How tempestuous does your marriage get?

[User1053051066]

Just wondering. Want to know what goes on behind closed doors. How much do you put up with? What's acceptable?
I think sometimes I do look through rose tinted glasses but sometimes I think one shouldn't put up with anything other than "nice". Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?
Don't want my kids to think it's normal though.

Let's say we probably wouldn't be friends in the real world 😂

Scream, throw things, push, call each other names? No.

We argue occasionally. We raise our voices sometimes, but that’s about it. We always resolve it.

None of the behaviour you mentioned is ok or normal and shouldn’t be seen as normal to your children as they will grow up copying that behaviour.

We argue, I think everyone does. I would be worried if we never argued because I think it's natural to disagree and get a bit yet by with someone you spend so much time with.

However we have never called each other names, never pushed, thrown things or screamed at each other. Im not sure we've ever actually been properly angry with each other. Annoyed or frustrated yes but angry not really. I suppose we have raised voice but it's not really shouting.

I do lose my temper quite easily, dp is very level and calm and this can make it worse because he apptoaches everything so frustratingly rationally whilst I can be quite emotional but I would never ever call DP names or hurt him. I just get teary and a bit flappy I suppose. It's really not okay to scream, push, name call, throw things etc.

I have worked there for 20 years and yes sometimes have to sort out the crap set out by others
It can take months sorting it out. Weekends/days of MY hard work. So yes, when you are the only person in a company of 3k employees -Ij think
I have a right to lose the plot. But they know I do, I will then work to put it right. It's a 30 min rant and I am on it.

We disagree. Argue, rarely. Scream/shout/push/throw never. Literally not once in all the years we’ve been together. I lose my temper occasionally but lean more toward the huffy...DH it would appear has no temper to lose, he’s a very calm man.
I was in one of those tempestuous relationships prior to DH and it was hell. I wouldn’t stay married to someone who picked fights, got shouty, or threw things at me.

We're generally very harmonious but have had the odd blazing row over the years. Usually over as quickly as they flared up, over something stupid when we've both been on edge/stressed at the same time! Yes to shouting but no insults or physical stuff - no matter how fiery I feel I wouldn't put my hands on my husband because I'd never allow him to do it to me.

I doubt anyone's relationship is 'perfect', but we don't shout, swear or push. DP told me to f-off once in the early days of our relationship, was told that was unacceptable and has never done it since. We sometimes bicker and sulk, but never so badly we couldn't ask each other to pass the salt 5 minutes later.

I have shouted at DChild but have made a conscious effort to stop that and always walk away (unless they're doing something dangerous) for the reasons outlined by previous posters. I wouldn't want them to be scared of me or to feel that their home wasn't their sanctuary or that it's ok for someone bigger to dominate them.

the odd screaming match happens but never anything physical, name calling to an extent but we always de-escalate afterwards and talk through what was said and why and its been working perfectly fine for 7 years, no kids though

No, we don’t argue, shout or push (that behavior is NOT normal!)we talk but we rarely disagree to be honest. 13 years together so we must be doing something right so far.

I left my very tempestuous relationship because it was setting such an awful example for my young dc. We're all 100% happier. I would never again put up with the behaviour I allowed for a good few years

“Surely everyone argues? Screams? Throws things? Pushes?“

Nope. Not far off 40 years unmarried here and the occasional argument but no screaming, throwing things or pushing. Do not let your children grow up thinking this is normal.

We argue lots but laugh more. Often our arguments and up with us laughing and they are always over stupid things like dishwasher or putting bins out. Never push though, never scream. Maybe one argument years ago did we raise our voices (Well I did, dh didn't). If you're being pushed around then that isn't normal xxx

Paddy1234 no we wouldn't. Nor would we be work colleagues.

I am run change in HR for the UK arm of one world's biggest companies. It has 140000 employees in the UK. I am a higher rate tax payer

If You lost the plot with me or any of the people that I work with, you wouldn't like my reaction.

I don't lose the plot at work. But i eoukd make sure that you didnt do it again. No one has the right to. No matter how long they have been their. It's unprofessional.

Our CEO doesn't even lose his shit.

It's not acceptable behaviour and no one should have to accept it in the home or work place.

We disagree but never shouting, hitting or name calling. Also no door slamming, breaking things etc. He knows I'm upset because I go into myself, it's just what I do until I can tell him what's wrong. We're both good communicators

I would hope you were not only the higher rate payer, I would hope you were the highest.
And don't worry I am in constant contact with HR and have never been called out.
Purely because I look after and value my team - of which no one has ever left in 15 years. I deal with all the crap. I have a great chairman but he knows that I will go above and beyond anyone else. When lives are at risk sometimes a good old rant and telling how it is gets it sorted.
PS you can't shout and rant if you can't cover yourself by installing the best possible system to stop any errors happening again.
I am feisty, foul mouthed sometimes but I can absolutely assure you that this is because I completely believe I have a duty of care that needs to be delivered.

We rarely argue maybe once or twice per year, we have shouted at each other when we have .

We disagree sometimes. Not a lot. Never scream, throw things or push. Never experienced this in any relationship. I would not be able to be with someone who thought such behaviour was ok.

Of course we argue and fall out but nope we don’t scream push or throw anything I pity your children

This thread has made me realise I've never experienced a normal relationship in my entire life

We argue occasionally. Bit past it really. Never any violence, I'd be out the door if so. Still on the verge or divorce though, the feeling is very mutual. Same old story, together for the kids.

We very rarely disagree, have never had a proper argument (neither of use are argumentative types, we’ll agree to disagree) and neither of us has ever raised our voice at the other in 7 years. If he screamed, threw something at me or shoved me I would be straight out the door, that is not normal or acceptable at all.

Purely because I look after and value my team - of which no one has ever left in 15 years. I deal with all the crap

So you manage to not shout and scream at them?

No, nastiness at work is never acceptable.

We've been together 8 years MrsOP and we've never shouted or name called. I'm not lying or trying to sound perfect.

We get grumpy and bicker. No shouting, no pushing.

My parents were very argumentative and would raise voices (not what I'd call shouting) but never anything physical.

We're generally like smitten teenagers and very respectful of each other but maybe have one quite shouty argument every six months but never anything physical, that would be a deal breaker for me.