Relationship ended.. anyone else?

[dilly123]

Relationship ended today.. I know I'll be ok because I've been through worse but today I'm just feeling sad & disappointed..

For anyone else in the same boat.. sending you & positive thoughts!

Same boat here. I’m doing ok, he texted me to check up on me and I was friendly but kept it short. We work in the same field and I haven’t told anybody about it (don’t want everyone analysing me and making up stories about how heartbroken I look or whatever if I’m caught not smiling for one second!) but I was asked about it today so word is obviously out. I know it is the one notorious gossip who is responsible and it’s really hurtful. That she gets some weird pleasure from telling everybody about things happening in other’s lives that are nothing to her but are actually deeply important to those involved. Had another comment yesterday from a friend that put me in a tailspin too. I just want to block it all out and don’t want to hear anyone’s opinion on our relationship cause it just makes it worse!

Hi everyone!

Work is really busy, ds is poorly so not getting much sleep & dd is sad & very tearful after her break up so I'm exhausted this week! Just feel like my spark has gone!!

After 6 years of wanting him in my life I was so happy when he was now I feel like I'm nothing! I literally used to smile to myself thinking wow I'm actually his girlfriend properly officially & now I'm not I'm nothing to nobody! (Apart from my dc's) My lovely work colleague says she can just see sadness in my face.. God I'm ugly enough without looking so miserable all the time!! 🙈

@dilly123 Please don't say that! I've never seen you but can tell from the way you care that you are not ugly.

Something will come along soon and reignite that spark in you. In the meantime, you be the person to love you. That's what we all need to do right now.

I've just text my ex to say I won't be going to the family wedding with him. It would be torturing myself to be in that environment with the only person I have ever loved and who now doesn't love me.

@ImpracticalJoke

Thank you

Wise decision on your part & a brave one when your heart aches to be with him but you know it will just cause further pain.. well done! Maybe try to arrange to go out with friends that day/evening to try to take your mind off of it xx

Another one here and I'm getting old, it feels like the end of the line....so what do I do now?

This thread has helped me know I’m not alone . My husband of 15 years has been having an affair with a 29 year old girl from his work .
I begged and begged him to stop he laughed in my face told me he couldn’t give her up and had left me .
He’s gone and I’m left and I don’t know what to do . I have to sell the house as I can’t affird it on my own or afford to buy him out so I’m back in a 1 bed flat at the age of 45 ! One minute I just cry and cry the next I just want to be dead the next I think no you can do this . I’m just a total mess and he’s with her . He’s not the man I married I don’t know who he is he’s cruel ( he showed me their text messages to run it in my face ) and told me every minute he’s not with her he misses her . He’s no shame no guilt and no sorrow . The thing I can’t get my head around is how could I not have not noticed he was so unhappy in our marriage that he had to have an affair ? Why am I such a crap wife ? I honestly honestly thought we were happily married but obviously not and I’m that stupid I never even noticed !!

clarazebel hugs. I don't know what happens next. After my DCs dad left I never thought I'd meet anyone else. Never thought I'd fall in love again. I was single for 7 years. Then I met someone. Fell head over heels. Finally believed I would get married one day and maybe have another baby. That hope has died now. I really don't think I'll ever meet anyone else. Not that I'll love like him.
Sorry that's not reassuring at all is it.

karenb you are not stupid. He's an arse.

I went to midweek communion today and had a lovely chat with a friend before it started. Shes in her 80s and been married forever. I managed to talk about the split without crying for the first time. It was a good chat and helped some stuff make sense in my head. She's another friend who thinks he'll realise his mistake. So many have said that but I can't dare hope that's the case in case he never comes back.

@karenb6702 Some men just have no guilt so they find it easy to lie...and they're pretty good at it too.

You are not to blame here and have done nothing wrong. He is the one who should be ashamed! That is so cruel how he's handled the situation but when you come through this you are going to be so strong!!

Keep your head held high and show him you don't need him.

Karma is a wonderful thing too. When she cheats on him for someone younger he'll be crawling back and you can tell him where to go!

Your one bedroom flat...sounds cosy. Do it up exactly how you want and make it your own little sanctuary.

We've all got a long way to go but we'll get there.

Our heartbreak will change us for the better 💪🏻

I just feel so stupid and looking back I should have seen the signs but I thought we were happy and he would never do this to me .
If he was unhappy he should have said we could have got councilling or anything but no he gets his head turned my a girl .
I’ll never compete with a 29 year old I don’t know how to ?
I don’t know how to start again I don’t want to start again ! He’s just so cruel rubbing it in my face like he’s not hurt me enough!
My friends say Karma will come to him but maybe it’s me getting the karma for being stupid and ugly and fat and a waste of space !
I’m trying to be strong but I just can’t do it it’s too sore .

I wish I could believe it but he told me it’s my fault and I made him ( his words was ramp it up )
I’ve got no one or nothing I’ve got no family ( parents both dead ) no siblings or children . I’ve got like 3 friends in the world and that’s it there is just me .
I begged and begged him and as I say he laughed in my face and said he couldn’t give her up and every second he’s not with her he missed her .
He’s not missing his wife though as I’ve not heard from him for 12 days . I just feel so alone and scared and stupid and embarrassed that I can’t make my husband happy .

