fell pregnant, he ran to Australia. I didn’t stop him and we didn’t speak for about 3 years.

We only started talking just before my DD’s 3rd birthday. It started with just emails once every 2 months or so, which gradually become once every month.

He met her for the first time last year, and we still had chemistry which was quite confusing. But he left to head back to Australia and we just continued with emails.

Now it’s progressed into FaceTime calls and just recently he has started what’sapping me with photos of oz etc just light messages.

I have been incredibly careful about ensuring my DD doesn’t get hurt in this process. She is my number one priority hence why I’ve never met her meet anyone (not that I’ve dated that much 😆)

I’m happy on my own, have a job I enjoy and a lovely little home. Technically I don’t need anyone, but it would be lovely for my DD to have her dad in her life.

He is coming back for Christmas this year. and just filled out his application for citizenship which will means he can leave oz indefinitely and go back at a later date.

It’s clear that we still have a connection and chemistry, I can’t help but wonder if it’s possible if we could get back to together after everything that has happened. It would have to be taken very slowly of course.

Any advice?

Jingle bells, I am not harassing the man. It is he who is instigating communication with me, not I. It is he who wants to come back at Christmas time and spend time with his daughter. I have not pushed any of this.

And I am telling the truth, but you all seem to doubt me and I can’t be bothered to try and keep explaining myself to a load of people I’ve never met.

This is my last post now. I wanted to explain myself, I feel this is a witch hunt which I see a lot of on mumsnet tbh.

@cherryblossom200 You flounce off and say you won't be back because you don't like anyone asking difficult questions.

In your posts today you said he never wanted a long term relationship- he made that clear at the start you said - but you were in lust and naive (your words up thread). You also got pregnant knowing he was en route to Oz, after dating him for weeks.

You tried to give the impression he was the bad guy but all along you know the limitations of this 'relationship' (and it was never a relationship, it was 16 weeks of dating where he was 100% clear about his plans to go to Oz which did not include you or a baby.)

If you can be honest, this is why you have not pursued him for money.

I find it almost unbelievable that a man of 37 would have sex when he had a ticket for Oz in his hand, and not use contraception. The fact he was outraged when you told him you were pregnant raises questions, at least, over what he had believed was possible.

Did you actually have a conversation as 2 late-30 yr olds along the lines of :
CherrryBlossom -'I'm not on the pill, using a coil or any form of contraception, just so you know.'
Him: Oh that's fine love, you won't get pregnant I'm sure.

Unless you can post your story in a 100% truthful way not an edited version of what you posted 4 years ago, no one can help you and you do need help, because you sound very confused and unable to see the reality of what happened.

@cherry - ignore the haters, they will trash you for things they’ve likely done themselves....I’m not sure a woman should be categorised as a ‘bad’ or ‘selfish’ mother because she wants a nuclear family with the biological father and has enough optimism to hope it will work out....Many people on this thread will be divorced, some fathers will be involved, others wil not. Sadly you don’t have a crystal ball so you can’t see into the future but all you have is your gut and how you feel....studies show overwhelming evidence that the presence of a father is a good thing for a child, and yes, some people are capable of change, I’ve witnessed it with own eyes...some of the comments on this thread are shocking and frankly vile. Ignore it. You simply asked for support and you’ve met with vitriol.

All I’ll say is this to the haters; people in glass houses.

@libertygal you ok hun?

@raspberrytruffle - gosh, that must have taken some serious wit to have produced that sarcastic retort. Glad to report that I am just fine thank you. Off you pop please!

Haters gonna hate 💅

I'm off, I feel op has had a rather harsh reaction off a few people but I can see there frustration . ops going to do what she wants regardless. I really hope everything works out for you @cherryblossom . You sound a wonderful mum I just hope you realise you deserve better

Have you considered trying to meet someone else OP? I honestly think either being by yourself or casually dating would be a better option than hankering after someone who obviously isn't going to step up ever.
If he was really properly interested in building a relationship with your daughter he would have returned more often and started paying for her as well. You can get a flight cheaply enough now.
When he does return at Xmas don't be shagging him and getting hurt and upset when he goes again. Don't let yourself be used. I think your wasting your life holding a candle for someone that isn't interested. Don't be leading yourself on.