37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

Incidentally, it's him who should be looking for a place to live now & not you. The police will support you in getting him to leave, just show them this thread

Im sure your parents would hate to think you couldn't count on them or they're too busy
Tell them

@PotteryGirl Lol, so do you think abusive men start out abusive? That we're all completely thick and fall head over heels in love with violent arseholes? Or do you think that it takes them a while to let loose.....?

However their relationship was in the past, if a man tells you to fuck off, then storms up the stairs in a violent rage, slamming the door, threatening to smash the house up and smash your face in - do you really think he has the capacity for change? Really?
Yes, I do think you are naive.

This is the mode he is in right now: m.youtube.com/watch?v=d5NHBn5p9vY

It is not your responsibility to teach him it's not acceptable to abuse you. You won't be able to anyway, because he believes he has the right to control you and that therefore his behaviour can be justified whenever you challenge him or seem too confident.

Please be cautious about warning him that you plan to leave. Women are most at risk of homicide when they leave, because it is the ultimate loss of control over them for the abuser. Even amongst men who have never previously been violent.

Freedom Programme can also help you with making sense of all this and getting your head together once you've got practical matters sorted: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I'm sorry, it's so devastating realising that the loving, kind version of the person you loved was all fake and they actually don't care about you.

When your baby comes his behaviour will have to change. Fact. He'll have to be a responsible adult and not a man child..there will be more important things to attend to than gaming all night

This is really not how it works. Abusive, lazy, selfish men remain abusive, lazy and selfish after the baby is born.

OP, if you do (and I would strongly advise you to) speak to police to make a formal complaint, it's worth noting that sometimes they can make it a bail condition that he cannot return to house, if they decide to charge him with something - it might be worth asking them if this something that they have power to do in your case. I'm not sure what cases it applies to, but it's worth asking them anyway as I've seen it in slightly different circumstances (though in that case the perpetrator wasn't on the tenancy agreement).

Financially, Women's Aid will be able to signpost you to the various agencies available to help you and to guide you through the police process and particularly the housing options you will now have, and which you will have when baby arrives.

“Unfortunately parents can't help and I'm reluctant to involve them as they've got a lot on their plate with my other sibling at the moment which is much more serious than this.“
Brexit- I have adult children. I would be ^heartbroken” if I discovered one of them had felt they couldn’t ask me for help at a time like this- whatever else I was dealing with.

This is just as serious as what is going on with your sibling as he could kill you if he gets violent.

For sure the stresses and strains of a new baby can and do test even the strongest relationship.

Which is why even thinking about staying, while pregnant, with the kind of man who will threaten to smash your face in for turning off the wifi is completely unsafe. Unsafe for you and even more unsafe for your baby.

OP has exactly the right instincts here in not even considering staying with this person and putting her baby at risk. And for what, exactly - so that she can have a miserable life with a nasty piece of work for a partner?

The safety of the baby comes way before any 'second chance' for a man like this, even presuming the OP would be in any way interested in continuing such a horrible relationship.

OP, he's done you a massive favour. He's shown you what you can expect for the next fifty years.

Now, quietly, when he's out, pack up and leave. Find somewhere, anywhere, but get away from him.

Please tell your friends what is happening. You’ll be surprised about how much they might already guess or not be surprised when you tell them. They won’t tell you they don’t like your partner when you previously seemed happy and oblivious to things.

Of course tell your parents! Just because one sibling has a problem doesn’t mean that you can’t have one which affects you in your own way.

Please keep reading this thread if you ever decide not to leave.

Phone you midwife tomorrow and say you need to leave your partner and you need help.

I agree with Bertrand. My daughter is still young, but I would be heartbroken if she didn't ask for my help in a situation like this. Your parents will want to help.

I really feel for you. Having to move or get him out this close to birth must seem very daunting. It is far better to go now, though, before you have a newborn, as it will be much, much more difficult once the baby is here.

He doesn't deserve you or the baby. You both deserve a stable, loving home. Please get your parents to help you.

I too agree with Betrand. I have 2 adult DC's. One has an awful lot to deal with at the moment. I would be very upset if the other one was dealing with something like this on their own

Get our before the baby is born. Report the threats to the police. Honestly this will be a million times harder once the baby is here.

I knew my dd was in an abusive relationship long before she told me. Maybe even before she fully knew herself. So did her friend. We were both ready and waiting for the moment she was prepared be helped.

OP, please do not believe any apology. The other apology that would be worth its salt would be one accompanied by swearing off drink and video games, while signing up for therapy.

Words are bloody cheap.

Even if he apologizes, OP, I think you need to keep your distance. Reading this thread gives me the chills. So many red flags. It really sounds like he doesn’t want this baby, and that he is quite volatile. This is how he is BEFORE a tiny, mystifying little thing is screaming in your bed at 3am when neither of you has had a proper sleep in weeks... this could genuinely get dangerous for you and your newborn. Not worth the risk. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now.

And definitely tell your parents. This is what family is for. My sister once had a crisis when I had a bunch of other things going on... believe me when I say that supporting her DID NOT feel like an extra burden. It simply had to happen and there were no two ways about it. It brought us closer, and though that period was exhausting I would never ever hold it against her. My children are still very young but I imagine that feeling would be all the stronger if ever they needed my help.

I think you need to do whatever it takes to get out of there. If you were my friend I'd drop everything to help you.

It's very concerning that in the 2 incidents you have told us about he has wished or threatened harm to you. It's a big indication to how his mind works. This won't change. It's him.

He maybe feels you are weaker and more vulnerable now you're pregnant so he can get away with expressing violence.

Actually committing it could be the next step. But why risk it?

What situation with your sibling could take precedence over their near term pregnant daughter having the life of her baby and her own threatened by her despicable and abusive partner? Is the sibling in hospital or jail? You should confide in them and report your partner to the police so when you do split and he demands access to the baby you have a trail of evidence of his violence!

I really recommend that you report his threat and his violence to the police today. You don't even have to press charges but it means there is a record of what he's done! This could be very useful to you in the future.

Definitely don't show him this thread. @HumptyNumptyNooNoo what do you think a man who threatens to smash his partner's face in for turning off the wifi is going to do when he sees that she's shared his behaviour with the public, and that most of them are condemning him? Are you trying to get her hurt?

Op, talk to women's aid and to your midwife and to your parents, and get out soon before the baby arrives.

I would also involve the police - having a record of his behaviour could be really useful to you as Scabbyhorse says.

Good Luck OP protect your baby - baby won’t immediately shut up when told by your DP, baby likely will cry for hours on end - it’s what they do. DP will not be able to concentrate on his violent games when baby comes- even if you are happy to be single mum in a designated area of the house, baby will be making a noise- you have to leave for baby especially to be safe -

You posted last week didn't you Op? Under a different name. It's time to leave. His abuse is obviously intensifying. Please tell your parents. Please seek help!