Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

[awesmum]

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

Good luck today - if he tries to intimidate you again today I hope this army you have virtually with you gives you some strength.

I have faith in this judge - I think they are allowing him to dig himself a really big hole. It sounds as if you have a really good barrister - really hoping for good news later today for DD. She deserves so much better than him - i.e., you.

Round 2. Once more into the breach. Good luck.

Best of luck!

You are an amazing person OP....I admire you beyond words...stay strong xxx

Stay strong, OP. Mr Twat is being see for what he is ... hang in there. x

Wow he really is unbelievable! How can someone take a child just to utterly neglect them like that for days?

Another full on day today. We now have a court order. I am not bowled over by it at all but it was what the judges were happy with. At least I know when she will be home etc. It is an interim order until the court date at the end of June. DD lives with me- he was fighting this and wanted her to have dual residency- how that would work when we can't speak to each other I have no idea. He can not take her to work. He must take her to nursery on her designated days on time and the full time if he has her over those days. He's not to speak negatively about me to her and return her from access on time and not speak to me unless it's directly related to DD care or wellbeing.

He does have over night access - it is not shared care that he wanted and also not the 2 days here, 1 Day there, 3 days here, 2 days or whatever rubbish he was after. Thus limiting both mine and DC contact with him and allowing DD a chance to settle into a routine again.

It is not what I ideally wanted access wise, he has an extra day, but it may hopefully mean D.D. gets some much needed stability and routine. She will hopefully know where she is one day to the next, on the proviso he sticks to it. If he doesn't he's a moron - so I won't hold my breath. But I have hope the fear of loosing her unless in a contact centre maybe the poke he needs. Because if she can have a nice relationship with him and I separately then she's winning which is all I wanted.

His first access is this weekend so we shall see whether he returns her or not. I have the time to tell DD and other DC what is happening in an appropriate fashion so they know what is happening when. I am going to make a special stick on chart for DD to easily see what she is doing when next week.

He couldn't resist himself and started talking in court - he asked this time if he could- he was told by his barrister 'No you speak to me.' The judge said 'No' and the clerk also said 'speak to you barrister' he still did it! Made himself look a prick and they ignored his sanctimonious speech.

My boss has been lovely, thank god because I need this job, for the money but mostly my sanity.

So I am happy if DD is happy.

Thank you all so much for your support. It has been an absolutely needed and very appreciated.

That sounds very positive. I know you say there are things you'd rather not have but with the full order coming in June I guess the court had to be cognisant of that date too.

That said, its clear and unambiguous that his behaviour has to change and if he can't do that, he will come a cropper in June.

Onwards and Upwards and hope DD gets back into a routine, and some joy and security in her life.

It is a positive outcome although I know it doesn't feel like it

Is there power of arrest attached to his contact? If not then if he fails to return her on time again insist on it being done in June.

Very positive that she must attach nursery it does limit his direct contact time that he does have with her.

I think that does sound positive and he is not allowed to call the shots and keep her from nursery. I'm sure you will have further shit from him but at least you have a routine and it is a court order so hopefully he will stick to it and you will know what is happening. Well done on getting through this week, it must have been very tough

That's sounds positive, even if it's not all you wanted. I do hope there is power of arrest attached though, just in case he tries the same shit again not returning her.

Anything about sticking to her medication regime?

In the short term I hope he DOES fuck up. I hope he pisses around and breaks all the agreements because then it will come and bite him right in the arse in June.

People like him really think that they are above the law and its really wonderful to watch when they find out that they are not. At the moment he still believes he is, otherwise he would have kept his big mouth shut in the court.

They will have noted that speech. If you are lucky the judge will request to be in charge of the next hearing.

It's certainly better than what he had before. I'm so pleased he's not allowed to take her in to work! I hope he'll wind his neck in now, but I'm not holding my breath.

A lot of positive steps there.

I really hope that come June, he loses all contact. He doesn't deserve her.

It's not perfect, but it is progress and it puts some curbs on what he can and can't get away with. I hope for your DD's sake that he now behaves himself, but if he doesn't that's rope for him to hang himself with.

I actually think what you have got is really good.

What is the contact regime?

I think that in the short term that this is fair. He has got to abide by it, if he "takes the law into his own hands" he will be the master of his own downfall.
His behaviour in Court will have been noticed (Believe me!)

I think it's a positive outcome. He won't stick to it for one moment, because men like him always know best ..... I'd say play the long game here, give him enough rope and he'll hang himself.

I bet he never thought in a million years that you'd stand up to him like this. I hope you're bloody proud of yourself tonight - I don't even know you and I'm proud of you!!

I too think it's good. He wanted 50:50 and you wanted less so the standard outcome is somewhere where you both have compromised. Plus, the limits on him are all for your daughters good and limit harm to her. Lets hope he sticks to it for her sake.

Wish you all the best OP. The order may not be exactly what you wanted but it is at least court ordered. It means you can haul him back to court when he contravenes it as they invariably do

Globally reassuring for you & DD I think,
He will probably still do as he wishes, playing into your hands.
IMO he will contravene in the very near future.

You've done so well, @awesmum. I can see why you feel a bit sorry about the extra day, but you've done AMAZINGLY in achieving some consistency and predictability for your DD and in ensuring that she gets to go to the nursery that she loves and maintain her normal schedule. Also, the bit about him not taking her to work! They are obviously on to him!

Hope you are having a lovely relaxing evening and enjoying reflecting on some of your successes, as you should be (including that they saw first-hand what a d*ck he is!!!)

And I don't mean duck. Ducks are great.

@awesmum- what days has the judge granted per fortnight to him? At least now hopefully she gets to attend nursery, and is it of the filthy workplace, and you know she's safe during the day as long as he doesn't breech the orders (again) I hope this is a positive step and leads towards you and your kids finally getting some peace xxx