How tempestuous does your marriage get?

[User1053051066]

Just wondering. Want to know what goes on behind closed doors. How much do you put up with? What's acceptable?
I think sometimes I do look through rose tinted glasses but sometimes I think one shouldn't put up with anything other than "nice". Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?
Don't want my kids to think it's normal though.

*Wow, all these perfect relationships, how lovely!
It's not always perfect, we gave stresses but never argue. Whether that is a god thing or not is debatable maybe but on a day to day basis we haven't got anything to fall out over.

Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?
I'm not saying we've never argued in 30 years together, but the rest of it, not once!!!

I don't really believe anyone who says they don't

Believe what you like. Personally I don't believe the majority of married couples scream at each other and call each other names. However, I can see that someone who does have that kind of marriage might make themselves feel better by convincing themselves that everybody else does too.

Oh god, you're my neighbour aren't you...

No, it's not normal to scream, shout or push people around. It's unhealthy and wrong. And it's not just your children suffering from the god awful example you're setting them about how to deal with conflict in relationships, it's anyone who has to listen to the fucking racket and explain to their own children why we don't use horrible language like to anyone, least of all people we're meant to love!

Stay in a toxic relationship if you want to but don't pretend it's normal or try and get other people to validate it.

Some of us have standards of common decency we expect from the people we spend time with 0MrsP. If that's not the case for you I'm sorry for you but don't project your crap relationship onto the rest of us.

I lose my shit and shout from time to time.. I don't really believe anyone who says they don't.

So you do it at work? To your kids? Friends? Parents and other family?

Or just with your OH?

No screaming, pushing or throwing here. Occasionally we'll have a heated argument that hits its peak with grumping off and light sulking.

We don’t really argue and never yell- which I appreciate because I grew up in quite a aggressive household and I don’t cope well with yelling. We’ve never called each other names in anger either.

If we’re both tired we’ll sometimes get a bit snarky at each other. I think the worst was when I was 6 months pregnant and spent ages wrapping the Christmas presents for our families and didn’t think he was admiring enough of my handiwork I fumed quietly for ages and eventually broke down sobbing “I spent ages on those ribbons!”

DH and I can get extremely narky with each other, not very often and usually when overtired and usually over different parenting styles/approaches. We used to get very firey with each other the first few years of our relationship but it never gets/got physical. Doors have been slammed and things banged down but that's as bad as it has been. I think these days we know one another's boundaries more but also we can't quite be arsed!

Rarely argue, occasionally disagree/bicker. Don't scream, push etc.

Don't argue let alone the other stuff you mention.

It's not normal

We rarely have an argument but my dh isn't a big fan of confrontation, and he is just a very live-and-let-live person who isn't interested in making me do things his way. My way of expressing myself as an adult (in reaction to an oppressive childhood where I often had to walk on eggshells) is to be very direct, plus I'm in the midst of perimenopause so you can imagine I'm not always easy to live with.

We do not shout, scream, throw things or put our hands on each other in anger, and it isn't a struggle to avoid doing these things. You can express emotion without losing control. I will often (too often lol) say 'I'm so cross' (frustrated, angry, sad, confused etc).

The only relationship I've ever been in where someone 'lost their temper' regularly was an abusive one which ended the first time he hit me, but before that there was a lot of shouting (from him). I think if this happens regularly it means that there is a lack or communication and/or respect, on one or both sides.

OP, you directly contradict yourself by saying 'surely everyone does it', but you don't want your kids thinking it's normal.

It's not normal and deep down you know it.
It's a toxic, violent atmosphere for thoe innocent little people who are soaking up and learning from these unhealthy behaviours.

I don't really believe anyone who says they don't
Hilarious! You haven't a clue who anyone is. I've got nothing to gain or lose by sharing my point of view.

user1053500 you say you don't want your kids to think that screaming, throwing things no pushing is normal. All I can say it is not normal in my world. I've never seen my parents act like that and my kids haven't seen anything like that either. However , eith regard for what is normal, sadly for many families that is their normal lifestyle.
What you should be concentrating on is whether it is acceptable. My opinion is that it is not.

Those in disbelief about couples not arguing, well we hvent got nothing to argue bout and I don't mean that in a flippant way. Kids are teenageand one is in his early 20s so no issues, no money worries, we both have free timand we both enjoy each other's company and make each other laugh.
We keeplife simple and no dramas.

Sorry but it is normal in our house
Nothing wrong with a bit of feistiness
So many balls in the air work wise, high pressure jobs - sometimes one not pulling their weight
Lives are different
I don't judge you so don't judge me
No violence though ever

Paddy1234 what's normal? Screaming, shouting, pushing?

Again, do you do it at work?

And guess what no mental health issues
No bullying or being bullied
Popular, kind children
Amazing tax payers
It's ok to have a good shout and rant and get it over with quickly

riot I had a similar meltdown one Christmas re 'new' Christmas music vs family favourites. Dh put on Sufjan Stevens (his gift to me) and I wanted to hear Elvis but didn't want to hurt his feelings.

I work from home and Yes I would tell my chairman if he has out in the system a load of bollocks
My language can be awful but then I have to deal with some nightmare situations

I said no pushing, nothing physical
Please read

What the hell has tax paying to do with it?

What's an amazing tax payer?

Fair, I was a kind and popular kid. People thought I had a perfect life. My mum and dad screaming and shouting impacted me heavily. I am now no contact with them because their drama is exhausting.

They were also tax payers

I don’t think my husband and I have ever raised our voices at each other. He’s the most even tempered person I know. I occasionally get in a strop (if I’m knackered or hormonal) but it never lasts long.

My dad was an angry, difficult man when I was growing up (he’s still quite grumpy, but he’s mellowed with age) and I am so grateful that I didn’t marry or have children with someone like that.

I said no pushing, nothing physical.Please read

I did read. You said nothing physical but your opening statement was 'it's normal'. How can the ops list be normal?

Demonstrating that I am a valued member of society
Leave it there - until you have a concept of my life and job then you will not realise

I work from home and Yes I would tell my chairman if he has out in the system a load of bollocks

You scream and shout at him?

Very professional