37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

I'm also in the tell someone IRL what is going on- please op.
For you own safety someone needs to have your back and right now you are alone with a ticking time bomb.

Go to someone.
I know that is a scary step to take but if even a passing acquaintance told me your story and asked for help they would get it.
I don't think you should spend another minute in the same house as him.

The only people nearby are his family and I wouldn't dream of speaking to any of them. They think he is fabulous because he's not a cheater.

All of my family and friends are too far away to get to and driving is agony anyway. That's why I am waiting until tomorrow so I can make a plan and I get paid tomorrow too so I could even go to a hotel tomorrow night half way if I can't manage the entire drive.

I understand it might look like I'm hoping for a miracle but I honestly am not. I know 100000% that he thinks he's in the right and there is no chance we could have a civilised conversation anyway because his anger levels are insane and I just don't need to be shouted at. I won't even tell him I'm going tomorrow, with a bit of luck he won't notice anyway lol.

I'm not frightened tonight, as I said providing I don't touch the internet nor ask him to keep it down, he won't move from his game or speak to me. I've just been down to make myself some tea and he didn't even look up, just sat there laughing in his head set.

No it’s totally clear why you need to stay until tomorrow. Tbh OP he may kick off if you try and leave tonight. It may be safer to pretend all is fine tonight and hopefully he will go to work as normal tomorrow.

Is there any chance he won’t do that? If he has been up all weekend gaming do you think he might call in sick tomorrow?

As I said op I think you are underestimating your friends, I'd drive all night to help someone I barely know out of this situation.

Nothing you do or don't do that he reacts too is your fault. The fault is all his.

Right now he is unpredictable and that makes him a danger to you.

Please please speak to someone

Just wanted to say I’m so impressed by your updates. You sound so strong and certain. We’re all cheering you on!

No I think he will go to work, he did sleep last night (well I assume as all was quiet from 3am until about 10am) - he would have slept on the sofa and he will sleep down there tonight. Not out of respect but because that way he can play until he falls asleep.

He doesn't get paid unless he goes to work.

Sorry to change the subject but whilst I'm here, does anyone have any experience with chest pains? I have a terrible pain in my right hand side of my chest, sort of above my breast. Kind of feels like a pulled muscle which would make sense as I'm having to pull myself up a lot with my upper body due to the SPD, just wondering if I should be worried or not though?

I would give 111 a call OP and explain the symptoms. They might want you to go and get checked out.

It's possible it's a strained ligament or possible the stress is causing the pain. I would get it checked out.

Hope I'm not stating the obvious but....Try to use your arms with your legs together to get out of bed- if that makes sense. Turn onto your side and raise up using your elbow. Swing your legs together out of bed. It's strange to do at first but it should be less painful.

Please go to your local walk in centre or call 111. You should really get it checked out xxx

111 satisfied its a pulled muscle, said to call back if it gets any worse. I can deal with the pain I was just a bit worried in case it was pregnancy related.

OP I've just read this thread and I'm thinking of you. I can't imagine how scary it is being so close to the birth.I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but have you considered talking to your community midwife or health visitor? They will be able to direct you to local women's services who can offer help and support and will be experienced in exactly this kind of thing. I hope you find a way out soon, you clearly deserve so much better at what should be a happy, exciting time x

I’m glad you managed to get some food in you. Take as good care of yourself as you can OP I am worried for you. Been checking in with this thread all day.
You’ve had loads of good advice already. So I’ll just say stay strong stay brave stay safe Handhold

Oh OP. I wish you’d tell someone. If you were my daughter I’d be straight into my car to get you. Wouldn’t matter what else was going on or that we didn’t have the space.

Can you speak to your midwife about it ? Will he be out of the house long tomorrow ? Enough time to get anything done ?

Does he have any rights to be there? Would I need to tell him when I was in labour?

No, he has no rights at all. Tell your midwife you don't want him to come in. They are very good at only letting in people who should be there. Labour wards are very secure places.

