Sex help!! Do I turn him off?? TMI

[Sherah88]

Right, I’m going out of my mind thinking he doesn’t find me attractive anymore, he’s 31, and keeps losing his erection during sex. To the point he has to pull out, get himself hard again, and try again. I’m thinking all sort of things. When he’s getting to reach climax, he doesn’t open his eyes, he doesn’t look at me during sex much at all. He told me in his past relationship (there was a considerable age gap him being younger) that he had to think of something else as things were that bad. I am certainly not shy in the bedroom, im 3 years older than him and I’m 2 months pregnant now with his child (this also happened before I was pregnant) and I’m thinking the worst things, he’s going to cheat etc. We had sex a couple of weeks ago and I fell asleep after (both had Been satisfied) but an hour and a half later I woke up to him watching porn in bed next to me. I of course went mad and did ask why and if I aren’t enough for him (yeah I get everyone watches porn but time and a place) I’m not a woman who is pathetic or nags, hence why I’m asking you all for advice! Help!

It’s the porn I bet.

Not everyone watches porn, OP!

Sorry, but I honestly don’t know what else it could be except the porn.

Yep I’ll bet it’s the porn too and now he finds it hard to get turned on by normal sex.

Warped his reality of normal sex? Just not doing it for him you think?

He’s at work all day today, I’m off and I’m going to be stewing on it all day. He’s not the best with face to face awkward conversations. Do I txt him get this out? What do I say?

I’m scared to create even more issues

Don’t text him, that’s the worst thing you could do. He’s at work.

The porn, and his unkind words about sex with his ex girlfriend, imply that he has a warped view of real-life sex. It's nothing you've done wrong OP.

It’s the porn OP. He goes and gets help or he’s out.

Yeah I know what you’re saying. How should I approach it or do I leave it? I’m finding myself beginning distant because I’ve just had enough of it all and I don’t want to play the pregnancy card but my emotions are a mess. He honestly makes me feel like an ogre with this

It's the death grip.

That’s like you’ve just switched a light on for me there

Has he seen GP?

It could be psychological of course, but a medical cause should be ruled out.

Either way seeing the GP can signpost the correct service to help.

Good luck OP and please don’t think you are the issue. Many congrats on your pregnancy

All those things you’ve said are totally abnormal! And it’s a bit worrying that you’re scared to talk to him face to face. It’s a really sensitive subject but he’s ruining your relationship and is probably a porn addict. He needs to accept this and get help to move on. I wouldn’t be wanting to bring a child up with a porn addict tbh.

If it was left to me I’d be screenshooting the google story I’ve just found about them and sending it him

yep death grip

You need to have a face to face, calm, adult conversation about this. Try to take out the emotion of thinking it's you as the problem and understand what the root cause is.

if it is the porn - it's a addiction just like gambling or alcohol and he'll need help. Only you can decide if you're willing to support him through that for the sake of your relationship.

I can’t explain how low I feel. I aren’t even sure if he’s got a porn addiction. When I woke to him doing that it was the first time it had happened (or it was just the first time I’d woke up and seen it) I’ve seen a few things on his phone before. I just don’t know what to do

Do it, send him the story with a 'Now I get it' comment.

It is the porn and mastabation. He has become so used to coming in a particular way that he finds it difficult to come with vaginal stimulation alone as it isn’t under his control.

I assume you want to stay in a relationship with him and that you love him. So you want to sort this out constructively. That won’t happen if you start blaming him or yourself. Nor will text messages sort it out.

He has erectile dysfunction. That is causing him to lose his erection and then resort to more physical methods to get a sexual release. There are many causes. Stress and an unhealthy lifestyle are usually the problem but it might be psychological. There are medical ways to treat a loss of erection but he should also look at his lifestyle.

The fact that the medication for this condition is widely used tells you it’s far from a unique problem. He can go see a doctor to get himself checked out to eliminate long term conditions or hormone imbalances.
Stress or depression could be a big factor.

I understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry if I’m naive by saying this as I don’t know too much about it but he wakes through the night and in the morning seemingly all happy downstairs with an erection. Would this still happen then? He has at least 50/60% less erections than previous relationships I’ve had (I woulD NEVER say that to him) he’s also difficult to bring to an erection

Yep, death grip. Yet another way in which porn is damaging to women (as well as men in this case), it's alarmingly common now and it's made you question yourself. He needs to sort it out.

I agree with Lemon, I think it's far more likely that he has an erectile problem than that you are turning him off. He's probably worried sick that he's not enough to satisfy you, and that pressure isn't good for your sex life. You need to have a conversation about this very common problem, and possibly get him to a doctor - there can be medical causes. It can be a devastating thing for male self-confidence, so you need to be able to discuss this in a supportive way.

I’m pregnant with his first child, and I’ve mever felt so unattractive. Even though I look after myself and try to look my best. He even has friends (he’s a builder) who joke with him about taking me off him so I know I’m not that bad 😔 the problem has been coming for a while. When I look back at sex a year ago to sex now it’s conoketeky different. Early sex life to now is a different story and it’s only been 18 months.