How would you react if...

[driftingcloud]

My husband told me he wished "I was on another planet....no, he wished I was dead". He said this last night, in front of our 4 year old.

I haven't spoken to him since. I occasionally feel negative thoughts towards him, but I would never say anything like that. I think it says more about him that me but it is incredibly hurtful. I don't think I have the strength to address it with him as I may just end up crying. His lack of affection is so damaging to my self esteem. Luckily I have a job that Is rewarding and full of good people so I'm looking forward to Monday and being back at work.

I've asked him to see a GP but he refuses and I've also suggested counselling. He just gets angry at me and calls me autistic and spoilt. I am neither!

I think it's time to step back and look at the bigger picture. This isn't about one shitty remark, it's about your whole relationship which doesn't seem to be going well and he doesn't seem interested in repairing it.

Is it time to move on?

He hasn't said anything to me since last night. I can't bring myself to talk to him. I really need him to take the first step and to apologise.

I'd think it was time to divorce.

If my husband told me he wished I was DEAD???

I would divorce him. Not sure how you can come back from such a remark. You can think all sorts of horrible things but voicing those thoughts is a choice.

wished you were dead
said in front of a child
using autistic as an insult

Neither GP nor counceling can give him manners or character ...

How awful, I'm sorry. Very hurtful.

It would be awful if your child grew up thinking this behaviour was not abnormal. I think you have a compelling case to leave him OP.

Thanks to anyone has replied. Will update. It's nice to be able to share. I doubt he will apologise... but I will wait and see. I wonder if a low dose of anti depressants will help him.

Anti depressants don't turn dickheads into nice people. It isn't depression that makes people like that, I should know I've been suffering for over a decade, it is their true personality coming through from under the layers of artifice constructed for social niceties. If he won't get help, leave him. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't even like you, let alone love and respect you

Who gives a shit what helps him? Stop being so co-dependent. Look at your own life. He said he wanted you dead. Have some self respect. Show your DC what it means to have self respect.

You cannot stay with him.

@AtrociousCircumstance if only it were that simple. Everything is so tied up. I can't just up and leave. Also, I suppose I feel that I shouldn't have to. He's the one with the issue so why do I have to cause upheaval in my life. I like my home, my jobs etc and an positive about these things. He is the one always moaning and dissatisfied with his life. I feel like if I were to leave etc he would turn it around say it was me upsetting everything to my daughter.

I hear you OP. I’m just saying you can’t continue with this relationship - the details of who goes where and the practicalities are another matter.

Good luck.

You can't continue if the other person wants you dead. Hear those words, carefully. If he's expressed it then he's been thinking about it. You have so little respect for yourself that you would get into bed with a man who says he wants you dead?

This is a huge red flag. A massive one. People usually think it, say it, do it and it would be naive to think only "crazy" people do that. Everyone is capable somewhere in their head. Honestly, I think for your safety and mental health you need to extricate yourself as soon as you can. It's not a nice process but a worthy one to get yourself away from such a nasty person.

I would do everything in my power to remove myself and my child from this abuser. Being exposed to such despicable behavior is damaging to your daughter. To hear her father tell her mother that he wished her dead is horrifying. This is her model for relationships. He is a brute and doesn’t care. No antidepressant will cure that.

He wants you DEAD so you are waiting for an apology , and for him to see the doctor ? Sorry but I'd be out the door. I know you say your situation is "tied up" - I assume that you mean it is financially complicated. Many of us have been in similar situations and still got divorced. I wouldn't stay one more day with anyone who wanted me dead.

I think I need to ask him to leave. Maybe he could rent somewhere.

Ask him to leave and let him worry where he stays. He is a grown man. You worry about you. You and your daughter are what matter now.

I stood in the kitchen waiting for him to say something, anything. He ignored me. Am I doing tk right thing. I just don't feel I should be the first to speak. If I just ignore the comment as if it never happened that isn't fair and I am not brave enough to ask why he wished me dead.

Sounds like there is nothing to be salvaged here op. This man hates you enough to wish you dead. One of you needs to leave, preferably him.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus nailed it

I don't think modern medicine has cracked medication that turns obnoxious cunts into decent human beings so sending him to the GP is pretty pointless

Where is your backbone OP? Your nobody’s door mat!

@adayatthebeach I get that but I'm biding my time. Am going to photocopy documentation of his assets, bank statements etc
Going to start saving like crazy.
To be honest, it's nice not having him talking to me. I think he will get a shock when I tell him he won't be coming on holiday with us.

Tell him to leave. Forever.

Good for you OP.

Take the time to get your ducks in a row (assuming the situation is safe for you) and then leave him.

I'm no expert in lurve, but i THINK wishing someone dead isnt part of it.

Just had a WhatsApp (the only contact since his unkind words). Hope you are OK and had a good day. Seriously.... does he think we can just forget all about it.