37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

This is my first Mumsnet LTB - but please do.
If he is saying those kind of things now, god knows what he will do when there is a baby waking up every hour, or a cheeky toddler running about screaming

Haven’t RTFT, just your posts Brexit

Please tell your parents, and do not tell him that you are planning to leave.

When he is at work tomorrow report this to the police and tell them you are making plans to leave. Speak to Women’s Aid, they will give you good advice regarding how to leave.

My parents wouldn't be able to provide money nor have room for me and baby to stay, long term anyway. But they definitely would help emotionally regardless of how much they've got going on with my sibling. I just don't really want to add anything onto them just yet, id rather try and figure out what I am going to do and then speak to them so at least when I do they won't feel totally helpless or stressed and they'll see that I'm going to be ok.

It's a beautiful day here where I am, and I've just got home and he's sat in the living room playing his game surrounded by cans, in the dark with the curtains drawn and the heating on. I've turned it off and came upstairs and can hear him laughing a lot with whoever he's speaking to on there - annoying but better than him screaming I guess!

Never seen him like this before, very happy to stay upstairs and rest for the rest of the evening as my legs and hips are killing me. I just hope he has the decency to keep it down, obviously I won't be asking him to again.

Is it bad though, that I'm annoyed he's laughing? I mean I know it doesn't matter but honestly, if I felt I'd upset or frightened him I couldn't live with myself until I'd said sorry, and him laughing and going about his day as normal just makes me realise he doesn't actually care about me at all, does he? And he certainly doesn't think what he did/said was wrong - or he does and just doesn't care.

Make a appointment at citizen advice bureau. Explain situation and they'll be able to tell you what sort of help you could get.

I’m so glad you are going to leave @brexitisamare. This mans behaviour today shows he has no remorse and is t concerned about you or the baby.
Please tell your parents and get their support just now whilst you sort things. It is just what you’d want your grown child to do isn’t it?
Id rather you got out now to know you were safe but if you feel you can’t, please keep your phone nearby. As soon as he goes to work tomorrow please pack and get out and don’t go back. And tell police. It needs to be recorded.
And loads luck with baby. On your own not easy. But with a partner ignoring you and baby and being violent and uncaring it’s a lot worse so stay strong.

He doesn't think he's done wrong, you know that already

Can you go to a friend for the night then contact his family and tell them he threatened you last night and you want him to leave asap?

You can't continue with this 'man'. I'm so sorry. This should be a happy time nest building with a loving and supportive partner. He should be checking on you and making sure that you are comfortable.

I wouldn't want to spend another night under the same roof as him. Is there not somewhere you can go just for tonight at least? Why should you be hiding away upstairs?
And if not then go out tomorrow and speak to someone from Housing to get emergency accommodation or look into your options. You were threatened and were petrified. They will take that seriously.

Go to your parents. You need to get away from him before he physically harms you. It's not forever but what he could do to you could be if you stay too long. Eventually he's going to want something from you and if you don't immediately comply it could be very serious for you.

Can you imagine living there with a crawling baby? How would that work? Would you and your child have to live upstairs or navigate a pitch black lounge littered with beer cans?

Woman is right. Pack first thing tomorrow, give him no hint of what you're doing. And you MUST call the police and register his threats, seriously. You explain you were so afraid that you had to wait to leave until he'd gone to work and leave in secret, but that you want him out the house. And speak to Women's Aid to ask about somewhere to go and how to get a non molestation order.

Please.

he's sat in the living room playing his game surrounded by cans, in the dark with the curtains drawn and the heating on.

You need to leave tonight!

Sorry, you do. He has shown no change of mood since yesterday, He has been drinking all day, he has shut the curtains, he is fully in his zone. Please believe me when I tell you you are extremely vulnerable tonight. Please go to your parents tonight. Sorry, I know this sounds incredibly dramatic but I’m actually terrified for you right now.

He's been into his game for a while but not like he was last night or today, I am gob smacked at his behaviour. And the drinking. He's sometimes came home from work and said he fancied a beer but he's not sat and got drunk by himself and the fact he's sat there drinking in the dark playing a game is really out of character and in my opinion weird.

