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Original poster

Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

943 replies

awesmum · 12/03/2019 19:00

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

OP posts:
MrHaroldFry · 29/06/2019 08:56

So delighted for you and DD OP. I wish you a wonderful summer and hope you get some well deserved R&R.

BeUpStanding · 29/06/2019 09:08

That is wonderful news! I've followed your thread since the beginning and am so pleased with your latest update. Big step forward Smile.

Barmaid101 · 29/06/2019 09:31

That is an amazing update! I’m so glad that saw through his bull!
Onwards and upwards!

fuckwitseverywhere · 29/06/2019 09:50

I've just read both your threads. Wow! You are so strong and determined. The way you have conducted yourself is a credit to you and your DC.
I hope things settle down now and that the brain weasels fuck off.
FWIW it was a long time before I stopped looking for my exh whilst driving. He had a white van and every time I saw that model I had to check if it was him. Eventually it stopped but fortunately I didn't have DC with him.
Good luck! I know the war isn't over but you've won this battle

Wallywobbles · 29/06/2019 09:55

Brilliant outcome. Just don't forget to keep recording everything. I ended up in court 5 times with exh. He lost every time but kept going back for me. In the end however he lost parental responsibility. And we are finally at peace.

pointythings · 29/06/2019 10:07

That's a fabulous outcome, so happy for you!

lololove · 29/06/2019 10:27

I am so happy for you, your daughter and your other children that (hopefully) you can a now all be a family enjoying time together without his poisonous influence at every touch and turn.

I really hope now it's official and that the judges have seen through him too that he starts to realise that he can't continue the way he has and improves for his daughters sake... But we all know that won't happen and its gutting for her 😞

Enjoy your weekend! Lot of love, laughter and fun!

(part of me would love to be a fly on his wall....)

HazelBite · 29/06/2019 10:30

So pleased to read your news!

PonderingPanda · 29/06/2019 11:23

What happens if he tries to take her from nursery? Can they refuse as it's not his contact time?

Also what was said about him not sending her and giving her to a stranger to.be looked after?

Oomph · 29/06/2019 13:38

I am so pleased for you and your daughter, and feel reassured that the court saw through him. Well done! Have a well earned relaxing weekend.

Weejo39 · 29/06/2019 16:23

Well done OP, an excellent outcome for all. You'll be exhausted now from all this worry. Any further issues, document and report back to the court. Hopefully he'll resign to his access and give you all peace. 🥂

NettleTea · 29/06/2019 17:24

also just to say, if he DOES cancel one of his days or not show by a certain time, go out so you arent waiting around for him and, if he bowls up late, you are not there to facilitate.
Dont rearrange.
Dont offer extra time to make up what he loses.
If he doesnt want whats offered then he doesnt get an alternative, he just waits til his next scheduled time.
Make sure you find someone to be your back up for when stuff comes up - NEVER ask him to change times/days/ do a pick up for you. It would be preferable to call an agency than to use him.
That way it minimises the issues he can cause

AcrossthePond55 · 29/06/2019 17:34

NettleTea has it pretty much right! Stick to the agreement as much as you can with as little 'give' as possible. It may end up cramping your own style a bit, but it will be worth it in the long run as you'll have a much more stable life for DD (and the rest of you).

This was why BFF had to have her court order spelled out to a gnat's arse. Her ex was constantly 'announcing' changes and swaps, especially last minute, and paying no attention to pick up times expecting her to sit around until he deigned to show up.

Weenurse · 30/06/2019 01:20

@NettleTea has very good advice.
Also PP who said set up diary online and keep note of all deviation to the order.
He will trip up again.
Good luck

Original poster
awesmum · 01/07/2019 20:40

Thank you all for your kind words.

Friday night I was absolutely exhausted, I thought I would sleep like a log, but since court I have been having horrendous nightmares, I think I will give it a few days to calm if not back to The drs for suggestions. Part of it is that the court made a typo on the instructions and said hand over is to be at 9pm not 9am and despite the court order not being stamped yet I think that he could kick up a stink as to it being 9pm (it gives him extra 12 hours with her). It's fairly ridiculous argument if he does but we could end up back in front of the court to settle Hmm. He would However look a complete dick for arguing it, but he doesn't have an issue with that as he's shown.

