37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

OP my friend left her partner at 40 weeks pregnant...it was the lowest part of her life she says...ready to give birth any day...tired ...hurt ..abused and lost...would she change it I asked her...No way was her reply it was the safest thing for me and my baby...All her hopes and dreams were shattered by him by the fear he inflicted on her.. and the promises he didnt keep...please she says as we are reading this together..dont be her....be you, be the best mummy you can be and do it now ,,do it today....We both send you love and best wishes and courage and strength...

Hope you are okay today OP.

Even if he apologises today. Even if he makes you breakfast and brings you flowers and tries to make you laugh. Even if he would never actually touch you. Even if he’s stressed about being a dad. Even if you blame yourself for turning off the WiFi (hint: don’t).

It won’t get better, ultimately.

The lovely fantasy of the pair of you raising your baby that you want to hold on to is never going to be more than a fantasy.

At best, you’ll be managing a man-child as well as a baby. At worst, he’ll follow through on his awful threats.

Previous posters are right when they say leaving now will be HARD but leaving after will be harder.

Do what you have to do for your baby.

He sounds like a fucking loser!!! Chuck him out along with his video games. What a child.

You poor thing . Please don’t feel like you did anything to cause his behaviour, it’s not your fault.

My stbxh also blamed me for ‘making’ him do anything and everything, and I believed him for some unknown reason for ages, until he hit me in the neck and threw me across the room. And then that was my fault too, I made him do it and he refused to believe he’d even hurt me, even though he saw me lose consciousness. I think I came very close to dying that night, and still live with the damage years later. For me, from my perception, there was no warning. He didn’t ramp up slowly with smaller physical violence first, though the verbal abuse and emotional was really bad for a long time before, I just lived with it. Tried to manage it. Thought that as long as I did everything he ever wanted it would be ok.

Still didn’t see it coming, though of course everyone else did.

And I was married to him 7 years before this! So please ignore any previous posters nasty little digs. You cant always see the signs, and when you’re in the relationship, it starts slowly so you’re already in it and being influenced and surrounded by it all right from the start, and it starts so slowly that you don’t recognise the danger signs... until afterwards when you look back and try and make sense of it all. 20-20 hindsight and all that!

Anyway, it started to get really bad for me when DS was born. That night was when DS was a few months old. I started the long and careful process of leaving straight after that, it took longer than ‘packing a bag and chucking him out’ as I was too scared to cause any drama. I wish I had just gone for the more abrupt end but safely by involving people who could help me, as those last weeks were awful, but I desperately wanted to do it without getting him angry again, basically I was still completely controlled by him & terrified of him. Looking back I can see how scared I was and how much I pretended to myself that was normal.

Anyway, I’m just sharing my story in the hopes it helps you a bit. Don’t feel too alone, there are people out there who can help and who have been through similar. You may not be able to see a way out, but there always is one, I promise

Please leave OP, it will be so much more difficult after the baby arrives. He has shown his true colours, and won't change

So sorry to hear this op.
How are things today?

For everyone who's posted helpful advice I thank you so much. I'm okay and managed to get some sleep.

We haven't spoken a word to each other, I'm not even sure if he's awake. I don't really have anywhere to go, I was intending on just getting up and going out shopping or for a coffee but I have terrible SPD and I'm in quite a bit of pain this morning.

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen but I have no interest in communicating with him. I know I won't get an apology, as I say, it'll be "you made me that angry so it's your fault I said it". And to be honest I wouldn't accept his apology anyway. I take responsibility for being a bit immature regarding the WiFi and if he'd have just argued with me i could have dealt with that but to threaten me, pregnant or not, is not on. Luckily I don't feel scared right now just very, very angry. I hope he stays away from me so I can try to figure out what I'm going to do in peace. I don't want to stay here that's for sure.

Morning op
Just read your whole thread and have to echo what everyone else has said and tell you to involve the police and leave.
I hope you're ok this morning

Hope you’re ok OP.
What he did is not ok.
Being terrified to move in case he hears you and comes back for more is not ok.
Telling you to F off, Bore off etc is also not ok.
It’s awful timing but you need to think about what you and your baby girl need and deserve. Support and love is not something he’s going to give you by the sounds of it

This will get a lot more intense when you are even more sleep deprived and have a sleeping/crying baby added to the mix.

Please hatch your escape plan now, even if you cannot bear to act on it until the escalation begins - at least that way you will know exactly what to do/who to contact when the time arrives. Everything is harder with a newborn.

Ps I wrote my post before seeing yours this morning, though it looks an it fits in well!
I’m glad you feel strong enough to push back against a poster who decided to judge and condemn a woman in a horrible (& plain wrong!) way just when she was desperately needing support. I think that timing alone tells you all you need to know. And so at that, please put it out of your mind, sadly, you will need your strength for other battles ahead x

Hi OP,
I imagine that you are overwhelmed with the responses here. I don't want to tell you what to do, but to tell you some things about my story that might inform you.

I lived for YEARS with the "walking on eggshells" and not really seeing it as a big problem. The dressing silently for work so as not to disturb his sleep. The being woken late at night by him and not being "allowed" to complain. Threats that I was accused of overreacting to, that I provoked him into saying.

It never got any better. In fact, it got worse.

