Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

[awesmum]

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

Ask on the legal board here?
"Ex failing to return DD"

There are some fantastic posters that deal with family matters on there.

Where are you in the UK OP?
the High Court in London has an internal CAB that can give you advice as to how to bring Court proceedings "in person".
Also if you are bringing emergency applications there, there are barristers who volunteer to represent litigants in "person" in Court. I don't know if this practice happens at other High Court Registry's, but Court staff are generally helpful in advising you how to complete court forms, should you wish to persue this yourself.
As you have a Court date, painful as it is, you really have to weigh up whether it is better to let him continue to be totally unreasonable for the time being, thus shooting himself in the foot, or try to stop this current behaviour, possibly by doing this in person.
Have a word withyour solicitor.

God I hate that man, so sorry he has
done it again. Yes please email saying what has been organised & that he cannot ride over all her activities & lock her in his office all day. Get this on your paper trail.
Please inform Ss of him sequestrating her In inappropriate surroundings. No insurance, no cooking or decent bathroom facilities. Etc

When I called the National Domestic Violence helpline they told me about a charity that specifically does things like occupation orders and emergency stuff like that, on the day applications and what have you. I think Hazel above has some interesting advice too.

When I worked for the CAB we had pro bono solicitors we could refer to for legal advice and as an adviser I could also ring the courts and ask for help on the spot, everything was an emergency as you can imagine and the courts were usually very accommodating. The more I read about your case (have been reading from the start) the more I think you are just being very badly advised.

I rang the NDVH as my H is manipulative but there was no physical violence, I have to say they were fabulous I wonder if its worth running this past them now even though you have got him out, basically he is still manipulating you, and see if they can give you details of that charity too:

www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

I found it - the can do a prohibited steps order for you:

"A prohibited steps order is where the Court prevents a certain action. A prohibited steps order may be made against anyone, regardless of whether they have parental responsibility. An order may be made against a person who is not a party to the proceedings."

www.dvassist.org.uk/contact

Could this work?

All of these court order possibilities you need to ask if they can have power of arrest attached to them, if they can assist that they have them.

Even if there is a defined CO and he breaches it without power of arrest being attached then the police will
Not intervene.

So it's all a big legal aid fuck up basically. I had a legal aid lawyer for a while in Oz and her advice was pretty awful. Eventually I just got myself in debt to a private solicitor and finally figured out where I stood. But I do know I could have lodged forms myself in an emergency, like failure to return my child. Even though we didn't have a court order I was still considered the primary carer as he was in my care majority time, proved by nursery/doctors/the fact I knew everything and he knew fuck all. My house was set up for a baby - he had no furniture, no car seat, no clothes, nothing.

I ended up moving his nursery because like your nasty ex, he would turn up and take him and they couldn't do anything because they knew him. They wouldn't even call me, so at least your nursery are doing that. By enrolling him elsewhere at least I was the only one listed as a contact and the nursery couldn't let him go. I'm not suggesting you do this btw! Laws are obviously different in our country, but I had every right to move his nursery as the one who paid for it (no cm), and he frequently broke any agreements we had made outside of court (but still via solicitors).
I understand how upsetting and frustrating it is. You want your child to be where they are safe, stimulated and happy. I wanted to be at work and not worry where my child was at the end of the day - not a lot to ask for! Some people (people he'd brainwashed) thought I was refusing access but it was nothing like that. I used to say 'don't you think I'd love to hand him over to a loving dad and have a weekend off to sleep?!' Instead I put all my energy into protecting my child from the one person who should have been an ally.

Initially the solicitors were sympathetic to him - he played the 'poor dad who just wants a relationship with his son and she's so evil' card very well. But then he broke our agreements over and over and over, and then he became nasty and aggressive with the solicitors. Eventually his solicitor told him to do one.

The scales will fall op, and it will get better.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

I can't remember if this has been shared before? They have given good advice and support to friends in similar situations.

I am so sorry he is doing this to you.

