37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

[brexitisamare]

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

Just wanted to say how sorry I am you received that message on here OP. I didn't see the content before it was deleted but can't say I'm surprised it was that particular poster. I know it's hard but please try not to dwell on anything she/he said, they're obviously a fucked up individual and whatever they said says more about them than it does about you. I really hope you'll stay, most of us are relatively sane and there's lots of concern and support for you here

Please keep posting on here

From 3 weeks to 40 weeks pregnant my ex abused me
He then went on to try and kill me

2 things -
Yes what has happened is a big red flag
And secondly without great advice on here I would prob be dead

Please run run run
As far as you can
Don't tell him
Just get out
Maybe to a nice hotel for short while then go to Womans aid?

Is it 'Fortnite'? This is our daily experience apart from the fact that it's my 15 year old step-son displaying such behaviour. I rue the day his friend downloaded the bloody game onto his laptop. Obviously which game isn't important, as your partner's behaviour is disgraceful and I hope you are ok. However, the amount of usually 'placid' people I've heard about, turning into abusive arses over this particular computer game, is unbelievable. A very sad state of affairs

its not the game- hes done this before saying i hope something bad happens to you-hes just a nasty piece of work and i hope u can get some help to leave

brexitisamare I'm, so, so sorry you've experienced that.

You're obviously a decent person in a (sadly not unusual) situation not of your own making. Once you get away (which you will sooner or later I'm sure) you'll still be a decent human being but without this arsehole dragging you down.

The poster who messaged you on the other hand, is a nasty individual who is motivated to spend their spare time kicking other people when they're down. What a spiteful, horrible thing to do. It says nothing about you and everything about them. Was a sorry, poisoned life they must lead, I pity them.

Love and strength to you xx

You poor girl. I too had similar behaviour and the same comment made to me while I was pregnant. There was a slow build up to it all - in hindsight it was visible but I was in denial and swept a lot under the carpet.

My advice is speak to Women's Aid, your midwife, GP and police. Any family or friends nearby who can offer support? And at some point Freedom Programme too. And btw none of this is your fault. You did not invite any of this - the blame lies firmly with him. A man whose mother panders to him by making him a cup of tea after he has behaved appallingly, well that speaks volumes about him and his family. So sorry.

Would your parents be in a position to help you OP?

I'm out of the house now, he didn't say anything to me as I walked past him to leave. I'm gonna go visit my gran as she's a bit poorly bless her.

Unfortunately parents can't help and I'm reluctant to involve them as they've got a lot on their plate with my other sibling at the moment which is much more serious than this.

I'm going to try and stay out as long as possible today and then tomorrow I can start focusing on my plan moving forward. I'm disappointed he hasn't apologised but if I'm honest I'm glad, if he did apologise and seem sorry I'd have to make a decision whereas he's making it really easy to know that I need to leave now.

oh Im sure he will apologise - he wont mean it though. Stay strong!

He will apologies once he realsies you're not accepting his abusive crap. Well done for getting out OP. Is it sunny where you are? If so enjoy the sunshine and stay strong.

Please contact someone in RL, You'll be surprised by what your RL friends think of him. It is unlikely they haven't noticed how unpleasant he is to you.
He is not a nice person, he may apologize, but this is who he is,
You are actually lucky to have discovered how violent & uncontrolled he is before you are abused & beaten (figuratively if not physically )into a corner where you feel unable to leave.

Unfortunately parents can't help and I'm reluctant to involve them as they've got a lot on their plate with my other sibling at the moment which is much more serious than this

If I was one of your parents I would be heartbroken if you didn’t ask for support with this regardless of whatever else they have on.

Yes he will apologise when he realises you’re leaving.

Please take advice from women’s aid before you do anything. Leaving ab abusive relationship is when you are most at risk. abusive men ramp up the threats and violence to scare you into staying. It works all too often unfortunately and many women stay only to suffer far worse afterwords. I’m not saying this to scare you but to reinforce how important it is that you take professional advice before doing anything.

I'm sorry about the message you received. That's awful. Ugh to nasty trolls.

It's so much easier to leave before you have the baby. Not easy at 37 weeks with SPD AT ALL, but still easier than with a newborn.

