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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is this behaviour? Was I in the wrong?

105 replies

MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:24

Little backstory - Me and DP been together for 6 years, living together for 5. Both female, no children. No history of anything violent.

I am starting to see a pattern in my partners behaviour that I am not quite comfortable. Before I go into that, I will start with what happened last night.

Tuesday evening DP brought home a pack of 5 creme eggs for us, lovely. I didn't eat any, I have to be in the mood for chocolate.

Wednesday evening I came home and was really looking forward to one, I felt lethargic and had a stressful day at work. I asked her where they were and she did a purposely cheeky shifty face as if to say she had eaten them all. I asked if she was serious and she said "Yes, but I didnt eat them all yesterday, I took some to work today".

I said thats mean and that I was looking forward to them, not to mention there were 5!!!!

I left to go to the shop and she said jokingly "I will have a wispa please, and a twix, all the chocolate please".

I came back with a selection of chocolate and said to her in a half joking way "you can piss off if you think you're having any" and half laughed. She then grabbed 2 wispas and I said "no way! Come on now, you ate all those creme eggs and if you ..." before I ended the sentence she said "ALRIGHT MOREWATERPLIX" in a really stern voice and then ignored me.

She was making dinner at the time and when it was cooked she placed it in front of me and said sarcastically "there you go light of my life", put her phone on with netflix and didn't speak to me.

After food, to avoid the arguments going on and on I gave her choclate (which is what I had planned anyway) and she said she didn't want it.

She didnt come to bed until late, didnt speak to me this morning and left without saying goodbye.

Before the chocolate incident I was trying to tell her a story about my day and its hard to explain but this is a version fo how it went:

Me: I don't really want to show this blood form to my boss when I ask for time off because it tells you what its for

DP: Don't want to what?

Me: Repeats sentence

DP: Dont want to show what form

This goes on, she is mucking around like she usually does and I say "dont start now, im not in the mood" .

She winds me up, she will pretend she hasn't heard things or repeat what I have said. She can be really childish. It is very rare that I am able to have a grown up conversation with her. I really haven't explained myself well here have I?

I personally dont think I have done anything wrong, yes I teased her about the chocolate but she was a greedy fucker and ate all 5 in 24 hours. She never keeps me anything, I will buy 2 custard slices as a treat and if I dont eat mine within 24 hours she will eat it.

I just felt like I needed to put this down somewhere I guess. I will happily accept that I was int he wring but feel I need more opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:26

btw we are both 30, believe it or not

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 14/03/2019 09:27

Are you both still teenagers?

ShatnersWig · 14/03/2019 09:28

Cross post.

In which case Christ alive.

I have no advice to give because I can't get my head around two grown adults behaving like this.

LividLaughLove · 14/03/2019 09:29

I know none of those issues are massive in themselves, but I absolutely couldn’t be with someone like that.

Moralitym1n1 · 14/03/2019 09:30

She sounds like a greedy toddler, and a bit weird.

ButtMuncher · 14/03/2019 09:30

This is bonkers Grin 5 Creme eggs in 24 hours is fine, FYI. If you'd expressed you didn't want any, then I'm not surprised she ate them or took them to work.

You both sound like children, tbh.

Moralitym1n1 · 14/03/2019 09:30

Is she sensitive about a weight issue?

babysharkah · 14/03/2019 09:31

You sound like teenagers, immature ones at that. The name for the behavious is childishness.

OddCat · 14/03/2019 09:31

we are both 30, believe it or not

Sounds like you should both start acting your age then Smile

Have an adult conversation with her and tell her how you feel.

babysharkah · 14/03/2019 09:32

And also why would anyone need to show a blood form (by which I assume you mean a form for a blood test?) to ask for time off?

Musti · 14/03/2019 09:32

Are you my kids? So she can't contain herself around chocolate like many people can't. Anyway aside from that you sound like young sisters.

LIZS · 14/03/2019 09:34

There is an irony in you calling her childish. Surely you just tell your boss you have an appointment or show a card/text?

Hazlenutpie · 14/03/2019 09:34

I think you are not suited. Falling out over stupid stuff like that is ridiculous.

QueenEhlana · 14/03/2019 09:34

She has no self control, does she?! This is what it's all about. Most people would gauge whether it is an appropriate time to make a joke out of something or not, even if there was a brilliant opening for a one liner or something. If not appropriate, they don't make the joke, if they think their partner might be offended, they don't make the joke.

Same with treats. She sees it, she wants it, she eats it. You're actually not included in her thought process at all. She's likely not doing it deliberately to annoy you, but neither are you taken into consideration when she does it, or if you are, it's not sufficient for her to change her behaviour and NOT eat whatever it is.

This can't be the only instances of this behaviour. She's either very immature (and at 30 not likely to ever GET mature), or she has serious self control issues. There are some conditions that this can happen in, they can be a result of a difficult childhood, or, she could simply be a selfish git who doesn't give a toss about anything or anyone else. You know her best, which do you think it is?

Original poster
MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:38

She admits that she has no self control.

I agree, it does sound very very childish, not disputing that at all.

R.E. blood form, I have to show my manager evidence when I have appts like that. Weird I know, but I don't make the rules.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:38

Have an adult conversation with her and tell her how you feel

Whenever I try to discuss a problem she accuses me of blaming everything on her and it just escalates.

I think I need to leave but Its difficult right now.

OP posts:
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 14/03/2019 09:40

The chocolate? Pfft. She bought some, offered it to you, you didn't fancy it. So what if she ate five creme eggs in 24 hours? She's an adult, she can decide for herself how much chocolate she eats.

But this:

It is very rare that I am able to have a grown up conversation with her

Is your problem.

TheShiteRunner · 14/03/2019 09:42

I think you were mean, sarky and passive aggressive to her. I think her reaction was OTT. It sounds like the dynamics of your relationship are way off kilter.

Original poster
MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:42

I wasn't angry that she ate them though, my issue is that she is angry with me because I made an issue out of her not leaving me one.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 14/03/2019 09:42

Where in your contract does it state that you have to show personal medical information to your boss?
(Misses point of thread...!)

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 14/03/2019 09:45

I think I need to leave but Its difficult right now

OK, if I had a magic wand and could give you one wish, would it be :

  1. that your partner changes her personality to become more mature, sensitive and have more self control around treats
  2. that we could fast forward to six months in the future when you guys are amicably broken up, all practical issues of housing, finance, etc sorted out and both of you are free to pursue your lives separately?
BollocksToBrexit · 14/03/2019 09:49

Why would she save you one when you'd already said you didn't fancy one? Confused

Sorry but that you makes you sound like hard work. Like you expect her to be a mind reader. If you'd said 'no thanks, but save me one for later' then you'd have a point.

Original poster
MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:50

@FineWordsForAPorcupine I would choose number 1 but also express that I don't want her to change her personality, just know when to draw the line with "banter". I have a very stressful job and when I get home I just want to kick back you know?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreWaterPlix · 14/03/2019 09:50

Why would she save you one when you'd already said you didn't fancy one

So if I say I dont fancy one of 5 chocolate eggs that evening, that gives the green light for her to scoff them all lol

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/03/2019 09:50

I wasn't angry that she ate them though, my issue is that she is angry with me because I made an issue out of her not leaving me one.

That makes it worse, not better.

You don't mind that you didn't get one, but you went out of your way to antagonise her about not leaving you one... And then wonder why she's angry.

To be honest, this sounds like it's too difficult to continue. It is exceedingly unlikely that both of you will grow out of this type of childish behaviour quickly and at the same time.