This could be his last day off before our baby arrives and he hasn't moved off the sofa. Our boiler is leaking and the landlord said she'd sort it but he said no that he wanted to do it, this was 3 weeks ago and guess what - still leaking!

I do want to leave today for what it's worth, of course I do but the pain I'm in I really can't bare to drive my car or pack any stuff and as I say I'm not really sure where I'd go right now. I do think as long as I keep myself to myself and don't speak to him he will leave me alone, but I have decided that if he does show even the slightest bit of aggression tonight I will definitely text the police on that link a PP sent. I don't mind hiding up here putting up with him shouting at the game for one more night but i can't cope if he punches or breaks anything or threatens me again.

There's part of me also that's putting it off until tomorrow because I sort all of the admin/bills out for the house and I know there is SO much to do it's extremely overwhelming. Plus it all comes out of my bank account, tomorrow oddly enough. And it's hard enough each month getting him to then send me his half towards things, let's be honest is he going to be snappy about it this month if I've left?

I wish I could kick him out but I know he won't go. In an ideal world I'd ask his mum for support as she doesn't live far but I know exactly what she will say "just be glad he's not out cheating or doing drugs".

I think you need to get out of there. You can get a premier inn for £35, if you've nowhere else to go.

Is he 16 ?

I'd have turned the broadband off if my partner told me to fuck off after waking up, sorry but you don't speak to your missus like that over a GAME! Hope you're ok!

He's almost 31. It's so scary because when we met one of the things I liked about him the most was his independence and initiative. Both of which he now no longer has.

I do wonder if it's my fault, as I am a bit of an organiser and I did sort of take control of the bills and things when we moved in together. But I never minded sorting things out, I still don't, but what I don't get is how all of a sudden the man who used to want to spend time with me on his days off and or sort our home out, now wants to sit in the dark swearing at a game? I can hear him now shouting "fuck sake I've died again".

He has even just said "I'm going to snap this fucking disc in half". What on earth is going on here?????

He is addicted to the game.
It may be he is stressed out about the baby, and has got sucked into the game, I know lots of young boys this has happened too.
Could you get him to meet you outside the house away from the game and just talk?

Please go.

I didn’t see that link someone sent earlier, but please please, if you want to text the police you need to set up the service on your phone first- you can’t just do it in that moment, without setting it up.

It’s really easy to set up but please take a moment to do it now before you need it

@mummmy2017 I'd love to do that, well not so much now but before I would have. Even when he gets home from work now though, I ask how his days been, try to tell him about any appointments I've had (high risk pregnancy so lots of scans and checks), or if I've bought baby something, and the last week it's comments like "I've just got in can you be quiet".

There's no way he'd speak to me calmly in or outside of the house now. He's completely uninterested in me and the baby and I just don't know why. Maybe it is gaming addiction, but it's really cruel and upsetting. I have never felt so alone in my life. I'm in agony and even getting off the bed to go to the toilet is just so painful. Sorry, I'm having a weak moment here and getting myself upset. Just feel a bit sorry for myself if I'm honest, listening to him laughing isn't helping. I'll be okay again in a minute.

Do you know who is playing with?

If you can't stay with your family you can stay in a refuge. You're on maternity leave so don't have to stay near work, and your baby isn't born yet so you don't have to think about keeping to the area for her school. You have relatively few ties so that'll make it slightly easier for you (not that these things are ever easy!) I know it's hard to go, but he's violent, has been drinking all day and you are too scared to even make a noise in your own house.

Once you're away please report this to the police. This kind of paper trail will pay dividends when he and his enabling mother are trying to get unsupervised overnight access to your baby.

You are doing so well OP, stay strong and brave. Pp have given good advice, hope you can get help to get out ASAP 💐💐

Honestly op getting out before your baby is born will be for the best!

You aren’t being weak at all. I wish there was more we could all do, what happens when you go into labour?

Yeah I know who he's playing with, one is an unemployed drug addict and the other is a drug dealer who just recently got out of jail. He doesn't spend any time with these people socially but if he's not on the game with them he's texting them.

Again, one of the things that attracted me to him originally was that he was one of few young men these days who doesn't take drugs. And in fairness, he still doesn't but I can see him going down that path at this rate. I just don't get how he has changed so much so quickly. I was so excited to start a family with this man and now I am frightened to go down to my own kitchen because of him.