37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

Your boyfriend is a selfish c*&t with anger issues! Get out of that situation sharpish that’s not the influence you want around your child!

OP I really pray that you remain as resolute about leaving him as you sound right now.

He is an abusive arsehole. What he threatened is bad enough but the fact he clearly sees nothing wrong is worse.

I “get” gamer rage, I really do. I once shrieked and threw a controller across the room during a frustrating level of Crash Bandicoot 😳

.....BUT I know, without a shadow of a doubt that I would NEVER have threatened anyone with violence if they’d turned the thing off. I’d probably have cried 🙄

Please stay strong and leave him.

Verbal and even physical abuse usually starts during pregnancy. It did with me. If you have no option to leave now, just start making plans to leave. Put money away, look at social housing, family etc. Contact Women's aid and take their advice.

If your partner doesn't even apologise that is a huge red flag, as he feels justified in appalling abusive behaviour.

Some men are just bastards.

You are articulate and thoughtful. Do you have any family or friends close enough to come and support you today. I don't think you should leave your home, he should. But perhaps wait till tomorrow, give yourself today to think about the best way to move forwards.

Glad to see that MNHQ agree about @LunafortJest.

Brexit- is there somewhere you can go at least temporarily? Your parents? Speaking as the mother of adults, my door would be open without question under these circumstances.

Pack a bag with essentials in it and keep it handy. Documents, your hospital notes, clean clothes, phone charger, anything really sentimentally important. So even if you don’t go today, you’ll be ready if you go later. My dd’s friend made her do this and kept the bag at her house. So when she finally left at 4 in the morning, she wasn’t completely empty handed, and didn’t lose her great grandmother’s jewellery.

Can you go and talk to someone at Woman’s Aid? They will know what your options are.

And do tell the police what happened last night. They probably won’t do anything now you’re not at immediate risk, but if the have a good domestic violence team, they’ll be alerted.

I hope you manage to either get him to leave or find somewhere else OP.
If he leaves remember to change the locks.
Ring the police it's very important that such things are recorded. Thinking very callously it'll make a difference to custody and legal aid etc and possibly housing later on. It'll also mean if there are future incidents (men like this rarely just let you go) the police will understand the true scale and nature of his behaviour.
Even if it doesn't seem important to you its important to protect your baby. Everything you do about this situation now has to have you and your baby at the centre of it.
Also I don't think you were childish. If he's like that over the WiFi how is he going to cope with a screaming new born?
Also if you are too scared to talk having called 999 and the assault is ongoing, they should keep the line open and record it. Ideally it's a landline so they can trace the address but even a recording from a mobile can be used in court.
Congratulations on your baby.

When I was pregnant with my first child my husband thought it was fine to stay up until 3am playing computer games with his friends round keeping me awake. Needing sleep at gone midnight whilst heavily pregnant is hardly unreasonable and it doesn’t take much to keep the volume down. It’s not like your asking him to stop completely.

I personally wish I had taken it for the warning sign it was that the aggression and failure to put his kid first would just get worse. I wish I had left sooner.

Address it in the morning but make it perfectly clear if he ever threatens you like that again it’ll be over and stick to it imho

And do tell the police what happened last night.

Definitely. Please report it to 101 OP and ask them to create a log so that if this happens again, they can see the history and know that each threat is not a one-off.

He is the immature one screeching at his games. He is clearly so utterly stupid that he thinks they are real, and more important than anything or anyone else.

Turning off the WiFi was an understandable response. Many of us might at least have considered it.

His reaction was totally unwarranted and you need to leave him for the safety of both you and your unborn daughter.

OP, please call Women's Aid. They will not make you do anything you are not ready to do. But when this happens next time (yes, when - not if), it's good if you already know your options.

Also I know you are probably thinking that this will all change the second he sees your beautiful baby. Most women who are abused during pregnancy think that, that's why they stay. There are no records of this ever happening.

Babies, lovely as they are, are hard work. Even the best, loving and caring partners will be stressed and possibly snappy and irritable. With a man like that, this will be actually dangerous. Can you imagine the same situation if you also had a screaming baby with you and had not slept for more than a couple of hours for weeks or months?

