Need a handhold I’m in shock

[BlueRoses12]

Earlier this evening I came across a conversation my H was having with a ex coworker. He left his Facebook messenger chat page open on his iPad, I wasn’t snooping as we now share his iPad after mine gave up the ghost but I very rarely use it as it’s old and quite slow.

There wasn’t much chat to go on but the jist was she had recently left DHs place of work, she missed him dearly, was his soulmate and she was attracted to him and they had arranged to go out for drinks next weekend. I had never heard of her up until that point and was absolutely gob smacked as me and H have been getting on really well and I have absolutely no reason to think otherwise it really was a bolt out of the blue.

I phoned a very close friend as I was in absolute shock and panic on what to do and he was due home in about a hour after I found out. She came over immediately and was very much in the confront him calmly and kick his ass out immediately camp. I was very much all for staying silent and gathering more evidence as that’s the type of person I am but she said it was impossible as I was in such a state at the time, that there was no way I could act normal and not make him suspicious.

She took the children back to hers and my H came home. Calmly went out the window as soon as he came through the door I lost my shit. I took his phone and saw a few messages to and from her before he wrested it off me, the last text from him said “on my way home now will text when I can”.

He said the usual crap that they were just “really good friends” they had been working on a project together and had become really close and had loads of things in common. He said he never mentioned her as thought I may get jealous and get the wrong impression but they are “just good friends”

He said it’s all my head and I’m crazy there is nothing going on at that point I became hysterical shouting at him again. He took his car keys and phone and left he’s not even got his wallet on him.

The kids are back home and are now in bed, I’m shaking at in shock on what the hell hs just happened. I’ve not touched alcohol in over a year but I’m having a brandy as I don’t know what to do.

Even if it was all one sided or it was a misunderstanding he wouldn’t have flounced off calling OP crazy, would he! If my husband was all upset and there were suspicious messages on my phone I’d be moving heaven and earth to prove it was a mistake, not flouncing off.

No still no word from him.

I went out the back when I went out to collect the kids from school. I packed up enough clothes for a few days and put his wallet in there and put it in the garage and messaged him to tell him it was there and to come get it. Can read him like a book as less than 2 minutes away from the house I saw him pass me in his car.
At least I’m not constantly on edge now wondering if he will walk through the door any minute.

I did a little snooping today his iPad history showed he has been viewing her pictures on Facebook virtually every day for the last few weeks. Not a couple of photos but tonnes the history each day was never ending.

I noticed either the OW has blocked me and Hs Facebook account or she’s deactivated her account. He’s not changed his password so I can still get in on the iPad.

I’m actually full of rage now as he must of been in contact with her. He’s not contacted me or the kids for that matter. He’s a absolute coward.

What an asshole. I would create another facebook account in a different name to see if she has blocked u. I hope u also contacted her husband. Why the hell should she live in happy bliss when they have both blown your world and your children's world apart. He needs to know. Your husband has clearly been having an affair and he got caught. Hes hiding away now, it speaks volumes of the kind of man he is that leaves the way he did and not contact you or his children. It's almost like he placing you as the 1 that was in the wrong. Tell her husband. She doesn't deserve ur silence in not telling him.
❤💐 to you beautiful lady. Be strong x

He's been rumbled. Expect the full Script now. Save/screenshot everything. She's blocked you. Sorry, but I'd tell her h. He has a right to know, IMO. Probably been feeding him the Script, too. 'It's nothing. We're just friends' 'She's overreacting, a lunatic, crazy, jealous, abusive' blah blah blah. All lies. They're liars trying to do damage control. Prepare yourself, it will be all your fault, you were crazy, controlling, abusive, withheld sex, checked out of the marriage for the kids, blah blah blah. These people are never original, just garden variety cheats who'd have kept cheating had they not been caught.

I'd tell her husband and forward all the screenshots of messages why should she get off when she's torn your marriage apart (along with your dh obviously) your dh deserves to know.

*her dh deserves to know

OP, my husband’s OW didnthe same. I never intended to contact her or her boyfriend but he obviously contacted her as soon as I kicked him out and she blocked me on fb. Don’t flatter yourself love 🙄

Sounds like he intended for/wanted something to happen if it hadn’t already. I hope you’re ok.

His silence speaks volumes in my opinion
You really need to tell her husband
Of course he's told her!!!!
Pair of arseholes
Hope you're ok op 💐

He's lying OP
Trust your instincts and the evidence you have and tell her DH

He's a fucking scumbag. Of course he's told her. They're both cowards.
Can't wait for her husband to kick her out!

Tell her husband and send him your screenshots.

Why is it that men always tell a woman she's 'crazy' when they get caught out?

Wow, that is what he thinks of you OP. You have caught him out so he chooses to run away and hide. No attempt at apology or explanation. Don't make any contact with him now. He has the stuff he needs for now. If he is at least some sort of a decent father, he will have to make contact at least to arrange to see the children.
Please think about seeing a solicitor ASAP. I know you may not want to think of things like this so soon but you need to find out your rights so you are well informed.

Pull the band aid off and send the message to her DH

I'd tell her husband. People will tell you not to but whether you do it for this reason or not, he does deserve to know what kind of woman he's married to.

I'm sorry OP. Stay strong, do not let him spin this on you!

Well, he has certainly shown what he is made of. Coward indeed. Your anger will serve you well and will help you move ahead.

He does seem to be obsessed with his ^“
good friend.”^ 🙄 This affair is all about his weak boundaries and sense of entitlement to betray you for an illicit ego boost.

Do you still have a way to message her DH with the screenshots? I recall a thread where the OW had gone into her husband’s FB and blocked the OP so she couldn’t message him.

good friend 🙄

Any news yet op ??

Still no word from him.

I did what a poster suggested and created a new Facebook profile. The OW is still on there so she had clearly blocked myself and H. He’s clearly had contact with her, no doubt about that.

With that in mind I have messaged her husband and sent over the screen shots I had. I’ve broken it as gently as I could. You are all right if the boot was on the other foot I would want to know as well.

His reaction says it all OP. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't be hiding.

And well done for telling the husband. It's painful but she's the one that's hurt him, not you.

Well done for telling the husband. I'd want to know.

You did the right thing telling the H OP. If the shoe was on the other foot I don't think there are many people out there who wouldn't want to know.

If it goes into "other messages" on fb obv he may not find it for a while (if ever. Some people struggle) and there is the possibility she may intercept. But you've still done your bit and done the right thing

what a wanker, stay strong BlueRoses12

I think you did the right thing by telling her husband.