During the day I feel really positive as I feel we now have an opportunity to look forward and plan. I sent a picture of the kids (all of them) running around the garden making an enormous mess and having an amazing time creating some lovely memories, to my mum. She rang me almost in tears saying how nice it was it was like looking

OP posts:
Original poster
awesmum · 01/07/2019 20:40

At my home before he came along.

OP posts:
RhubarbandGin · 01/07/2019 21:28

What an amazing update, I am so happy for you , your DD and you entire family.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/07/2019 21:54

Part of it is that the court made a typo on the instructions and said hand over is to be at 9pm not 9am and despite the court order not being stamped yet...

Is your solicitor contacting the judge to request the needed correction? If it hasn't been signed off and filed it shouldn't be too late. Because your solicitor absolutely should as the arsehole certainly will 'obey the letter of the law' and keep her until 9pm. Or he'll at the least use it against you as in "I'll drop her off at 3pm. The court order says I can keep her until 9pm so count yourself lucky!".

You can't expect him to be reasonable.

Original poster
awesmum · 01/07/2019 21:58

It's not a court order yet - it was the instructions from the magistrates, my barrister is drafting the order, his had to agree to it then the court 'stamp' it. My barrister has drafted it at 9am if his disagrees, not him, his barrister, then it will have to go back before them. But I can't imagine that the court will say that hand over is at 9pm.

OP posts:
Nofilter · 01/07/2019 21:59

F xx

RandomMess · 01/07/2019 22:12
Thanks
Paddy1234 · 01/07/2019 22:39

Just read the whole thread
I am completely in awe of you ❤️

AcrossthePond55 · 02/07/2019 01:44

I think I understand. The magistrate told your solicitor (and his) what the order should be, your solicitor types it up and submits it? You're just worried that between today and the formal order (with the correct time) that he'll take advantage?

I wouldn't think a court would either, but mistakes do happen and your ex is the type to take a mile. A normal, rational person would realize that 'pm' is obviously an error. But he's not normal OR rationale. But sounds as if it'll all be straightened out when the formal order is signed.

Pinktornado · 02/07/2019 07:21

So pleased for you op and fingers crossed for the future. Having read your entire thread I just wanted to say you’re a brilliant writer. Have you thought of sending your story to a publisher? Maybe something to think about in the future as you write so well and it’s so gripping. Send them a link to your threads Smile

user1486131602 · 02/07/2019 11:48

Reading this is like looking at my life.
He is using your daughter to get to you, eventually he will have no interest in her.
I have WA, police, SS and children’s services involved. My kids are older. Ask the police or women’s aid to pass your info on to CHILDRENS SERVICES.
Your strength and dignity are the things that drew him to you, and why he used you up. They are also going to be your salvation. My STBXH has used many of the same things to ‘punish’ me. He will not win, I will not be made into someone bitter and twisted.
Someone made a comment about him being like his mother and the mask slipping.....omg! That was an eye opener!
My STBXH earns a good wage, he is paying £100 a month towards the kids ( 16 & 18) food and NOTHING else.
He still came here twice to collect all the electronics he could get his hands on! It’s ALWAYS all about them.

I have a solicitor who is good at keeping me calm. I have also offered him 50/50 with me pursuing him for nothing personally. No payments, no pension, bonus etc........ but no, he wants more,’ cos he’s gonna to start again and have everything new’, that’s nice who gives a shit! You have lost your marriage, home and kids!!! My bad, he probably didn’t even notice!
I have asked this question before: who the hell raises these idiots?!
Anyway, mine is out of the house 5 months down the line, I signed my divorce application in February, finally he engaged a solicitor last week and I do actually believe he’s going to sign his papers soon.
So, don’t give up hope.
Every step is a step forward, I totally understand the cuddle thing, was feeling exactly like that myself all over the weekend. But a cuddle to comfort you you be empty and costly.
Stop mediation, stop replying to his requests and his solicitor, force him in any way possible to sign nisi, get him Into court regarding your youngest. The court will see that his care is at least not ideal, and will almost certainly return her to you and make him pay for all the kids.
I’m sending you admiration, love 💕 and hugs 🤗