How tempestuous does your marriage get?

[User1053051066]

Just wondering. Want to know what goes on behind closed doors. How much do you put up with? What's acceptable?
I think sometimes I do look through rose tinted glasses but sometimes I think one shouldn't put up with anything other than "nice". Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?
Don't want my kids to think it's normal though.

We have at most had slightly raised voices and tension in the air. One or two slammed doors. The odd mood/grudge but never anything that has spilled into the next day. Mostly we agree to disagree and then work something out.

Known him 20 years.

My dp can't seem to have a conversation about what is bothering him and goes from normal to red shouty rage-man in a second. We used to have some himdingers of arguments but now I won't put up with it and as soon as he starts, I refuse to continue with the "conversation" and walk away. It does lead to things not being resolved mind you.

To add I absolutely never ‘lose my temper’ at work and I have a stressful job.

I suppose my young kids push my buttons the most and I end up raising my voice to them but I am not an angry mum just an exasperated one.

We’re neither of us above a brief shout occasionally, not screaming but definitely raising our voice (usually him but last time it was me). It’s always followed by an apology and a more civil discussion of whatever the issue was though. I absolutely hate shouting which makes it worse when I do it, so we keep working on finding better ways to communicate and to be fair, we are usually pretty good at it.

Never any pushing or throwing things though.

My husband and I rarely argued before having kids but since then my hormones basically went all over the place and I have been known to bang things, shout and scream (not with kids in the house I might add) and have even had to leave the house in anger and wanted to kick him out too.

However, I am in no doubt that the pill/contraceptives were to blame as since being off them and just tracking my fertile days, I'm like a different person. Get a bit of PMT still and grumpy when I'm tired but don't have the same rage I had when on the pill.

It's extremely rare we argue. Sometimes we nark each other off, but we get over it quickly.

Yes but no pushing or shoving, we work together and I think that doesn't help. Had some enormous ding dongs a couple of years ago after I found out about an old emotional affair , it's the only time I called him a see you next Tuesday and I'm not proud of that

Never physical but terrible rows - screaming and shouting

Only in the last few years - going through infertility and my husband has a fear of having children.

Add in a huge amount of artificial hormones, IVF, costs, to my grief at being unable to conceive and his fears and you've got a pretty explosive combination.

I try to stay calm but I see red very quickly. He's on a very short fuse too. Desperate for us to communicate more effectively - we need to go back to therapy together.

We have some humdingers, with shouting and gesticulating, but never any pushing or throwing. Have been together 20 years. I generally have a very long fuse, but when I lose my temper, i really do get cross and shout. But I very quickly get over it afterwards.

I don’t ever have an argument with my husband. I haven’t ever screamed/shouted/thrown stuff and neither has he. Why would you treat someone you love in such a way?

We bicker if we're tired and when we disagree one of us might get a bit sweary or stomp off to another room. But then whoever it was comes back, apologises for being a dick and we discuss things. No screaming, name-calling, throwing things or pushing. Ever.

We sometimes bicker, rarely ever argue and none of the other stuff. That's not healthy at all and yes, it will affect your children unfortunately.

We've shouted at each other... never pushed each other in anger or anything like that... we've certainly sworn at each other!
I threw a glass at the wall once but it wasnt during an argument and no one else was in the house at the time. I was very stressed at the time due to several different things... I just had a cry and cleaned it up before anyone got home.

Physical violence is a big line for me. I'm quite a sweary person so I dont find being sworn at that big of a deal tbh... maybe I would if it were constant or part of a really nasty personal comment.
I'd be out the door straight away if my husband ever pushed me or threw something at me.
But I do think sometimes people swear during arguments... I can forgive him for that... I do that too! And we love each other very much. At no point has our marriage been on the rocks.

I grew up as an only child in a house with plenty of DV. When I was 15 the police (attending an incident at our house) recommended that I stay elsewhere for a while, I went to stay with my boyfriend and his religious family and my boyfriend began to physically assault me, I was easy pickings as my family were so preoccupied with their own problems.

Early in my relationship with DH (21+) I was quite argumentative and screamy as I simply did not understand that there was another way of handling things..I was very conditioned. I was in fight or flight mode with every small disagreement as I was so used to violence. I was not violent but would be loud and snappy if I felt I was being criticised.

Over the years I have read a lot of books and had a bit of therapy, spent a whole lot of time talking things through with my DH.. and now I'm in my mid 30s and for the last 10+ years we very rarely argue at all. There will be the occasional whinge over housework but never an argument. We maybe raise our voice momentarily in a snappy way but this is probably twice a year. Never call names or get physical, never even get close to anything like that.

Me and DH can argue a lot, mostly me losing my temper over things that drive me mad. I’ll shout and bawl and maybe stamp about but we have never pushed each other. Maybe i’ve thrown things but only when he’s left the room and I’ve maybe thrown a pillow or something.

We argue in front of the dc’s. I thing it’s good to show them that everyone disagrees but it never gets violent.

We can end up shouting
DH is working on it and made huge improvements over last 7 years. He finds it difficult to express himself effectively with words.
No screaming
No pushing
No throwing

No. Wee playfully bicker a lot, but hardly argue. I can count one hand in all the years we've been married(which is well over a decade) that we had a full on argument where there was no violence of any kind (hitting, slapping, punching walls, kicking doors, throwing things, no insults, name caliing, shouting etc) We talk everything out until it is settled. As long as it takes. Even if it takes hours. We state our case calmly and take turns letting the other one speak. Whoever feels they were wrong apologizes. Apology is then accepted and not brought up again.

Easily, the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. It is truly a miracle I met him.

We very rarely shout and scream, but that's not to say we have never fallen out.
Things used to be more tempestuous when we had young DC and life was more stressful, but even then it was more along the lines of getting in a grump and having a sulk for a few hours rather than full on shouting matches. When we occasionally did have a major fight it wasn't in front of the DC, it's not healthy for them to see grown adults unable to control themselves.

We shout and occasionally swear. I'd say we were both a bit volatile, but no pushing or throwing....nothing physical. I'd love to be a calmer serene person, but struggle with it! However, a lot of the passive aggressive behaviour on this thread would upset me - eye-rolling, silent treatment etc. I'm of the 'better out than in' mentality.

I can get quite shouty. It's the thing I like least in myself. My parents were very loud arguers and it's taken my til now to realise thats not the norm really. I'm trying hard to be less quick to temper. DP is very laid back and that helps.

We disagree occasionally. Never raise our voices to each other, never push and never throw things. I don't think any of that is acceptable in a relationship from either side. When we disagree we discuss the issue. I can never understand why people actually think it's OK to shout at your partner/husband/wife etc. It's incredibly disrespectful.

Married 30 years & never shout or raise our voices or swear at each other, in the early days of married life I used to cry over petty issues but I ‘ve never lost my temper with DH. I might very occasionally swear under my breath but I think we’ve both just learned to accept each other’s ‘habits’ and don’t see the point of arguing, neither of us is going to change. There are a quite a few issues we don’t agree on, politics for example but we know we aren’t going to change each other’s minds so what’s the point of arguing? .

I do get extremely exasperated with my teenage DS though & have been known to ‘lose it’ due to frustration over normal teenage behaviour.

It can be quite healthy to have the odd disagreement with your DH/DP though, so long as it is healthy & respectful. Most of the time I just can’t be bothered, it’s not as though we are blissfully happy & still desperately in love .

Yes we argue, raised voices sometimes

DH is more shouty than me at the DC and I don't like it, trying to change that

Name calling/swearing - only on a couple of awful occasions and not in front of DC

Throwing/pushing - no!
Anything physical is not normal and demeaning comments are not either