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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What will happen if I call the police? I don’t know what to do?

73 replies

GremlinDolphin1 · 22/03/2019 01:32

I am in the middle of divorcing emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive h, long marriage etc. Finally got my act together end of last year but still living together.

I went to bed st 11.30 and at 12.30 he came in and started shouting at me very close up, pulled duvet off me, calling me unrepeatable names, pushed my shoulder into the bed, ddc (teenagers) woke up and asked him to stop. He then hit me across the face. He followed me to another room and continued going on at me.

I am now in another room, can’t stop shaking and don’t know what to do. He is still awake as I can see the light under the door.

My youngest dd 14 is very vulnerable (CAMHS) and hates this and I am so worried now.

Would it make things worse if I called the police now? In the morning? What would they do? I can’t do anything until he is asleep anyway.

Any thoughts or wise words?

OP posts:
FeelingWorseThanShitty · 22/03/2019 01:34

Call them

FeelingWorseThanShitty · 22/03/2019 01:35

They will come and remove him from the house. Then you can find a lawyer to make an emergency court order to have him not come back in order to safeguard you and your children.

Take it from me... if you don’t do this tonight no one will believe you tomorrow

I’m no expert on exactly how it works though. Women’s Aid are the people to call (after the police)

FeelingWorseThanShitty · 22/03/2019 01:37

Where are your DCs? Are they also in danger of being hit?

You need to call 999

You have your phone with you presumably?? I think you can text 999

SuchAToDo · 22/03/2019 01:37

Go in the bathroom and call them, if you don't want him to hear you then run a tap or the shower while you whisper your address to them (tell them for safety reasons you can't talk much/loudly)

SuchAToDo · 22/03/2019 01:37

*by call them, I mean call the police

cafenoirbiscuit · 22/03/2019 01:39

Call them. Do it now. Next time he may really hurt you.

PurpleGlitter1983 · 22/03/2019 01:40

Yes call them now, they will remove him, you will need to stick to it this time and refuse to allow him back, for your children.

SuchAToDo · 22/03/2019 01:41

Op, you don't even have to talk (if it's not safe to ) when you call 999...when they answer just press 55 and they will know you need them but can't talk

What will happen if I call the police? I don’t know what to do?
SuchAToDo · 22/03/2019 01:43

Don't wait until.morning op, if he has hit you then you aren't safe

What will happen if I call the police? I don’t know what to do?
Graphista · 22/03/2019 01:55

The "55" thing isn't any good if you're calling from a mobile they have no way to track your address.

You could register for the text service but I don't know how long that takes.

I think really you just need to somehow get to a place where you can call 999 give your info as quickly as possible

So you ask operator for police (it's bt operators that answer in the first instance)

They'll transfer you to police I'm trying to think quickest way maybe

"Help Domestic violence attack, 45 smith st nw15 5ts" house no, street name and postcode is enough info to find you and us the information you want to get across first & clearly. If you're able to stay on longer they may ask you to.

Regarding his permanent removal from the home I've read good stuff on here & elsewhere about these people

https://www.ncdv.org.uk

But it will depend on the legalities of ownership etc

Please get safe ASAP Thanks

Redskyandrainbows67 · 22/03/2019 02:08

I think you need to call the police if the kids saw it happen. You need to show them you are trying to stop it. You need to go to them and reassure them after you’ve made the call.
What triggered the argument? Not that it really matters

dontgobaconmyheart · 22/03/2019 02:32

Please do call the police as soon as is safe for you and your DC OP, you cannot control his abuse, tonight is further evidence of that and his loss of control, and that makes him dangerous, especially with your children in the house.

Photograph any injuries and write down on your phone (if he does not have access) what happened, or write it down here on this thread so you can refer back for the police. If it's not safe to call in case he hears, can you text someone who will call for you? I would do this in a heartbeat if a friend text with this info.

Where are your children now? If you feel you have to wait until the morning I would want to be near them, stay in with them until morning, reassure them that you will make the house safe and have the police attend as soon as you can, and to show them his abuse is not normal behaviour or ok. Do you have someone IRL nearby who can help? A backup plan or accommodations for you and the DC if you need to leave?

It's hard but hopefully doable OP, you might be shaking but you are clearly strong. This will not be your forever, or your children's Flowers

MumsyJ · 22/03/2019 03:36

Oh OP I hope you're keeping safe. Did you ring the police in the end? You really don't have to think twice about this as it's a no brainer.

What your children are experiencing isn't healthy at all. And like a PP said earlier, you need to show your children you're trying to put an end to this. Please make that call Flowers

Original poster
GremlinDolphin1 · 22/03/2019 03:50

Well I did it and am still shaking. I can’t believe it. The police were amazing. Awful awful. Thank you all for your replies. Onward. Xxx

OP posts:
catzrulz · 22/03/2019 04:16

Well done you. Please do as PP said and get an order for him to stay away.
Not only for your sake but for your DD's. They need you to be strong just now.

CarolDanvers · 22/03/2019 04:23

It was the right thing to do. He would have escalated. A man that hits a woman across the face and gets away with it especially in the heightened situation of divorce will go further next time because he is able to justify it to himself.

Graphista · 22/03/2019 04:33

Glad you're safe

CanuckBC · 22/03/2019 05:21

Awesome job on calling the police. They should help you stay safe.

Make sure you follow through on any. Reaches of his conditions. Follow through on keeping him away.

CanuckBC · 22/03/2019 05:21

On any breaches! Ie contacting you when he shouldn’t, coming to the house etc. Call the police each time!

PBobs · 22/03/2019 05:31

Well done. You're amazing. Just think what a fantastic model you are setting for your kids by showing them what is and isn't acceptable. Hold onto that thought when you feel sad or despondent. You are so brave.

Ohyesiam · 22/03/2019 05:32

Opyoure a woman and a half, you r protected yourself and your children.
Keep strong. Contact womens aid and stay on here for support.
You CAN do this

Wallywobbles · 22/03/2019 05:53

Brilliant job. Well done.

Weenurse · 22/03/2019 05:56

Well done. Glad you are safe

FeelingWorseThanShitty · 22/03/2019 06:48

Wow... you’re so brave. Well done

Whereareyouspot · 22/03/2019 06:53

Well done OP
Neither you nor your children should have to suffer that
Please do your best to leave him for good