OP it might be helpful to make a list now of the things you will pack tomorrow when you leave - keep it private on your phone.
It is making a move in the right direction without causing you anymore physical pain moving around.
Good luck - you are already a brilliant mum.
And remember, if you get weaker moments and wish you were with him, he can come back to you when his behaviour makes you feel loved and not scared. He is messing this up by being abusive (cos that's what this is), NOT you by leaving.
Ignore MIL! He can go drink tins in the dark and shout the f word at her TV, she'll love it...

Well, sit tight for tonight I guess. Hope you get a good sleep. Have you a list of people to call tomorrow? Or do you have a plan of sorts?

You do want someone to be there for you, however. I was surprised how little contact I had with my midwives in both labours. They were in the room, but spend an awful lot of time with their backs to me writing notes.

If you've taken a lot of gas an air you may be high as a kite - you'll also be dealing with contractions - and so it's not always able to easily express what you want (eg water / help changing position / whatever). If definitely helps to have a friendly face who'll listen, hold your hand if you want, what you need, and just to be there.

Also, hospitals can be very short staffed. The nurses promised me tea and toast afterwards but it never came! I was starving after labouring for hours and I desperately wanted a cup of tea. A visiting friend got me one from the cafe in the end.

Not sure what's going on with me, I've just randomly been sick down myself. I've been sick a lot in this pregnancy but never randomly like that, always made it to the bathroom.

I'm not in any extra pain or anything and I don't feel sick, quite embarrassed though. Thank god he's engrossed in his game and can't hear anything up here.

Definitely need to get out of here tomorrow and be with someone who loves me. I can't do this on my own 😭

You sound very sensible

Please take care

Get out tomorrow and do not go back ever

Do not believe his lies

I would cut all contact
If he wants let him go down the legal route for contact

He is an abuser
Poor you
I am so upset to read all he has said to you and the most recent threat
JUST SHOCKING

please keep updating on here and asking for advice also
We are here to help

Very best wishes

Maybe you should call 111/gp out if hours and add that to the pain (it's probably nothing and the two are probably unrelated) but just as a precaution.

Re the birth can no friend or relative be your birthing partner - if not, perhaps the local women's centre or ncp or antenatal yoga etc class place can put you in touch with a birth partner.

I went to antenatal yoga for a few classes and the teacher did birth partner stuff too for any me who wanted/needed it.

Fuck I vomited the night I went into labour 😕 what’s your plan if that happens?!

Sending you lots of love OP.
You are truly at your most vulnerable now, but you're also becoming a mother. I remember a very mild and diminutive lady explaining to me how you become a lioness when you have babies and you sound as through you are calmly sorting this situation. Please don't let this lioness overestimate her physical capability though - you are hugely pregnant, in pain and not that mobile. You can plan your way out if this but I think you do need some help. As someone said previously, they'd drive hours to help someone in your situation. Choose a friend, family member, chat to your midwife, ring your local priest, homestart, whatever it takes to have someone you can trust even just to fetch, carry, drive and feed you.
So sorry your partner has let you down so badly. He's addicted or mentally ill, or whatever, but he's not someone who should be near you or a baby if he can not control himself.
Your MW needs to know he's not welcome in hospital. I think registering the birth alone would also be a sensible precaution.
Please take care. You can do this on your own, in fact you need to. And you and your baby will be fine and happy and loved without him.

OP, if you are by any chance within 3 or 4 hours drive of Glasgow, and have no other option, I will come and get you. I will take you to your folks' house, or a friends', or find somewhere for you to stay, or you can stay here in our spare room. For god's sake, please call someone, the police, your mother, a refuge. I think you're holding it all together amazingly, but at some point you are going to have to make the break for it.

I know that moment of fear, it's terrifying. It's admitting that the problem is real. It will be okay. You will be okay, and there are SO MANY people who will and can help you, who will want to help. But you have to take that step to get out.

I am here if you need someone, if I can help, message me. I appreciate I'm a random stranger off the internet, but the offer is there.