37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

There's part of me also that's putting it off until tomorrow because I sort all of the admin/bills out for the house and I know there is SO much to do it's extremely overwhelming.

It's going to be much harder when the baby comes. Please, get out of there asap. I'm worried about you getting stuck there with the baby.

@PhalangeReginaPhalange I don't know in all honesty, I really don't want him there when I give birth though. Which I know he will want to be and at this moment I'd say I'd be happy for him to come to the hospital afterwards, with my family there but right now the thought of him being there when I'm at my most vulnerable sends me into a crazy panic.

Does he have any rights to be there? Would I need to tell him when I was in labour? Sorry if this is obvious, I'd never thought about it. Actually I've spent the last 9 months worried that he wouldn't make it there from work or something!

Either my mum or other sibling (not the one with the troubles) would come in with me to be my birthing partner though, so I wouldn't be alone. Although I do wonder how much I'd even mind being on my own, I guess when you're in that much pain you don't care who's there?

Just hope and pray nothing happens tonight.

I wouldn't bother telling him you're in labour, I wouldn't have him at the birth and I wouldn't invite him afterwards. Let him get up off his addicted arse and take you to court for access.

You’ve been out nearly all day so I’m not suprised you are feeling sore but it seems like you are putting yourself in a difficult position by staying there tonight. Don’t tell him you are leaving him just tell him you fancy spending the night at you Mums then come back and do the ‘admin’ or whatever tomorrow.

Your Mum will want to know and will want to help. I don’t understand why you are staying if you are scared.

I wouldn’t tell him you are in labour unless you absolutely have to. Can family take you to hospital?

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. He has absolutely no rights whatsoever to be in the room with you when you're in labour. You are the patient, and you can choose who is there (if anyone) to support you. If you tell the midwives you don't want your partner there (because he is abusive) then they will support you in that.

You don't need to tell him you're in labour either.

I'm so sorry you're going through this! It's strange that he's changed so suddenly! I wouldn't rule out drugs tbh xx

Dear God OP. If SS ever got involved with him hanging around with drug dealers and unemployed drug dealers and drug dealers who've just come out of prison, how do you think that would play out?

You've GOT to get out tomorrow. Take whatever prescribed painkillers the Dr's have allowed you to take so you can do it. Take only the clothes you need for a few days and all your papers and ID.

Get out.

This increased drinking absolutely cannot bode well for his behaviour going forward - the risk is increasing for you OP.

OP, I'm worried about you. You don't seem to have told a single person who knows who you are about last night's incident. You are scared of him, he's in your house, you're in pain and vulnerable and can't easily leave. You haven't called anyone have you? Not women's Aid, not the police, not even your mum? Is there a part of you that wants to believe this isn't happening and hope it will all go back to normal if you just pretend it's not happening?

If you're not prepared to report him to the police so that you can force him to leave, you need to get out of there yourself. I'm not saying leave tonight - I'm sure it would be safer to leave tomorrow when he's at work - but you need a plan. You could call women's Aid and ask about a place at a refuge. You could think about family or friends that might have you to stay, or just look into a cheap hotel or B&B.

Sorry OP. I haven't read the whole thread so I don't know if anyone has given you this advice already - whatever happens, even if you make up, make sure you give the baby your surname and don't give him parental responsibility when you register your child. I always regretted those two things with my abusive ex.

"Does he have any rights to be there?"
No
"Would I need to tell him when I was in labour?"
No, do not tell him

"Although I do wonder how much I'd even mind being on my own, I guess when you're in that much pain you don't care who's there?"
I'm sure women manage on their own but it's a much better experience if you have someone with you. Someone to hold your hand and advocate for you when you're too out of it to advocate for yourself. Please contact your mum or sibling ASAP and ask them to be on standby to be your birth partner. You need to tell someone what's going on and you need to know that you'll have someone supportive with you at the birth.

No he has no rights to be at birth. I wouldn't even tell him you are in labour.

I'm worried about you too. His behaviour is erratic - you aren't safe, even if you probably are right that he will stay downstairs playing. I'm worried that now you're definitely in the position of 'frightened partner who's been put in her place' - now he's openly abusing you and threatening violence and (so far) you have not responded to defend yourself at all, not left, not called the police - I'm a little frightened for your safety full stop, because now he will feel as if he can do what he likes and you won't call the authorities. Things have shifted.

You absolutely don't have to let him know you're in labour! Quite the opposite - he has NO right at all to be told anything about your medical business and you can and should have a note on your file and make it clear that he is banned from the hospital. Until the baby is born none of it is his concern. And even then, if you don't put him on the birth certificate then there is absolutely nothing he can do without going to court.