I did not know about Women's Aid. But I had been given information about a local organisation that supported women in domestic abuse. They talked to me and waited for me to be ready to get out. You might want to Google domestic abuse organisations in your area.

When it came to court for child arrangements, this organisation was able to write a letter for me in support of Legal Aid. (It might seem a long way away, but it probably will be a consideration for you).

I had never been physically hurt, but I was offered a place in a refuge whenever I needed it. Abuse is not just physical, and threats are serious. I was fortunate to be offered the home of a family friend for a couple of weeks and stayed there while I sorted out a longer term plan.

If you are leaving a situation of Domestic Abuse, you may be eligible for Housing Benefit on two properties. So, if he will not agree to cover the rent and live there himself/move out and let you live there, you may be able to pay your half with HB AND get HB for a new home, until you are able to get it sorted longer term.

Police and councils have people trained to understand DA. They will support you without judgement.

Wishing you all the best, OP.

Glad you're r okay this morning OP

I think you've had some very sensible advice on this thread. I also think you'd be wise to consider moving out before the baby. Do you have any friends or family who could put you up for just a few weeks to give time to sort out your future?

He sounds like a bully. You should not have to walk on eggshells. Sorry this is happening.

@LunafortJest your thought processes, denials and insistence that people are angry and should calm themselves are tactics that many abusers use, that's how you're coming across. Your posts towards the OP and those who are challenging you are just hideous.

OP. The gloves are off now, literally. Some men suddenly despise their wives/partners when they become pregnant, it's sadly, not an unusual response. They see them as weak and disgusting not as women carrying a baby who need help and protection. There's a book called Living with the dominator by The Freedom Programme that mentions this and I think you need it or at least have a look at their website. This cannot be repaired. He's given himself permission to behave like this and most importantly blame YOU for it. This relationship is over, it's now up to you whether you get out now or allow it to drag on for a few years. This happened to me so I know how hard it is

Stay strong op, ignore the dicks. I agree with many, this is him telling you what he's going to be like when the baby comes, in fact forever.
Quick question and apologies if you've said, but why should you go? I see you're married, but is it his property? If it's jointly owned, call the police, show them his texts, tell them you're scared, get him out!
He's a selfish man child btw.

Thanks so much for coming back and posting, OP. You've obviously been in a lot of our thoughts the past few hours and it's good to know that you're still reading, and that nothing escalated further last night.

I'm glad you're angry. I'm even glad he'll try to blame his behaviour on you, rather than grovel, as it may make choices for you easier.

Incidentally you didn't do anything wrong with the wifi. He was screaming in the small hours, and keeping you awake. You asked him to stop that selfish behaviour, and he swore at you while refusing. You had a need to sleep, which he wasn't respecting. Your reaction was completely human and aimed at stopping his disruptive selfishness. Can't believe anyone could say that wasn't on.

I'm so incredibly, incredibly sorry you're dealing with this. It's wrong on every level, and I hope you can work out what you want to do, and a positive way forward for yourself and your baby, with good support from the professionals. You deserve that, and so does your daughter.

I really hope the future holds positive things for you. (And SPD is miserable - had it in my own pregnancies - so I really feel for you over that, too.)

He's been abusive for a while hadn't he? Shouting at you, saying horrible things, blaming you for his behaviour.
I expect if you looked back forensically through the early relationship you'd see small things that were either easily diverted by you or were easily explained away. Now the shit is real with the baby coming and his mask has slipped.

Find out how much you could claim in benefits if you lived alone in that house. You need to separate before the baby is born.

LTB now before it gets worse - and tell everyone why. His reaction to you switching off the wifi was inexcusable. He should be supporting you in your pregnancy and your request to him to be quiet was entirely reasonable. I would fear for the baby's safety if you stay with this man.

And STOP worrying about the WiFi. Please believe me when I say this is going to be skewer he torments you with. The weakness that he keeps poking away it to make you question yourself. Imagine he was playing a game in an Internet cafe/at his mothers/at a friend's house and being loud and antisocial so the wifi was turned off. Would it be ok for him to get in that persons face and threaten to smash their face in? Of course not! Why are you, his pregnant vulnerable DPNworth less than any of those people just because you are in a relationship with him?

I'm so glad you've updated this morning and are ok, OP. Do you have any friends or family at all nearby?

Hi OP
Didn't want to read and run.
Could you go for a drive and call 111 or women's aid to get some advice? And then delete the call history.
If you have nowhere to go then he should go. Does he work? Will he be back at work tomo?
It's really common for men to reveal abusive tendancies when their partners are pregnant/have just given birth. He's a weakling. You sound strong.
So sorry you're going through this. Agree with others that it'll be harder to act when your baby is here as you'll be so tired.
Stay safe.

OP please stop going on about being immature by turning the WiFi off.

Some years ago a good friend of mine knocked on my door in the early hours, blood pouring from her face having cycled 2 miles from her house to mine. Said told me her DH had beaten her "but I did smoke his last cigarette". No excuse.

Op thank you for updating lots of us were worried about you...

I agree with everyone else, he’s showing you who he really is. If you don’t get rid of him he’ll be acting the same or worse in a few weeks only then there will be a baby in the mix too that you’re dealing with alone while he sits gaming.

So glad you've updated OP - thinking of you! xx