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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A space in refuge for me, but too sacared to leave

160 replies

nowheretorunorhide · 14/03/2019 09:34

I need a bit of encouragement. A space in a refuge has come up, but I feel so guilty and scared leaving. I know he can't change and this will only get worse, but I love him and feel so scared to be alone.

OP posts:
Mishappening · 15/03/2019 20:16

He has not "ruined" you. The you who has the courage to see this through is still there. Stay strong. Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 15/03/2019 20:20

I know i will be happy in the long wring and I just have to endure this part and learn to heal.

And that's half the battle won right there! You know you can do this!

Sounds as if you've made very, very good plans with lots of support. I'm sure things will go according to Hoyle. Good luck!

DewDropsonKittens · 15/03/2019 20:23

Sending you vibes of love

WitchDancer · 15/03/2019 20:33

Thinking of you and hoping all is going to plan 🤝

Original poster
nowheretorunorhide · 15/03/2019 20:45

I'm here in the refuge and safe. Thanks all for helping me through this. X

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 15/03/2019 20:48

So glad you're OK. Well done! Star

sackrifice · 15/03/2019 20:49

Superb.

Well done and so relieved you are out

SevenStones · 15/03/2019 20:50

Brilliant news!

Remember - tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life! Flowers

ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow · 15/03/2019 20:56

I've just surprised myself with a weird threat squeal sound I made when I read that you've done it!

The HARDEST bit is over. You did it. So so so brave. What you've done takes some people, also very brave, decades and lifetimes to try to do.

Just about to go to bed and was feeling anxious about a few things in my own life but now I feel really positive since reading your news - see you're even making strangers proud!

WELL DONE YOU ThanksThanksThanks

Ylvamoon · 15/03/2019 20:59

Flowers great news!

BonBonVoyage · 15/03/2019 21:00

OP well done on your bravery

Tattybear16 · 15/03/2019 21:03

So glad to hear you’re safe. Tomorrow will be the best day ever.

TeenTimesTwo · 15/03/2019 21:06

Flowers Stay strong.

Hidingtonothing · 15/03/2019 21:18

Logged on to see if you'd posted OP, couldn't be happier you're out and safe Smile Hope you have a peaceful night tonight but there will be someone around (probably me Grin) later if you're awake and need a friendly ear. So glad you made it, you should be really proud of yourself.

Livpool · 15/03/2019 21:24

Well done OP - so relieved that you are safe xx

Dragongirl10 · 15/03/2019 21:31

Congratulations op good luck in your new life!

LaPufalina · 15/03/2019 21:35

Well done lovely! I've got something in my eye!

Original poster
nowheretorunorhide · 15/03/2019 21:37

If it wasn't for mumsnet I'm not sure I would have got out tbh or it would have taken me much longer. He's texting me telling me he loves me and he wants to talk next week once he's sorted his head out. I'm just staying away and will just go over details that I have to like sorting out getting my furniture with my BIL, getting my cat and returning keys. For now I just need some time to sort myself out. I'm hoping he'll let me do that so I don't have to threaten harassment.

OP posts:
Moonflower12 · 15/03/2019 21:37

Well done! So hard- been there myself. Sleep well tonight. You are safe. Stay strong. Thanks

BeenThereDone · 15/03/2019 21:43

Hope you are safe and managed to get away... However hard you are finding it just know you are doing the best thing for you and your dc..... First night is the hardest. Don't question yourself Flowers

Chocolate35 · 15/03/2019 21:47

I read this thread really hoping you’d done it and I’m so pleased you have! Leaving an abusive relationship is up there with one of the best things I’ve done for myself. Well done OP, wish you strength and peace.

bullyingadvice2017 · 15/03/2019 21:48

Don't be sucked into replying to his manipulation tactics. The txting is stage one of that. Start as you mean to go on. Take no shit and feel no obligation to answer him.
Block him if you can!

mineofuselessinformation · 15/03/2019 21:53

Please block him on your phone.
Those messages are not helping. You know you've done the right thing and you don't need him dragging you down with messages that are designed to make you feel guilty.

babyno5 · 15/03/2019 22:35

This is a new beginning for you OP. Everything will be ok. I had a violent ex husband and my life now is unrecognisable from what it was then. It takes time and every day you're a little bit stronger.
You've done the hardest bit and we're all so proud of you xxx

Hidingtonothing · 15/03/2019 22:48

OP you've taken a massive step towards a life where you put yourself first, where you matter but it's really important now that you follow that up by focusing on making good choices for yourself. What reaction to his messages is going to give you the best outcome? That's all you need to focus on, not how he might be feeling, not how you can keep him placated, not how to keep anyone else happy, just what's best for you. And then do that.

This bit is the hardest, please don't let him make it any harder for you, protect yourself Flowers

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