Situations like this should however not be a problem because by then you will have reported him to the police and he will not be allowed anywhere near you - right?

Please - it's clear so far that you've told no -one, made no moves to protect either yourself or your baby. That's worrying. I appreciate that you think waiting until the working week starts is going to be a better way to do it, in some ways you will be right although the risk is very clear. But PLEASE don't think that if you can just somehow get away there's no need to report. You'll bitterly regret it when the question of contact arises.

Is there any way you can go to see a friend tonight and stay? I know it's not easy. But really, you aren't safe now.

the ridiculous games cause so much unchallenged aggression and add alcohol to the mix is asking for trouble. please get in touch with womens aid and if you think you are in danger the police i think this is a horrible situation to be in and you are right not wanting a daughter to grow up with such a situation

Op he has absolutely no right to be informed when you are in labour or to be present while you are giving birth. He has no legal right to visit you or your baby while in hospital or when you come home. He would only get that right by attending court, confirming he is the father and getting a court order for contact. But no judge will order that before a baby is born. Rest assured you will be in no trouble at all if you don’t tell him when youre having the baby.

I think he has lost all perspective and has got completely sucked into this game. I had an ex like that.

He is such an *rse. You don't need this stress so close to having the baby as it could make the labour so much more difficult. For that reason alone you need to get out of there quick!

I really feel for you! Good luck!

Ye gads he sounds awful. Please stay safe

OP I think you're like a rabbit in the headlights (understandably, I'm not being mean) and aren't thinking this through clearly.

Just get in the car and go to your parents. Everything else can be sorted after, you're just putting obstacles in your own path.

I've read all your posts, OP. I just wanted to say that you can absolutely let hospital staff know you don't want him they're for the labour and they will sort it.

You're right that you can give birth without a birth partner: I gave birth 3 months ago and just had the hospital staff around me and I was just thinking about what I was doing so you can do it just with hospital staff if you need to. You certainly don't need him.

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight. Is there a chance he'll come up to bed with you? Or is he sleeping elsewhere?

I would put money on him taking drugs - probably from the dealer who has just got out of prison.
How is he staying awake so long? That, coupled with the aggression suggests amphetamine use.
This would make him aggressive and irresponsible.
You need to get out of there asap.
Don't engage with him.

OP I don't have any experience of DV so didn't respond last night as I knew others would be on with better advice. But I'm posting as like PP I'm worried that you haven't told anyone in RL and you sound so vulnerable. Can a friend come and stay the night? Could they make something up (like a ceiling collapsing something which would mean they would have to leave their house)?

You are really brave and can do this, please take care and be very wary. Call your parents as a mom I can assure you I would be absolutely heartbroken if my DD didn't call me in this situation no matter what else was going on in my life.

Oh and you do not have to tell him your in labour - I was my friends birthing partner and she text the father a week after the birth when she was at home and a bit more settled. He has no rights, you are the patient.

Dear Op, wish I was near you to slap him and kick him out. I'm worried you being there tonight. Can you put something on the door, lock it somehow? Talk to your council, explain the situation, see what you can do. I would have called the police the night of the incident. I know you were quite because of your baby. But you are at risk. His behaviour is very volatile. Please just leave. As pp have said he has shown you who he really is... And his mother... WTF? If that was my son I would have slapped him and give him a really hard time.... So so sorry you are in this situation. Please just focus in the baby and your health xxxxx

Do you feel safe or are you afraid and just hoping that nothing happens. If it's the latter, I would make a grab for essentials (if possible safely) and leave now : nothing is worth putting yours and your baby's safety at risk.

OP, I read your post late last night and wanted to say I've been thinking of you and your situation today.

Yes you can definitely be at your daughters birth on your own (I was).

Yes you can get out of this relationship now. Your partner sounds quite unhinged - perhaps caused by drink/gaming/the fact it has dawned on him he is going to be a dad. Regardless he is abusing you emotionally and is selfish and behaving disgustingly. You need to put yourself and your baby first. If he is behaving like this now, totally detached from you, then I am sorry to say he will be even worse when baby is here. Babies are VERY disruptive to home life and relationships and it doesn't sound like he will cope. There is a real risk he will take it out on you.

I do not know of the organisations that can help ( I'm hoping some others do on here) but I am sure if you let your friends and family in, you will get some support.

A newborn baby is totally magical, do not let your partner ruin the last few weeks of your maternity nor the special time after baby is born.

You are strong and you can do this. Get him out of your life now.

Best of luck xxx