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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A space in refuge for me, but too sacared to leave

160 replies

nowheretorunorhide · 14/03/2019 09:34

I need a bit of encouragement. A space in a refuge has come up, but I feel so guilty and scared leaving. I know he can't change and this will only get worse, but I love him and feel so scared to be alone.

OP posts:
Reaa · 15/03/2019 14:28

Go and live the happy, free, live you deserve, I wish you all the best for the new happy future you have ahead of you.

May you drink, eat and watch whatever you heart desires.

KinderMalo · 15/03/2019 14:32

I hope you go to refuge. Life gets better after you take the leap.
I also felt condition2d to feel his self pity. My own emotions were buried. This is so typical.
U get one life. Please leave.

KinderMalo · 15/03/2019 14:34

Ps, in the run up to leaving my x, i thought that "people like me" didnt have the streng5h/luck to turn things around and make a good life. But i left first and got strong later. My life is very good now. Things change. I feel lucky now. I could still be there. I almost wasnt brave enough. Take a deep breath and run for your life.

TeenTimesTwo · 15/03/2019 14:36

You can do it. Best wishes. Flowers

BWcastle2000 · 15/03/2019 14:43

**nowheretorunorhide Please let us know once you are out and safe.

ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow · 15/03/2019 14:43

Well I for one feel excited for you. The more you post and the more you listen to people have been in your situation you sound stronger and ready to do this.

I'm willing you to go for it. The shit bit afterwards is inevitable but it always will be so you're getting it out of the way because it needs to be done. And it will be done. By you!!

I've said before on here but I left an incredibly toxic relationship after years of self loathing, attempts to make it work by losing sight of who I actually am etc etc

About a week after crying my EYES out, I woke up one morning and honestly burst out laughing I was that happy. I had a bed, my own self respect, never before seen feeling of empowerment. I was FREEEEE! Grabbed my favourite book, lit a lovely candle and chilled the fuck out. It. Was. HEAVEN.

I'll never forget that laughing fit and it helps me with tough decisions now years and years later. I try to do one thing that makes me burst out laughing with elation every week!

You know I mentioned the feeling of joy you get as a book lover when reading a book you love and finding out there's going to be a sequel?

That's what this thread is like for me - I can't wait to hear you being proud of yourself in the next chapter! Thanks

Nameusernameuser · 15/03/2019 14:47

Good luck OP, I hope everything works out for you. It must be the hardest thing in the world right now but all the amazing women on this thread that have been through what you're doing now are right, you'll be able to breathe fresh air soon!

KinderMalo · 15/03/2019 15:39

Im excited for you too! You're going to get to have a l8fe of yr own now.

I no l9nger have any idea what my x's feel8ngs are, never miiind feeling them in place of my own feelings. You'll get there.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/03/2019 15:59

@nowheretorunorhide how are you feeling? What time are you going?

Deb13b · 15/03/2019 16:06

Hope everything goes ok, stay strong x

User67836 · 15/03/2019 16:20

I just wanted to wish you luck, I hope it goes as well as possible and you are safe. Stay strong, you can do it!

nowheretorunorhide · 15/03/2019 17:27

He's leaving at half six so I'm hoping to be out within an hour really. I'm full of anxiety and feel awful tbh. I have two friends coming to loads cars and take to my parents for a later date and my ex husband as the muscles and some protection of it kicks off

OP posts:
ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow · 15/03/2019 17:43

So Proud!! Trust me you have an army of MNetters behind you in spirit. And we fucking look after our own - we will be here to help calm you down when the adrenaline is rushing later and to help you through the bumpy road coming ahead so you can come out of the other side and get yourself HAPPY!

You got this. We got your back. Go team!

Backseatonthebus · 15/03/2019 17:44

We are all with you. You have already done the hardest part - making the decision to go. Yes there are going to be tough times, but there is a whole new lovely life waiting out there for you.

All of us who have escaped wish we had done it sooner, I promise you that.

Ratbagratty · 15/03/2019 17:49

Wishing you all the best, you can do this!

BarryTheKestrel · 15/03/2019 17:52

Proud of you OP. You are now in the final countdown to the first day of the rest of your life. It sounds like you have really good support around you. Stay strong. You can do this!

RockyFlintstone · 15/03/2019 17:52

Wow, well done, everyone is behind you! Xxx

CrazyDuchess · 15/03/2019 17:52

Flowers xx

Livpool · 15/03/2019 17:56

Wishing you lots of luck xx

SevenStones · 15/03/2019 19:22

Hope it's all going well, OP. It's nearly half seven so should almost be over. xx Flowers

Dragongirl10 · 15/03/2019 19:24

Another one waving you on to a better future Op....good luck

NWQM · 15/03/2019 19:29

Wishing you luck...and we are here for you when you want / need to rant. Pleased to see that you seem to have a decent amount of real life support too. You've got this.

Beach11 · 15/03/2019 19:39

Good luck. Well done for seeking help x

CanuckBC · 15/03/2019 20:05

I hope you are done now! Please check in sometime and let us know how it went:).

First step to reclaiming you!

ErrmWTAF · 15/03/2019 20:13

Best of luck, OP!

I'm chuckling a bit here, because I'm currently living in a refuge, and I wonder if you're going to be my next housemate! Grin

PM me if you like.

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