37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

This man is abusive. You need to make a plan to end the relationship.

Register the baby's birth by yourself, with your surname.

Making a threat of violence is a crime and you could have called the police. You still can.

Life will get worse with him when the baby comes. His gaming addiction has taken over and he is utterly nasty to you.

Find a birthing partner. He doesn't deserve to be the one with you at such a vulnerable time.

The best thing women can do, is not give such men the honour of being in.a relationship with them. If they all refused to accept this behaviour...the abusers would either be alone or change.

Do not give him the pleasure of being with you...because you're worth so much more. You just need to believe it.

OP hope you're OK. And you need to get away from him. It will be a million times harder when the baby is here, and the abuse will escalate.

You are worth so much more and I know it’s so easy for us to say get out but you have to, find support wherever you can, make a midwife appointment ASAP

OP please listen to PPs.

Not only will he have outbursts like this again, the will escalate:

• in frequency
• he will damage the house/throw things/smash things
• that'll escalate to throwing things at you/smashing your or your child's things
• he will in all likelihood escalate to hitting you
• he may or may not be violent to the baby but the baby will be in a shit atmosphere, you'll be scared all the time, you'll NEVER, EVER be able to trust him, the baby will grow into a child who lives in an atmosphere, with you, of walking on eggshells and living in fear (inbetween which repeatable cyclical outbursts he will be just 'nice' enough to keep you hanging around, wasting your life and exposing your child to an abusive, bewildering and unpredictable home life).

Good morning OP. Hope your lack of reply means you are out of there x

OP please tell us you’re ok when you are able to. I echo all advice here. Hard and scary to walk away partic when so close to birth but he’s showing true colours and you need fAmily and DA specialist help.
Your other posts show this isn’t a one off event.
At 37 weeks pregnant he also shouldn’t be drinking if you’ve car and he will be driving you to hospital for birth.

He needs to bloody grow up. These games make people act like idiots sometimes. He’s a fully grown adult and expecting a baby very soon. You are right I bet he’s been drinking and is so involved in the game that it’s become reality to him. I’m worried for you, if you think that he genuinely will follow through with his threat then please please phone for some help. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. I genuinely believe that some of these bloody games should be banned they really do teach the players how to for eg shoot guns, act violently etc etc.

I’m a new mum with a 5 week old little girl and I honestly could not stay with someone if they had acted like this towards me. Being a new parent is really stressful at times and I would be terrified he would flip. I would make plans to leave.

Blimey, what he said to you and threatened to do is appalling but to tell you to 'bore off' when you were trying to show him baby clothes is just horrible too!
What on earth would he be like when the baby is crying for ages in the night?!
Get the hell out of there would be my advice

Op- can you go to your parents or to a brother or sister?

My DH is the kindest and most gentle person I know, we never argue, but even we have had a few fall outs in the last few weeks after a sleepless night or 2 hours trying to calm our little one followed by an apology on both our parts. Please think ahead on this one.

Seriously? Turning WiFi was childlish or bad. How is it bad after he told her to fuck off?
OP, what he told you last night was pretty bad. No excuse. If he is addicted then he should seek help but you are going to see more of it when the baby is born. Gaming is his baby.

OP, imagine you will need to go out when the baby is born. Imagine the baby is crying and he is playing games. He may do something to the baby like shake her/him. He is not fit to be a partner and neither a father. Run away from him and never leave a baby with him alone when he is visiting.

unfortunately during pregnancy some men become more abusive than they were previously. Midwives and medical staff are trained to look out for this - you may have seen posters or leaflets at your ante-natal checks. They can help, let them know.

It wouldn’t matter how worthy the thing he was doing, even if he was working on an important work project, it would still be justified to moan if that was keeping you awake at midnight whilst heavily pregnant. His reaction is particularly aggressive. He didn’t just shout or say you were being an idiot or whatever (problematic but probably forgivable if he was contrite) . He threatened you and your baby with harm. You need to be away from this man before he hurts your daughter or you.

If it’s any consolation, pregnancy is the highest risk time for domestic abuse. It’s despicable but you are not alone. You have no shame here. Don’t try to justify him. No doubt he is now trying to persuade you it was just the alcohol or the gaming or your unreasonable behaviour. You will be starting to doubt your recollection, maybe it wasn’t that bad? He loves me. Maybe I overreacted? Maybe I’m being dramatic?

