How tempestuous does your marriage get?

[User1053051066]

Just wondering. Want to know what goes on behind closed doors. How much do you put up with? What's acceptable?
I think sometimes I do look through rose tinted glasses but sometimes I think one shouldn't put up with anything other than "nice". Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?
Don't want my kids to think it's normal though.

We ‘argue’ in that we disagree and discuss it. Very rarely one of us may raise our voice or leave in a huff if we both aren’t ourselves for some reason (usually the normal person notices and descalates). No throwing or screaming or pushing though.

Argue, yes. Scream, push, throw stuff? No never, never insult each other either.

No shouting, screaming, throwing or pushing.

That is not normal, in any way.

Surely everyone argues? Yes
Screams? No
Throws things? No
Pushes? Hell no!
Don't want my kids to think it's normal though.
Well then do something about it.
I grew up in a violent household and it still effects me now, aged nearly 40.
My mum didn’t have the guts to leave and put us kids first.
Luckily I hadn’t repeated my family pattern. My son is 15 and has never witnessed any of the above in his home, which should be everyone’s place of safety.
I’d recommend the Freedom programme and speaking to Women’s Aid etc about some support and realising what is and is t normal boundaries.
Really hope you have the courage to change yours and your children’s futures

So do you guys never lose your temper? At all, in life?

Argue ..not really...we often raise the tone but it never gets to what I would call a 'row'...we actually agree on most things.

No losing of tempers or raised voices. I occasionally express exasperation at DH but that's it. No throwing, pushing, shoving, name calling or anything. We discuss stuff, but genuinely do not argue, and have never had an argument in 17 years of marriage. Occasionally I lose my cool with the kids and shout at them when they ignore me repeatedly but that's it. Honestly.

We don't really argue, we agree on most things. In reality, when we are disagreeing, the majority of the time it is me being a hormonal arsehole. I never had the issue when I was on the pill but probably every 3 months or so since I had the coil fitted I get very hormonal, sad and needy and I pick a fight, I can feel myself doing it but I cannot stop it. We are both aware now and are able to raise it like adults that it is likely hormone related. Most of our rows have been about his mum who we are mostly NC with now. Recent disagreements have been that he can be a lazy parent at times but we talk about like adults and have made progress on it.

We rarely argue, if we do it's over within minutes. There is no shouting, no pushing, no name calling, bad language etc. That's not to say we don't annoy one another, we do, but ultimately we're mature enough to get over it & make sure that there's a healthy atmosphere in the house where our kids are. Our kids regularly see affection between us and so hopefully they feel that we're a strong unit. I always feel secure & like my DH has my back even when we disagree on something. We feel like a team.

Yes people mostly lose their temper at times but how do you express that. Most partnerships will be able to have one or both losing temper without screaming or worse. Raised voices suffices to get the point over that you are at the end of your tether.

Yes, I lose my temper big time, I'm also quite reactionary and get terrible PMT. Red wine makes me mardy too. My DH is irritable and gets hangry. We still don't push, scream or throw things. I sometimes have to leave the room or he does.

Of course people lose their control of their temper sometimes. But you don't have to take it out on someone else even if you think / know they are to blame.

Dealing with the emotion and getting yourself under control works far better than screaming, throwing or pushing. This is fairly basic lesson in life. To think otherwise is seriously stupid and unhealthy.

When it happens Loved ones should be helping you get your emotions back under your control. Not goading or causing more stress and anger. Again a basic life skill

We bicker often but only argue maybe once every two weeks or so, no more than shouting and not for long at all. One of us will always go upstairs or remove ourselves from the situation and then we discuss it rationally when we’ve both calmed down the next day or so. We both are good at communicating our problems so talk them through properly and work on solving it. We have never pushed each other or anything physical! We don’t have DC yet but if we did, I wouldn’t want them growing up thinking that’s an acceptable way to treat someone you claim to love!

We bicker, and nag at each other at times. But I can genuinely say we've never shouted, screamed, thrown things or gotten in any way pushy or physical at each other.

(Have seen DP throw a remote control at a wall over a football match on tv, but that's pretty much the angriest I've seen him.)

I can't remember the last time we argued, a couple of years ago maybe?
Everything is usually on an even keel. No dramas, no issues, just tick over nicely.
I listen to some stories from friends and all their falling out just seems like hard work and not enjoyable.

Me and Dp argue.

But screaming, shouting, pushing.....no absolutely not.

Yes I can get angry so can dp. However, I don't lose my shit at work or out in public.....Why would I do it with my Dp, in front of my kids?

We bicker mostly. A few massive arguments in 5 years, mostly him shouting as I don't really lose my temper tbh. But yep, mostly bickering...if it really doesn't matter we usually just laugh it off and if it does matter we try and have a chat about it. Mostly let stuff go though. Pushing would be a massive no no for me...I wouldn't have that, not for a second.

We disagree over things occasionally but we never argue, never raise our voices to each other, never throw things and never push each other.

We have the usually disagreements, but we rarely properly argue.
My DH and I have had 2 big arguements where we’ve screamed and shouted at each other in the whole time we’ve been together.
During one of those arguements, I threw a plastic spatula at him not the most lethal of projectiles, but I still shouldn’t have done it.
I’m a very emotional person, whereas my DH is not, and he hates confrontation. So I think our personalities sort of neutralise each other and stop things getting heated if there is a disagreement.

Wow, all these perfect relationships, how lovely!

@User1053051066, I lose my shit and shout from time to time.. I don't really believe anyone who says they don't. Pushing etc, no that's not normal or ever ok. No need to lay your hands on each other. But shouting and name calling happens when things get heightened sometimes. We have a perfectly happy healthy marriage.. arguments don't last long, I usually loose my temper call him an idiot, storm of to calm and then it gets spoken about rationally.

Sometimes, one of us will 'tut', or roll their eyes. That's about it! As a family we don't call each other names, tell each other to shut up or shout. These are the people you love best in all the world - be kind :)

Have a good ding dong every few months or so but in my defence we both work from home and he treats me like a PA
I have no problems doing it in front of the children so they can see that you can get back to normal a few hours later.
No pushing or throwing though

Any many a time I have called my OH something vile under my breathe and completely meant it

0MrsP why would we lie about it? It's an anonymous forum so there's no point in telling lies. We just don't argue or raise our voices. I call him a twat sometimes when we're joking around but I'd never call him a name in anger.

Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?

Argues - very occasionally, but in a fairly civilised manner. Screams, throws things, pushes...mmm... nope. Not in any relationship, ever. Anyone who did this to me would be out of the door. And if I were doing it, I'd hope that I would end the relationship and seek counselling.