Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

[awesmum]

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

He's just trying to freak you out. Definitely get front and rear dashcams. Xxx

Also you might get a discount on your car insurance too, it might even pay for itself. Every cloud.

Yes, its deliberate, but "stalking" on his police file will not look good in court

I got a dash camera from The Range for £15, so they're not massively expensive now. A worthwhile investment methinks

I think the thing to remember is that as long as he sees that it bothers you, he'll keep doing it. If he sees that it you don't give a shit, he'll stop.

If you can, try to ignore him. Control your facial expressions and continue on your way calmly. No glancing in the rear view mirror, unless it's to give a huge eyeroll. I know it's unnerving and infuriating, but he's doing it just to get a rise out of you.

But, yes, do discuss this with the police and with your solicitor.

Funnily enough it's not getting to me, I am more tempted to get a bumper sticker saying 'Follow me if you're a Dick.' I feel more empowered to be honest as he's investing so much time and thought into me than is necessary and I feel sorry for him that his life is now so empty. Admittedly I am shocked at his behaviour and very cautious of what he is capable of. But the following I find very
Speaking to DS earlier, neither of us recognise this person. I can't for a second imagine he's the person I married, it's like he's a whole other entity.

Absolutely love the bumper sticker suggestion. I honestly did laugh! Your doing amazing!

A dash cam front and back is a must, honestly 👍

I think dashcams are a good idea. I would be worried he might interfere with my car, in your shoes. He doesn't seem the type to be concerned about the effect anything he does might have on others.
Also agree to discussing with police and SHL.

He's genuinely psychotic. Would not surprise me if in the next couple of years he ends up either in jail or institutionalised.

Dash cams are ordered front and back. My car has a nifty little feature if anyone bumps it or interferes with it when it's locked it informs you when you turn the engine on, as I have thought about him doing something horrible to it.

Having been stalked op I learned the most valuable thing that if I gave him a reaction it was feeding him, cut him off treat him like a ghost he's not there you can hear him see him even if he's stood right next to you in the supermarket, I know it's hard and frightening but after a few attempts and you are not feeding him it becomes dull, also look through him no facial reaction

Also don't rush off walk slowly and calmly remember he's not there he is a ghost

Perhaps you should have braked suddenly “for a cat that ran across the road” and let him ram into your car. That would have been fun for him to explain to the police.

I’d report this to police regardless. Have it all on record.

Good you’ve ordered dash cams to.

How are handovers going or does he pick up and drop off at nursery?

Please can we not use the word psychotic for this man? Psychosis is an illness. People who are psychotic are not violent cold-hearted stalkers. The word you're looking for here is 'psychopath'.

Sorry for the derail, I work in mental health and this bugs me. Yes to the dashcams and hey, why not have the sticker as well?

Agree the dash cams are a good idea. Definitely keep a running report to the police. It’s all building up evidence.

@awesmum

Funnily enough it's not getting to me

That's it; we now know you are now going to be okay. I would imagine you will still be irritated and astounded by his behaviour, but if it is not really bothering you that much, you have won the battle right there.

I’m glad you are getting the dash cams, just got to install the buggers now.

Hang in there. It will get easier bit by bit

How are you doing, @awesmum? Hope life is as good as possible.

How are you doing op?

Thinking of you @awesmum

DD is off to her dad's this evening. It's been a lovely week without thinking about him.
The ironic thing is I used to hate going home when he was here and used to love going to the shop or just getting out for 5 minutes without him. Now I feel safe at home and panic out and about. I am constantly looking over my shoulder for him and his intimidating looks. The camera is installed in the car, but he's been keeping his head down.

I have contacted my solicitor about the divorce, I am stressing about that as I feel I am going to end up walking away with nothing. I keep reminding myself that even if I leave without a penny of my inheritance and he keeps it that I have my peace of mind and a sense of self and most importantly I won't loose my children.

This weekend my 'mid-life crisis' commences with gusto and I am off for another tattoo- I had one which he made me have laser surgery on. Don't ask it's a stupid tale of his ridiculousness.

DD is back on Monday, and I have all the family coming over for lunch and fun - they wouldn't come when he lived there, oddly they are coming once he's gone and the kids are getting to see their cousins and build relationships with them.

Glad that he's keeping his head down! Must be nice to have some time without him interfering.

Awesome! What tattoo are you getting? I love tattoos! I have a couple that need finishing.

That'll be nice to have all the family together. Are they supportive? Xx

How wonderful that you are marking your freedom permanently where he made you remove it. I'm so proud of you! Wonderful that you are rebuilding extended family relationships for your kids, too. I hope your weekend is fun and there's wine flowing. x