box Yes, both feeling as though you have another child, and recovering quickly. My DH used to say as a young man if he was going to finish with a girlfriend he always had another one lined up ready.... As a young woman, although I was a bit shocked, I didn’t think too deeply about it and what it might say about him.
intents The very sad thing is that he kind of knows what it is you need, but can only bring it out in extreme circumstances. Lots of people have said how their partners changed overnight once they were committed. I find that puzzling but can only put it down to being stuck somewhere in early childhood emotionally. You see children trying to do whatever it takes to get what they want, and then they’re on to the next thing. So you have to be strong and know that the probability would be that everything would return to normal if you stayed. And it’s not really you that he wants but the status quo.
It’s taken me years to realise with my DH, that everything in our life is how he wants it. Meals at a certain time (and only what he likes to eat), we go on holiday where he wants, he will only participate in the activities he likes, I could go on and on. I got quite resentful, but not knowing what I know now, felt it was up to me to accommodate him but only in the last few years have I realised my life mattered too, but got lost somewhere.
Over the years we have become like flat mates, sharing the same house but living separate lives, coming together only when we see our children. It’s very lonely as I’d assumed that marriage meant partnership and sharing. It took a long time for the scales to fall off my eyes.