Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

[awesmum]

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

Honestly I am terrified that they will just say 'well....' and shrug their shoulders. It's all I seem to get from everyone about this.

No one seems to be able or willing to do anything.

@awesmum my heart is breaking for you! I can't imagine what you're going through you're being so strong! I have no advice other than keep doing what you're doing and I do hope you get her back from this prick.

awesmum you have so much evidence you can present though. His lack of communication, how dishevelled she was when she returned, his lack of engagement with her need for social activities, statements from nursery etc. Take care.

I will keep everything crossed that you get her back tomorrow.

Would it be worth going to his solicitor's office tomorrow? Actually turn up and ask wtf is going on?

I'm so shocked that nothing is getting sorted and hope that you can personally get him banned from going near your daughter. The solicitor sounds useless!

De lurking to say good luck tomorrow, I hope that fucker gets his comeuppance, what a vile man he is. You, op sound awesome and it comes across just how much you love your daughter x

Best of luck tomorrow. Everything that can be crossed is crossed for you.

I really think you need to consider getting a new solicitor. Think carefully of anyone you know in your area who's gotten divorced, dealt with child residency, etc and don't be afraid to ask them what they thought of their solicitor and did were they satisfied with the final 'product'. Not that they got everything they wanted, but they were satisfied given the circumstances. You want and need a real shark.

I don't know if there are legal review sites in the UK, but maybe google something like 'divorce aggressive solicitor and see what pops up.

Could you press charges against him for coercive control? Or is that bundled in with June's court hearing? I don't understand the system but was wondering if you pursue charges against him it might add more ammo to your case. Or that might be terrible advice. I just don't know, but so hope it works out for you.

Just to say I'm thinking of you! You are incredibly strong and he's doing all of this to break your spirit, but he won't! Good luck tomorrow. I hope and pray she's back with you soon

Wishing you all the luck in the world, I hope your daughter is back with you soon. I can't imagine how you feel.

Actually, I hope he defies the order and gets arrested, destroying his opportunity to have a reasonable access arrangement.

Your solicitor sounds like she is incompetent. How dare she just say he could keep her until June like there is no way of fighting that?

Are you forced to use that solicitor? What would happen if you sacked her and represented yourself until you got a new one?

Op if he does hand her back in a couple of days do not allow him to take her again until court. He can't be trusted and you have been more than reasonable

I've read your whole 2 threads recently and you are doing amazingly.

Pps are right and your solicitor is useless. You can file an emergency court order the same day and you can do it yourself. I think it's C100 forms. Download them and fill out 2 copies, turn up at court and you will have a hearing that same day.

One other thing. The nursery have the ability to ban anyone from the premises. If they don't want him to collect her then they tell him he isn't permitted and it needs to be you or someone else authorised and that is one less worry for you.

I’m willing you on from here OP

Good luck for today. I have everything crossed for you

Thinking of you and your precious daughter today

awesmum
I’ve read both threads through.
Just a couple of quick thoughts from a retired HV:

I can’t remember if anyone else has suggested this
When you speak to social services, (or your HV, or solicitor) follow it up with an email so that there’s written evidence of your concerns. Copy the email to the Director of Social Services, and keep printed copies yourself.

List your concerns:

I would list
her skin condition being untreated when she is with him
The lack of routine , falling asleep on the sofa, no proper bed or bath times, not knowing when she is coming home, or when she is going to nursery.
Missing events important to her, such as ballet.
The filthy (and possibly hazardous) conditions at his place of work. (You could elaborate on this - sharp tools, poisons etc, access from strangers )
Him carrying her round, even to the toilet with him. 🤮

Thinking of you

Also list her behavior when she came home after the last abduction. The checking the house was still the same etc.

Would you be able to get a statement from the nursery on how they feel about him, ie nervous etc?

Also the telephone thing where she told you the keep quiet while on the phone.

Good luck for today.

Good luck today. When you email SW, I'd copy in someone much higher up the chain eg Director. Also your local councillors/ councillor who is Chair of SW. Much more likely to capture their attention.

@awesmum I did say way upthread that you could get an emergency next day hearing and that it was your best way forward. I have helped somebody else with this and achieved, within 24 hours, a prohibited steps and occupation order. She represented herself. Your solicitor is frankly negligent. Utterly useless and terrible, dangerous advice. Please get rid of him/her immediately. I would be inclined to ask for a recommendation from Womens Aid in terms of legal rep or get onto the Rights of Women or Resolution websites for solicitors that are recommended by them in difficult areas like this. You need to have a decent solicitor and this one is horrendous. Good luck today!

MrsC in the 2 threads a few of us have said the same about the emergency hearing; how awful that the OP who is so brave has been let down by her solicitor in the most outrageous way.

Further @awesmum, I don't understand why no other solicitor will speak to you, you are not obliged to remain with the current one. You simply disinstruct them and instruct another one. This situation is ludicrous and so easily sortable, I don't understand why your solicitor is so utterly negligent with advice. You MUST get onto Rights of Women or Women's Aid immediately. You don't need legal aid to make an emergency application!

@DishingOutDone Indeed, it could be done today and heard today!

Yes I don't understand why no other solicitor would deal with you either. It makes no sense. It's not like you're asking his solicitor to represent you!