Ladies ladies ladies!
I am here with some tough love.
I've read through this thread and I have to say I am now feeling really really cross!
because... I can see myself in them.
I keep seeing dreamy posts along the lines of how you hope he's somewhere feeling just as sad as you are and just as lonely... (really not meaning to pick on the posts of anyone in particular)
- Well that sort of thinking is very understandable but needs to f**k off out of the room right now! Of course he isn't (so sorry) but your little piece of shoe-poo of an ex is doing just fine! Certainly compared to you.
You need to start thinking about you!!! I'm sorry but he has NOT got your best interests at heart. Everything has changed. You have to get your head around the fact that he is NOT your friend and he does NOT deserve to be one of yours. However lovely and genuine a man he once was, knowing how bereft you feel will just be polishing his ego on some level.
He has proven himself NOT GOOD ENOUGH for you by bogging off. So now one of you is crying and the other one is probably out there just getting on with his life, possibly feeling a bit guilty, quite possibly sitting on the sofa just scratching his balls and wondering what he's going to eat for dinner/when the football starts, i.e. not thinking about you AT ALL.
Time to grow our own set of balls ladies!!!! He has proven his lack of good-enoughness; you have more than proved your sheer bloody loveliness with all those tears and the fact that you give so much and are able to feel so deeply.
He has moved on. He is no longer emotionally engaged with you. It is HIGHLY likely that his -silly- head has been turned by some other woman - sadly monkeys don't let go of the old branch before they have a good hold on the next. In all probability the little turd isn't even good enough for her either. Most importantly when it come to you, he is not trustworthy.
Meanwhile however, YOU WILL find someone who will see your true worth and love you for it so don't waste any more of your precious life feeling any more for him. Certainly not sorry for him or worried about him!!!! Poor him?? This is HIS CHOICE and he is an adult. Get angry - it is very energising. So many men do this to us - (some women too I know). Enough! Let the healing begin Right Now...
The only way to get through this indescribable pain is to open up and let yourself feel it. It is debilitating grief and you take as much time as you need. Take no notice of anyone who tells you you should be over it by now - however long ago it happened. It is a personal journey. You won't always feel as bad as you feel right now, and that desire to end your life? Again, I understand that too, totally, but you won't always feel this way and NO MAN IS WORTH THAT.
It won't apply to everyone but please read the midlife forum website - lots of women and men who are very very wise on there - look up Pat Gaudette - she is the one who set Midlife Forum up. Midlife crisis can sometimes also be termed Narcissistic Breakdown which makes sense because everything about your once wonderful ex is now ME!ME!ME!. The man you loved has changed - gone forever.
Also there is something called the 180 - this is brilliant and advocates your doing exactly what it says. He has expectations that you will fall apart and so you do the exact opposite You basically turn back into the mysterious woman they fell in love with. It will take the wind out of his sails.
By the time they leave they have emotionally checked out long long ago and are far further down the path of detachment than you are. IF they were good enough for you then they would have communicated their unhappiness but oh no they just leave thereby robbing you of the chance to put things right. Their choice and their loss. Not yours. They may very well regret it one day but don't kid yourself that that is now or even any time soon. Go as NC as you can and read read read read everything you can find. Chump lady is also a good website. Whatever you do don't let them see how devastated you are. Frankly seeing that will freak them out a bit (men--emotions) and they will move even further away from you. (Don't worry too much if you have let them see already - this can start now.) Play it right and they will be eating out of your hand! But it is quite possible that by the time they come crawling back - hard as it is to believe from where you are right now - you won't even want them any more!!
Meanwhile I send every single one of you lots and lots of love and big hugs, You WILL get through this. Look after yourselves and your little ones because they are what matter the most now 