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Relationships

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Married to someone with Aspergers: support thread 4 (replacement one)

999 replies

changerofnameaspiethread · 05/03/2019 11:50

This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner. Otherwise the thread can be deleted, like Support Thread 4 The Original.

Previous threads:
1st thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3281058-Is-anyone-married-to-someone-with-Aspergers
2nd thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3325419-married-to-someone-with-asperger-s-support-group-here
3rd thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3463341-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-Support-group-here-Thread-3

OP posts:
colouringinpro · 09/04/2019 22:11

Yes my kids said just this week that dad only does normal or sad.

boxlikeamarchhare · 10/04/2019 08:18

Moffa, I think your take on your H's feelings is very sound. When H left I actually felt sad for him, sad that he had left our family home, left us, left the dog. I worried about him on his own. However, it appears that he put us in a box and closed the lid very quickly emotionally (repeating the pattern of his actions during our long marriage) and that he is enjoying his new life without responsibilities very much.

My divorce gets filed today - heartbreaking despite everything.

newcat12345 · 10/04/2019 10:46

Box, thinking of you

Moffa · 10/04/2019 11:14

@box 💞

IntentsandPorpoises · 10/04/2019 11:54

Box Flowers I can understand that, I cried so much telling him.

He's trying so hard, he keeps hugging me and trying to kiss me and actually I really don't want him to. He had already read that it needed to be a counsellor with ASD experience so he's trying to organise that.

I'm still fairly certain I just want it over. I think it's too late.

colouringinpro · 10/04/2019 13:21

Intents Flowers I know what u mean re you think it's too late. Hard.

IntentsandPorpoises · 10/04/2019 19:55

He's being super husband. I'm finding it weirdly irritating.

boxlikeamarchhare · 10/04/2019 20:41

Thanks all - it is now done. I have been doing the headspace meditation app every day and am sure it is helping me. It teaches you to note your feelings, acknowledge them, and carry on, not giving them too much attention because they will come to define you.

Living with H was like parenting a second child a lot of the time. I worried about him like a mother would worry about a child when he left, worried that he has no one else in the world, no friends, no family, he only had us.

His current poor behaviour is making dealing with everything slightly easier albeit it is exhausting.

I rarely drink but after a bath and clean pyjamas I am having a small brandy!

stardustandroses · 11/04/2019 07:43

box Yes, both feeling as though you have another child, and recovering quickly. My DH used to say as a young man if he was going to finish with a girlfriend he always had another one lined up ready.... As a young woman, although I was a bit shocked, I didn’t think too deeply about it and what it might say about him.

intents The very sad thing is that he kind of knows what it is you need, but can only bring it out in extreme circumstances. Lots of people have said how their partners changed overnight once they were committed. I find that puzzling but can only put it down to being stuck somewhere in early childhood emotionally. You see children trying to do whatever it takes to get what they want, and then they’re on to the next thing. So you have to be strong and know that the probability would be that everything would return to normal if you stayed. And it’s not really you that he wants but the status quo.

It’s taken me years to realise with my DH, that everything in our life is how he wants it. Meals at a certain time (and only what he likes to eat), we go on holiday where he wants, he will only participate in the activities he likes, I could go on and on. I got quite resentful, but not knowing what I know now, felt it was up to me to accommodate him but only in the last few years have I realised my life mattered too, but got lost somewhere.

Over the years we have become like flat mates, sharing the same house but living separate lives, coming together only when we see our children. It’s very lonely as I’d assumed that marriage meant partnership and sharing. It took a long time for the scales to fall off my eyes.

IntentsandPorpoises · 13/04/2019 17:20

Dd has broken something very expensive of H's. We were all terrified when he came home. Usually this would mean raging, insults etc. But he's strangely calm. I dunno what to make of it. Genuine change or like an unexploded bomb.

colouringinpro · 13/04/2019 21:57

That sounds stressful intents.

Also a real snapshot of you and your dd's situation in the family. Dreading rage and insults is not good, especially your dd Flowers

stardustandroses · 14/04/2019 08:02

How is he now? It is unnerving if you don’t get the usual reaction. My mother used to be like that. I still freeze inside if I break a plate or something all these years later. I think that inside she was so chaotic and toxic that she used any excuse to vent. Her reaction was totally out of proportion to the accident, and the rage would go on and on. I would be reduced to a miserable jelly and afterwards she was fine, having unloaded her stuff onto me.

IntentsandPorpoises · 14/04/2019 08:14

There was lots of huffing and commenting on how the TV didn't last long. He seems OK. Still trying to be super husband, but kind of missing the mark.

He knows I'm not completely OK or happy, but he is still pushing on with the love bombing.

Daftasabroom · 14/04/2019 09:58

@Stardust, every time I go shopping I have her voice in my head "don't buy that, what are getting that for?" All the time, all the way round.

midcenturylegs · 14/04/2019 13:08

Hi all! Thanks

Catching up properly after a long while on this thread and have read the blog. A fair amount of expected vitriol from our favourite user.