You’re not. He is just reciting the abusers playbook. Please leave.

You and your baby deserve better than a man who drinks, play silly games online and threatens to beat up his heavily pregnant partner while keeping her awake playing said silly games.

Go to the Police today, lovely, and they will help you. Don't minimise his threats in the light of day today and just remember how scared you were when you wrote this thread

Please let us know how things are going OP. The response has been (mainly) unanimous and I think from your posts that you know it too. Don't let a new day and him being nice to you now change what you know needs to happen.

Hope you are ok OP?

And sadly the process that Blah describes of him starting to be nice again, blaming you, making you second-guess yourself, etc etc, is the start of him changing your brain's thinking process and soon you too will believe what he says. By this point you'll have a baby in the mix as well and if you think you feel stuck now, you'll be stuck even more when the baby comes.

I'm not being melodramatic, this is the process that will happen if you stay.

And I'm going to be a bit harsh and hyper-realistic now. But if you stay, you are choosing to have your child exposed to this wanker (who will also likely be an absolutely SHIT father) and his aggressiveness which will make her feel frightened and nervous and fearful.

It's up to you what you do and I can't imagine having to up sticks and leave someone at 37 weeks pregnant! What a living nightmare. But better than the nightmare of future abuse and misery for years and years to come not only for you but for your child as well.

Find whatever aspect of this motivates you enough to cancel out the fear of going it alone and run with it, whilst you also run for the hills. Today.

We know this shit OP. Sadly, your relationship with your DP isn't any different - sadly, they're all the fucking same. Same pattern, same twatty men, same progress to total shittyness of behaviour and violence, same misery for the woman, same misery for the child - nothing is unique about your situation and no, talking to him and making him understand will have no effect. None. This is who he is. He's showing you who he is - listen, and get out. You can do it.

His behaviour has been gradually escalating during your pregnancy - that is why you didn't see it coming.

Even if he doesn't hit you, you'll always be afraid of the possibility and will modify your behaviour accordingly. That is his goal - to control you.

Men like this are master manipulators, you're not stupid for being affected.

It's common for abusers to escalate from angry outbursts and cruel words to smashing objects when they don't feel you are frightened enough and compliant enough from cruel words alone. They do enough as they feel is necessary to control your behaviour.

Smashing objects to terrorise you doesn't make him any better than if he had laid hands on you.

I hope you are safe.

If it is safe for you to call - when he is not home to stumble in and overhear - you can call women's aid 0808 2000 247. They can help you find a refuge place and help you figure our finances and getting your own place.

You know the number for the police, and although I can understand why you might be afraid to call them, please know that they would want to be able to help you to make sure you were safe.

It's okay if you don't feel able to instantly up and leave, or don't know how to, but you can explore the steps towards being able to and then make your decision. Finding out doesn't mean you have to, but it means you'll have the option.

Your instincts are right though - this was unacceptable all on its own and you will always be at risk and afraid of him.

Be aware he may surprise you and lay on the charm to mess with your head if he thinks you've tipped towards leaving. So please don't warn him, because equally he might go the opposite direction into violence. He will pick whichever tactic he thinks will get you to stay under his control.

From my own experience, yes, leaving is scary and overwhelming, but staying is worse.

Keep safe and take care.

Oh OP, that’s awful. What a scumbag. You need to get out

Hope you are ok ? Been worried about you.

I wonder - if you think your man has the capacity to change - maybe show him this thread. Show him how most of us think you need to leave. This might be the wake up call he needs.

One of the suggestions on here that sticks out as a great one is pack his clothes and his games and see if he's prepared to give up the games and stay and quite literally Man up ! or take his toys the games and his clothes and for him to leave.

What ever happens, best wishes to you and your little one.

How are you this morning?

Do not show him the thread! That never works. Please keep Mumsnet as support.

@LunafortJest I read your comments last night and found them quite upsetting to be honest. No, I did not plan this child on my own, we both wanted our baby. And it was our choice to have a baby before we got married and I'm perfectly okay with that. I think your views are extremely outdated when it comes to that actually - as well as unhelpful.

I also have stated many times that my partner had not acted like this before and that I didn't understand why he'd changed,
So trying to make me feel guilty for having a baby with him is again, very unhelpful.

No matter how he behaves I am over the moon to be having this child and even though it looks like I will be raising her alone now, I wouldn't change a thing, she's my baby and none of this is her fault.