A space in refuge for me, but too sacared to leave

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I need a bit of encouragement. A space in a refuge has come up, but I feel so guilty and scared leaving. I know he can't change and this will only get worse, but I love him and feel so scared to be alone.

You are though. You’ve got this. Even if you don’t know it yet.

Hi Op, handhold from here, you CAN do this, and it WILL get better, please hold that thought and re read the link at the beginning of the thread to reassure yourself about going into a refuge.

As you lay in bed tonight not sleeping, visualise all the small things you will be able to enjoy without him......keep adding to them, make a list and keep looking at it and imagining how happy you will feel.

Good luck op, it’s worth it! Been there, so much happier now.

Awesome job on doing this. It is one of the hardest times in an abusive relationship. You are doing all the right things in preparing. I wish you the best of luck in moving forward.

You will soon be free to be yourself again. It will be a great feeling.

So what if he is angry? He won't know where you are and he has brought this on himself.

You WILL do this, and your life will get better.

Good luck, you can do this. The rest of your life is waiting for you

When you get somewhere more permanent live, ask your local council if they have a sanctuary scheme running in your area, they come & do things like putting extra locks on doors & windows, put outside lights up, fit alarms on Windows that go off if anyone tries to smash the window, just things to make you feel safe & secure.

Thank you all. These messages are really helping me this morning. I feel so scared to leave later and I know I'm going to miss him. My heart is breaking having to leave the man I love, but his actions show he doesn't love me and he will never change. He's got such a hold on me, but I know it will get easier with time. I have BPD so I struggle with intense emotions anyway, so this is really hurting me right now.

Hang on in there OP. You can do this. Sever all contact and never look back. You know that this is an abusive relationship and that you have been brainwashed.

Keep your nerve and know that you are making the best decision of your life.

He isn't worthy of your love if he treats you like that.

You are being very brave and the refuge will have some amazing support for you to move on with your life.

Keep posting if it's helping.

Sounds like you've thought of everything and have a very solid plan in place. That will make the next steps so much easier.

Now, you just have to get through the day and trust in yourself. You're nearly there.

It'll be very hard at first, but you will feel so much better when you're free.

Handhold

Just another hand hold OP, you can do this. Don't let the doubt creep in today, remember all the reasons you put this in motion and that nothing will change if you stay, be strong

You can do this! There's another hand here for you 🤝

Fellow BPD and huge hand hold here too - you will feel so proud of yourself one day for being so brave I promise.

Personally getting out of unhealthy relationships has helped me manage my BPD infinitely better - I feel sure this must be the case for many other people too - another reason to believe in the decision you're making.

You can do this we are all rooting for you

You can do this, you really can. My best friend has been in an abusive relationship for 15 years and I've watched her change from a happy, confident person to someone who lives in fear - not even living, just existing from one day to the next. She is too scared to leave and her life just gets worse and worse. I know how hard this must be for you but please, please go. Whatever happens next, it's got to be better than your life now, right? You have people ready to help you because you deserve to be happy again and you are not to blame no matter how much he tells you otherwise. Good luck xx

Of course it’s scary and, yes, you’ll miss him- but deep breaths and take the first step!

Wishing you lots of luck, you are being incredibly brave and this huge step is going to change everything for the better! X

I'm trying not to cry reading these messages. I know i will be happy in the long wring and I just have to endure this part and learn to heal. I know he makes my bpd much worse and he will destroy me the longer I stay.

Another one offering a handhold. Please know that we're all behind you.

Very best wishes OP. xxx

You're right, you know you are and that's what will get you through those moments when you want to run back to what feels familiar and 'normal' to you. A new 'normal' will evolve, much quicker than you think, it's a matter of sticking it out while it all feels new and strange because once you're through that bit you'll realise how bad things really were and how much better they're going to be without him. We'll be here for the hard bit, you don't have to do it alone

You are incredibly brave doing this - good luck x

Wishing you all the very best OP. Whatever happens you can handle it. You deserve to have a happy and peaceful life.

Sending kind thoughts and offering another hand for you to hold

Loads of people virtually holding your hand - hope you get out safe.