How far away are your parents? Hopefully very far. Would you be able to get somewhere to stay near them, or think of a refuge?

They may have a lot on their plate, but think - would they really want you to not let them know what's going on? Don't think of yourself as just a burden, either! So they have some serious stuff happening with your sibling - turn it around - ok this is of course extra stress but you being closer, and having the baby closer to them, could be positive too. You could be a mutual support and there's also plenty of helping and support you can do in return I'm sure. Maybe talk to them?

You might be surprised at who believes you. His mask has slipped now - be honest, would you think a friend was walking away at 37 weeks pregnant when there was nothing really amiss? No.

His parents won't believe you. But that might not matter. Be prepared for him to totally walk away, especially if you take precautions to protect the baby so he can't control the situation. A nasty man like this might just as easily walk away in a stream of expletives rather than accept supervised access, which might be the best thing for you and your baby. And then he can sit with his comfort telly on while his parents make up stories about how awful you are to make themselves feel better. It won't matter.

This aspect is another reason to report, report, report. Please go to the police once you are safely out, and please call womens aid.

When your baby comes his behaviour will have to change. Fact. He'll have to be a responsible adult and not a man child..there will be more important things to attend to than gaming all night like a teenager. Discuss it with him and if you feel he's not going to cut it as the sort of partner you want for you and your baby then you'll know what to do. This is a very worrying sign and the last thing you need. Be strong.

It was me that said "Hope you are ok ? Been worried about you.

I wonder - if you think your man has the capacity to change - maybe show him this thread. Show him how most of us think you need to leave. This might be the wake up call he needs.

One of the suggestions on here that sticks out as a great one is pack his clothes and his games and see if he's prepared to give up the games and stay and quite literally Man up ! or take his toys the games and his clothes and for him to leave.

What ever happens, best wishes to you and your little one. "

It was aimed as an option if the OP thought he had the capacity to change - and was suggested as "maybe show him" - rather than a "you must !"

I wouldn't expect anyone to do anything they feel my be detrimental to their safety.

Please tell your midwife what’s going on, they will provide you with information that may help you leave!

@potterygirl

That’s a very naive thing to say. Yes, he should change but he probably won’t. This is why 3 women a week die due to domestic violence. This is why babies and children are killed and injured.

Good luck OP stay strong and please confide in someone.

I quite agree nos, he won’t change pottery, a man who is verbally abusive and threatening to his pregnant partner is dangerous. A pregnant woman should provoke some sort of protective response from the father, not the opposite!

they've got a lot on their plate with my other sibling at the moment which is much more serious than this

This is serious too, OP. I don't want to belittle anything that is happening to your sibling, but you have witnessed violence in your home and he has also issued you with direct threats to your personal safety. I still think you should consider informing your parents.

I am sorry to hear that you received a shitty and spiteful pm and I am glad it was taken seriously. I must say that I have given up keeping a private message box and I have locked mine. There are just too many utter shits around.

Keep strong. Talk to your family. You need all the support you can get right now, and you will need it even more when the baby arrives, so it is best to put them fully in the picture.

If he can go to his mum, perhaps you can stay in the flat. Hopefully there will be financial support for you to do that. There will be many people who want to help and support you and other posts will have given you ideas of where to seek advice tomorrow. You sound like a lovely person and will be a very good mum.

Maybe my comments are naive but at one time the OP and he partner were connected enough to have a child. Don't misunderstand me I am in no way suggesting that the OP stays and lives in fear. If she feels her life or the life of her child are in danger then she should be leaving pronto with no discussion whatsoever. I may have missed the comment where this is recurring behaviour from him. How old is the OP and her partner? I don't know any grown men who stay up til all hours gaming, making a racket and swearing if the WiFi is turned off..that behaviour is reserved for my teenagers..
Only the OP will know if she can sit and have a rational talk with her partner about their future together. For sure the stresses and strains of a new baby can and do test even the strongest relationship.

Read the full thread
Tell your parents op.

I'm so sorry for you op, but so impressed by your resolve to do what has to be done. Don't try to go it alone, take all the help and advice you can find including women's Aid , local support groups and police if necessary. Spend today doing some thinking and research by all means but you must find some support. Bless you and good luck with it all.