It did get me thinking though.
My ex was diagnosed (properly, with Maxine A) so I know I'm not in the "70% of undiagnosed" category mentioned by the above. But I'm wondering if sometimes we are labelling people with ASC when it could be narcissistic personality disorder or other?

I left my ex's house last July. I still have stuff at his house (bikes, furniture, camping gear). Every time I try to arrange to pick it up he has an excuse for why he isn't going to be around. That's not autistic behaviour just controlling & horrible!

midcenturylegs · 14/04/2019 20:30

I should say - the bikes, cycle helmets (so we can't even borrow a bike), furniture and camping stuff is all my daughter's stuff). She's 12, confused because he is sending her messages pestering her to meet up with him - he has no idea how much she hates him, yet at the age of 12 she knows she has to pretend to avoid his rage!!

stardustandroses · 15/04/2019 07:40

daft☕️🧁
It does make life very stressful.
mid century
Do you have anyone you could take with you to get some stuff? Is there a time when he’s out so you could hire a van and get it? Or are you staying where you can’t store it?

Only advice I can offer as as the rages are concerned is to refuse to engage with it. Greatly daring and after many years, I started to leave the house when my mother started. Just said “I am not listening to this” and left. Amazingly it worked! Not all the time, but it helped me a lot. When the world didn’t come to an end and I refused to take the load, it made me stronger and less emotionally entwined. I think there was a part of me that thought it was my job to be the dumping ground for all that toxicity. I couldn’t have done it when I was 12 though. It would have helped me at that age to be told it wasn’t my fault and that the problem was hers, but you’ve no doubt done that. My dad just kept quiet and we lived in misery together. It did such damage to me and set me up for my future bad relationships.

IntentsandPorpoises · 15/04/2019 09:37

I wish I could walk away like that when dd rages! But it sort of is my job to absorb all that for her. First day back at school today and it was hard. Anxiety about changing tables, about school, about after school clubs. It's exhausting.

I think a lot of H is his ASD, only because dd is so similar and treats me in the same way. He seems genuinely horrified that I wouldn't know that he loved me. Like dd he can't make the connection between loving someone and actions- like putting them first occasionally. Dd tells me she loves me all the time, writes me notes, cards and letters. But can't even begin to consider letting me do something I want once in a while (like take a shower alone!) if it isn't something that suits her.

stardustandroses · 15/04/2019 15:32

Yes I can see that. It’s not really the same as my mother was a narcissist which I think is a bit different. No easy answers. Just a very hard slog dealing with it all.

AliSheppard · 16/04/2019 01:18

Long time lurker, posting first time. I too am married to a man with Asperger's and life is really very hard. As a woman of faith, I am really struggling at the moment and wonder if there are others within this thread who are in same position? If so, and you are interested in 'meeting' on a private forum to discuss issues of faith within an 'Aspie' marriage, please message me. Thanks.

I will also post this on the Body & Soul board in the Philosophy/Religion thread.

colouringinpro · 16/04/2019 01:35

Ali I am also a "woman of faith" .It has and is a decision (separation) I continue to struggle deeply with. But deep down, in my gut I believe is best for my self preservation and mental health and so best for my children. It's very hard. But it is the right thing for me and my kids. My husband is not able to really fulfil his marriage vows. I'm baptised Catholic, practising, so this is huge. I feel for you.

AliSheppard · 16/04/2019 02:10

@colouringinpro I feel for you, too Flowers
"My husband is not able to really fulfil his marriage vows."
This leapt out in neon lights for me. Yes, you understand, as I understand for you (and most if not all of the other ladies here). Thank you. I completely understand your decision to separate and pray your path becomes clearer and easier. I have reached the stage where I must now address my own self preservation and mental health. It is huge.

I came across this earlier - forgive me if it's already been shared on this thread. I haven't seen it. Although I don't have children, I recognise myself in this article and certainly understand why the author says that women who leave lose twice. It's just heart breaking for all those this applies to...
www.goodtherapy.org/blog/married-with-undiagnosed-autism-why-women-who-leave-lose-twice-0420164

IntentsandPorpoises · 16/04/2019 09:07

@AliSheppard that article really rings true. Especially the kids birthday party thing!

Me and H are talking a lot. He's very emotional, lots of him crying at the moment. With his impending diagehe is analysing a lot of past relationships and friendships and seeing what went wrong.

He says he totally understands if I want to leave, he's very upset.

Daftasabroom · 16/04/2019 09:45

ASC or HFA is a lifelong condition but as in all of us nurture is as important as nature. I think a lack of, or a late diagnosis, means that learned behaviour patterns from childhood can become more disabling or damaging than the condition itself. I think where DW gets overwhelmed or frustrated that the world isn’t how she expects, instead of understanding that in terms of ASC she just gets angry, intolerant, passive aggressive and demand avoidant, and this can be very damaging not just to those around her but ultimately herself.

IntentsandPorpoises · 16/04/2019 09:47

I think a good analogy from that article was that of a house on fire- if you are trapped in the fire it doesn't make much difference to you whether the fire was intention or accidental.

When my dd punches me and bites me and kicks me, it hurts just as much as if it was intentional, even though I know she doesn't mean it. And it can effect my relationship with her.

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