@karenb6702

That's awful. You weren't a crap wife. He is a dick.
This has happened to so many women - there are so many stories on mumsnet.
My ex left in November and I was on a similar thread to this one. There were at least 4 women on there who had been left for someone younger.
My ex also told me he had met someone younger and prettier than me. Actually he had met her once and had been flirting with her on Whatsapp for about a week. After we split he met up with her - then he was back here like a shot because she gave him the brush off. I told him to get lost.

It definitely isn't you at all but I do know how awful something like that makes you feel. Unfortunately there are a lot of shallow men around.
Mine reinvented our entire history to make out he had never been happy etc etc.

It is now 5 months on and I have wobble days but I am feeling much much better without him in my life bringing me down. He had subtle ways of doing this. You will also begin to feel better but it will take some time.

The one bedroom flat thing - I am 42 and living in a one bedroom flat. Sometimes I would quite like a tiny bit more space but actually it is very cosy and I love it now, on my own with my cats. Evenings were very lonely at first but now they are precious - I can slob around and read or do whatever I want. The place is easy to clean and without dirty ex around there is barely any work at all. There are advantages - cheaper to heat etcetc. Try to think of the one bedroom flat as a positive although I appreciate it is a massive change from a house.

I think he sounds like a right knob rubbing your face in it. Can you cut all contact with him? I did this this time round and it has really helped. Split up with ex twice before but he kept contacting me and those time he did try to rub his imaginary girlfriends in my face. This time I took control back and completely blocked him. It's the best way to heal.

You sound like a lovely woman. I bet he was happy in the relationship. If he's saying otherwise now it is revisionist history. I think there is a certain type of man who is ruled by his penis - sees an attractive woman, maybe she flirts with him a bit and off he goes. Then so that he doesn#t feel like a shit he makes up a load of crap about his relationship with his wife/long term gf that just isn't true.

I wish I could believe it but he told me it’s my fault and I made him

Of course he's going to say it's your fault. He's such a lovely, caring sharing kind man - he'd never be the type to run off with a younger woman unless his wife had made his life so unbearable etcetc.

Nah.. he's just a knob.

I am also an only child and my Mum died 5 years ago. I live in another country and am in daily contact with my Dad but there is no one physically here with me.
3 friends is good! Cultivate your friendships.
I bet you find you have more than 3 friends. Once I got out of my relationship I discovered I had more energy to be open to new people and new things.

Laying here wide awake and all I can hear in my head is our conversation when he left. I can't stop crying.

porpentinaScamander Wide awake here too, can't breathe properly and lots of sobbing. It's 6 days in for me and I think I feel worse now, the anger is gone and now I'm just so very sad. Thinking of you all in the same situation, especially those of you with little ones to take care of x

Hi everyone,
I know this thread has been going on a while but wanted to say hello.
28 and going through a divorce, been separated since July last year when he got in bed with me one night and told me he didn’t love me anymore .. completely out of the blue after a year of marriage and 11 years together.. he’s already met someone else and is living with them, have been NC since the new year.

I’m in a much better place than I was, time really does help.. 8 months in and my good days are more than my bad days but it still hurts x

I feel really sick again today. I think Friday's are the hardest for me as he finishes work early so we would always have a couple of hours to ourselves before the DC got in. And it was a Friday when he ended it.

So I came home from work today and he’s been in the house all his stuff is gone . All his clothes all his books paper work etc . I have lived in hope that he might say I’ve made a huge mistake I’m sorry but no he’s completely gone 😓😓 I’m so devastated I really have no idea what to do . I don’t want to beg him but I honestly feel like doing it and saying you can have her but please have me as well 😓😓

So sorry Karenb6702. x

@PorpentinaScamander What is it about a Friday eh? Mine came home three weeks ago today and told me he wasn't happy and was leaving and it was over for good.

I joked about him having a mid life crisis a couple of weeks before it happened as he changed a bit and I felt something was off.

There's still a part of me holding onto the hope that it is and once he's got it out of his system he'll realise how much he's still in love with me and come back to me.

He said it's for good though so don't know what to do...wait for him or move on to try and make the hurt pass quicker.

He still loves me he says but isn't in love with me anymore. I keep thinking of ways to make him fall in love with me again. I'm so scared he'll find someone else.

We'll be ok everyone. It will get better. It has to!!

Ladies, I promise it does get better.
8 months ago I never thought I’d say that, I was a broken mess... time and good friends and family help conquer all.

@ImpracticalJoker 3 weeks today for me too.

My ex (DCs dad) came back after 18 months and said he'd had some kind of midlife crisis. We tried again but it didn't work.

This current ex said he is still in love with me but realised he doesn't want a family. I can't make him want that. But part of me hopes he matures a bit and changes his mind.

I know it gets better, I've done it before. Just never expected to be doing it again!

@PorpentinaScamander I can not work men out at all!

How old are your kids?

So my ex is the opposite to yours...not in love with me but would gladly have all three of our kids living with him 🙄

I hope yours realises how amazing it can be to be part of a lovely family. At least you know the joys your children bring and you have those special people in your life ☺️

He doesn't know what he's missing!!

@ImpracticalJoke (just realised I got your name wrong before) they are 14 and 12. He's only 27 so I guess he struggled with parenting teenagers. Totally understandable. They can be arses