Ive not read the entire thread - only OPs posts, and Im probably stating the obvious, but speak t your midwife. They have seen this a thousand times and are well versed in helping you to get out of the situation, plus can often help in accessing the support you need

My abusive ex husband never showed any violent outbursts prior to pregnancy. No shouting, arguing or anything. If your partner felt confident in his control of you to show himself in his true colours, it will only get worse. Don't put up with it for years like I did, it only allows men like him to feel even more in control than he already does. He is already doing all the things my ex did. Telling me I made him lose his temper, saying I was controlling, saying I wanted him to lose control and hit me. Honestly just get out safely as soon as you can. Don't confront him, don't expect him to get better, don't challenge his behaviour.

Good to hear from you OP and I second IHateUncleJamie, having it logged with the police will help you and them deal with it if similar things happen again. Although personally I hope you're out of it before that can happen.

I agree with calling 101 and reporting this incident. the police will be supportive, and you can also think of it as going towards helping future women who may encounter him (as I hope you're leaving him) and building up a picture of his aggressive and violent personality.

I also echo the PPs who suggest talking to your midwife, as they will be in an excellent position to support you to access all the help and support you need.

I'm so pleased to hear that you are seeing that his behaviour is not acceptable. You and your baby can have a wonderful and happy life together, without this nasty, abusive man.

Oh this brings back a whole ton of unwanted memories

OP, like you, I was pregnant when the DV began , verbally, just like you,

It did not get better , take it from me. Don't wait 7 years like I did as a lot of damage, both emotionally and physically, can occur during that amount of time.
I am so sad for you . You sound trapped right now but there are charities out there that can and should help .

agencies rather

Good morning OP. I'm pleased you managed to get some sleep yesterday. Without being too outing, I've been in a similar situation.

You do need to leave, but not in the "Dial 999 now" way that has been advocated. That will get you hurt. Instead, get a domestic violence counsellor (in secret) so they can help you plan your escape safely. They will also have an objective record of what has happened in case something happens in future.

Depending on where you live, you may have a Relate service near you.

@Lunafortjest

My goodness you're a condescending mare, aren't you? Also wrong in this case and a victim blamer. Clear as day from what YOU wrote and before you start, quite "calm" here thank you. People who go "well, I'm in the right, you're just irrational, btw discussion's over because I say so" after being called out on their shit convince no-one. JSYK.

OP. Leave as soon as you can do so safely. You can make it, you will make it, get help to keep safe.

I had a colleague who was murdered last year by her partner. According to reports he's never been physically violent before that but had made threats.

I'm glad you're looking at leaving him. I echo PP in advising you to go to a family members house. And when the baby is born DO NOT put his name on the birth certificate, and absolutely do not give her his surname.

I think you sounds amazing. I don't think turning off the WiFi was childish, he should be concerned for you getting sleep, not getting carried away with a stupid game.

I absolutely understand that not everyone has a lovely mum or dad they can turn to and that if this is the case, your decision right now can feel overwhelming and lonely.

It sounds as though the scales have fallen from your eyes, it's hard to stick them back once you start to see the true person.

Make a plan, stay safe & put yourself & your daughter first.

Be honest with yourself about how you feel, make decisions based on that. Good luck. I think you've got this.

I'm so sorry, OP. I agree with the majority of posters: this is not a man you want to raise your baby with. I can't imagine how he'll react when he's being kept awake by a crying baby and is expected to parent instead of play.

You and your daughter deserve better.

OP you have done nothing wrong. Any reasonable person would have turned the Wi-Fi under the circumstances given the time.

This is not a safe place for you, and it is especially not a safe place for your newborn baby.

It does not matter where you live for now, you need to leave or he does. There is no way you can possibly bring a vulnerable baby into a house with a man who threatens to smash the house in or you.

Please contact your family or friends, tell them what has happened and get some urgent support through any agency you feel most comfortable with (National domestic helpline, police, Midwife)

You have to take care of you and your baby first.

Oh OP please please do get out, it must seem like the hardest decision ever at 37 weeks but my god what a hideous man, can you even imagine your little one hearing/seeing that behaviour? He will escalate too, there is no doubt.

If it's his place, just go, if it's yours/joint get a male family member round and get him out.

Sending loads of strength and I hope you are ok and get the support to go in the direction you want.

There was nothing wrong in turning the wifi off. Your partner had just texted you saying fuck off!!!!!!! You did not deserve that never mind what followed.

As many on here say: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Who's name is the house in? Can you stay and get him to move out? (with police intervention if needed).