I think it is very significant he is doing this on your non-working days in order to deny you contact with DD.

If you feel your solicitor isn't fighting your corner the way they should be, remember that you can always find a new one, a SHL who will be more aggressive.

And you can and should challenge a solicitor who says 'No, we can't do that' and ask questions, even repeat them, until you understand why something can't be done.

Sorry been at work and on the phone to different people.
My solicitor says there's nothing I can do, that yes he could keep her till June and yes I am likely to loose custody in that case because the court would keep the status quo. She asked me why he's being like this - I don't fucking know - he's an arsehole? So about as helpful as a chocolate teapot, but the long and the short of it is I have to wait till June unless I apply for a another application which costs £255 to happen in 4 weeks time - the same thing I applied for previously.

I have not just taken that. I am worried about her, he's not reasonable, he's not thinking of her. He is thinking of himself, his work is filthy, she's being held in a room all day with no access to friends or normal activities she loves.

So Through a trail of passed around calls, first the health visitors- very nice but couldn't do anything apart from tell me I must refer it to social services again.
Then social services who took my details and said they would look at it again.( not holding my breath)
Then to Cafcass who can't do anything as the court have discharged them, that I must go back to court and refer it to them. She also gave me some other numbers of people who maybe able to help.
So back to court, very helpful. It looks like my solicitor is talking shit as I can go to court tomorrow and make an emergency children's application, which could potentially be seen in front of a judge tomorrow. Which is free.

Feeling very sweary - I think you can see. So tomorrow going to try to sort this. As the health visitor said if I don't tell everyone I am worried about her and her safety then I can't use it in court. He's not thinking about her at all he's actually being cruel now.

Oh yes nothing from his solicitor still.

Thank you all for your suggestions of help I will sit down shortly and make a note of them all and have a read.

FFS Chane Solicitor's, they are useless.

Good luck tomorrow. We are all hoping for you and your girl.

Awesmum - I don't mean this frivolously, but you are one of those people I would want with me, watching my back, going to war. You're user name is spot on.

I salute you.

You go tell that judge!

The fact he has done this twice I think will go very much in your favour at an emergency hearing. I really think you need to go down that route urgently before he does.

Please apply for an emergency order. I'm astounded that your solicitor isn't being more proactive here.

At this point your solicitor is actually dangerous. She's giving you terrible, terrible advice.

She actually said you needed to wait until June and by that time the status quo may mean he gets custody?! And she was ok with that?! Apart from anything else, where on earth is her professional pride?

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-parents-separate/

This site has a helpline that gives free legal advice on these matters, might be worth a try.

You may have this info already but I have copied and pasted

Prohibited steps orders

A prohibited steps order (PSO) is an order the court can make to forbid a person who has PR for a child from taking certain action in relation to that child. You can ask the court to make a PSO forbidding your child’s other parent or another person with PR to:

remove your child from your care;
remove your child from school;
take your child abroad;
bring your child into contact with certain people;
change the child’s surname

The court can make these orders without the other person being given notice of the hearing in an emergency. The court may make a temporary or interim PSO and arrange another hearing when the other person can attend and put his or her side of the story. A PSO could also be made to last indefinitely.

Good luck for tomorrow awesmum and for finding a new solicitor too.

Good luck tomorrow, and good luck finding another soliciter. I cannot believe how shit they are.

Your poor DD.

Good luck for tomorrow from me too. You're doing the right thing binning off your solicitor - she's useless.

Furious for you re seemingly bollox solicitor.
Hoping you can sort this tomorrow

Best of luck tomorrow. I'm sure you'll rock!

And, when this all settles down, seriously consider raising a SRA complaint against your solicitor.

Am PMing you also.

So back to court, very helpful. It looks like my solicitor is talking shit as I can go to court tomorrow and make an emergency children's application, which could potentially be seen in front of a judge tomorrow. Which is free.

This is what I said upthread, I am so glad you have found this out by whatever means, I agree with PP about the SRA complaint