Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

[awesmum]

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

@RandomMess where he works is filthy! It's mechanics and everything is black. You have to wear steel toe caps and full sleeves and trousers. The guys who work there get changed before getting into their cars after work as it is so dirty.

🤮

It's good her ear drums have not burst, but the dirt (and how quickly they got dirty) is disgusting.

Great plan to get all the paperwork out of the way, then forget about it all.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend bar the cold burnt toast in bed on Sunday

So gland you've got her back AGAIN! Great news you can keep her safe until Wednesday when fingers crossed this whole mess will be finally sorted for you. Have a great weekend xx

It's a mechanics? Jeez the HSE would have a field day: www.hse.gov.uk/contact/concerns.htm Although it might be Environmental Health www.hse.gov.uk/contact/authority.htm

If her ears were full of dirt just imagine what she is beathing in, with a child of that age it really is not a healthy enviroment.

Please make sure you tell the GP and the nursery about the work conditions.
I agree HSE would be horrified.
There is probably a regulation stating no minors on the premises.

Good luck for Weds, OP.

Have nursery spoken to SS for you? Having these concerns raised from an independent professional may get you more traction with them.

Enjoy your weekend x

Yes, I agree with others that SS will take more seriously a concern raised by a nursery setting. I would strongly encourage them to report their concerns. Things like the impact on her of being picked up unexpectedly and with no warning, any behavioural changes when she has been returned, any red flags about the level of care they notice.

100% ask nursery to report concerns to SS. I am surprised they haven't already to be honest. I am glad DD is OK, please, however, ensure that the nursery do NOT let him take her on Wednesday without contacting you first. He really shouldn't have contact at the moment and I would be utterly defiant about that. The court will understand, believe me, I've been there. I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

@awesmum wishing you a peaceful day.

Happy Mother's day awesnum Hope you're surrounded by people who love you

Happy Mothers Day Awesmum

Hi everyone
I hope you've had a wonderful Mother's Day and been thoroughly spoilt and been lazy.

I would like to say we've had a quiet one, but DD18 started a new job last evening and STBXH came in pissed and was horrifically intimidating to her, he was standing and staring at her for hours - doesn't sound too bad, but that's exactly what the nursery women found unnerving in him and most people know say is scary about him. He was laughing at her and following her around, resulting in her having a panic attack. She didn't inform the work as she had only just started, also The boss of the place possibly knows him so she doesn't want it being brought up with them. Also if he knows she works there he will probably return.

This resulted in her and I falling out - she's blaming me - rightly, and she's now packed a bag and stormed out of the house. I really feel like I am fucking up at the moment. I think I have leant too much on the older children for support as I have no one else to turn to, and that's not fair on them.
I have apologised and I won't discuss with them anymore. I felt I needed too simply because whilst with 'him' he wouldn't tell them anything even when I was in hospital for days he wouldn't tell them what was going on. I think I have gone too far the wrong way now.

She's said some truly hurtful things and I need to make amends.

Parenting never seems to get easier

If he stalks her, she needs to report it. He isn't her dad, he is just some shithead bloke. I hope you and she can have some time together when you are both calm and work out a strategy for managing this, because as it stands this is giving him just what he wants.

I would be willing to bet this is retaliation for the court case.

I think she is going to have to let her work know so they can ask him to leave, I'm surprised they didn't, to be honest. If she leaves he will move on to any new job and start again. Perhaps she could talk to the local PCSO or 111 as she felt intimidated. It's also evidence for court.

It all just sounds horrible, like he has a new victim and she must be terrified knowing what happened to you and her baby sister. Take care.

I also think you both need advice on this from Women's Aid, perhaps a restraining order is needed? He certainly harassed her in her own home before he left.

You really need to report him for that, that's really crossing a line.

And it's all ammunition for your case. I'd get her to go into the station tomorrow, and she needs to talk to her boss. Poor love, must have been awful for her.

What will be decided at the emergency hearing OP? What are you covering there? Is there a non-molestation order? I wonder if this could be extended to DD18?

I am going to speak to Women's Aid tomorrow and possibly the police just to log it, we still have the alert on the house and I thing this is worth noting. He may not do it again, but if he does then it could be construed as stalking.

I am going to let DD calm down before broaching the subject as I think she feels I am focusing too much on court and she's possibly feeling a little ignored and unthought of - not true at all - ironically she and I were laughing the other day at how she's more high maintenance than her baby sister and the other 2 put together. But she was always the whipping boy to him and she did suffer worst at his hands. I think I will book something for just the 2 of us to do and switch off from all the stress.

@DishingOutDone I am going for prohibitive steps with powers of arrest. When went for the occupation order and non-mol they would extend it to the children as they said there was nothing there to warrant it - not so now, but I will discuss it with my solicitor.

The new improved solicitor awesmum? You are really thinking ahead and planning this all now, I think you have seen that you literally cannot believe anything until you've checked it yourself well done for being on the ball, we are all behind you for the week ahead.

Your eldest is probably able to let it out now so you will get some pushback. I imagine that if this had happened before, you both would have shushed it up between you to keep the peace. You are doing your best, keep your chin up and keep going.

I've just rtft @awesmum, what you have been through is horrendous - you're amazing to have kept enduring!
Just keep swimming!! 🐠