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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex help!! Do I turn him off?? TMI

125 replies

Sherah88 · 19/02/2019 07:53

Right, I’m going out of my mind thinking he doesn’t find me attractive anymore, he’s 31, and keeps losing his erection during sex. To the point he has to pull out, get himself hard again, and try again. I’m thinking all sort of things. When he’s getting to reach climax, he doesn’t open his eyes, he doesn’t look at me during sex much at all. He told me in his past relationship (there was a considerable age gap him being younger) that he had to think of something else as things were that bad. I am certainly not shy in the bedroom, im 3 years older than him and I’m 2 months pregnant now with his child (this also happened before I was pregnant) and I’m thinking the worst things, he’s going to cheat etc. We had sex a couple of weeks ago and I fell asleep after (both had Been satisfied) but an hour and a half later I woke up to him watching porn in bed next to me. I of course went mad and did ask why and if I aren’t enough for him (yeah I get everyone watches porn but time and a place) I’m not a woman who is pathetic or nags, hence why I’m asking you all for advice! Help!

OP posts:
Yippeee · 20/02/2019 19:17

I don’t think he should be offering to PM the op to discuss it further. Why can’t it be said on the thread? He’s been explicit enough.

AnyFucker · 20/02/2019 19:32

I wonder if wonchop wanted to share some pictorial representations of his "advice" by private message

HappenstanceMarmite · 20/02/2019 21:02

pork related ED

Best autocorrect EVER

Sherah88 · 20/02/2019 21:09

@Springwalk

Completely agree. You have made me laugh with the pork though 😂
I don't know how I feel about getting him to the doctors. I don't know if I have it in me to go through it. It's like trying to get someone to be attracted to you.
I crave to be appreciated in that way, to be looked at during. I'm so sad. I've got a really high sex drive and I feel I can't do anything now because of this issue. He loved doggy....so do I but maybe so he doesn't have to look me in the face!!

OP posts:
loveskaka · 20/02/2019 21:14

I agree with @wonchop! My partner had a porn addiction and he described it like @wonchop. He also ended up on anti depressants for depression and anxiety. He didn't have the problem that OPs partner has with regards to losing erections or not looking at me etc. Took me 11 yrs for my partner to admit and get help . He said all the stuff OPs partner is saying.

wonchop · 20/02/2019 21:21

Would not want to go through my addiction again as I stated it was over 15 years ago felt I had no control and it was taking over my life I hope this lady sorts him out but is such a shameful subject to discuss , I sure hevwill blame it on her as I wrongly did with my GF

wonchop · 20/02/2019 21:28

Loveskaka
Is you fella now over is addiction on low days i istill find itvdifficult for me not to look at porn but think my age and Mother Nature as sent me in a different direction

loveskaka · 20/02/2019 21:28

Yup like I said my partner managed to convince me for 11yrs!!! That I was crazy,paranoid etc. People dnt understand that an addiction is an addiction where it be porn or drugs.

loveskaka · 20/02/2019 21:38

@wonchop
I hope so! It all came out that same day I found out I was pregnant! I haven't forgiven him or forgotten mainly as he made me out to be crazy! But we are trying. it has definitely changed how I feel, before he was my everything. Now I am a bit tougher and have a few walls up which probs wnt come back dwn ever. With all addictions I am expecting a relapse but it is how he will handle that, that will determine what's the repercussions will be.

wonchop · 20/02/2019 22:22

I understand your rejection to him and I tryed to blame my gf for not being like actors in porn really I was the problem and the bully twat but did not want to admit it , if someone wishes to speak more to me I do not have a problem privately or on here as a male it may help someone ladies understand how damaging this habit is

loveskaka · 21/02/2019 07:07

I dnt think others understand until it happens to them.

Sherah88 · 21/02/2019 07:53

@wonchop
You blamed your girlfriend for not being like the actors in the porn? I'm presuming then that you had her screaming for the hills and swinging off the lampshades with your own porn resembling acting skills!!??

OP posts:
Sherah88 · 21/02/2019 07:57

Long story short..... If he has a porn addiction or so called death grip syndrome, he's out. No questions no "helping him through it" 🤮 gone, out. Pregnant or not pregnant, love him or not. It takes a certain kind of woman to stand for that shit, that woman's certainly not me.
If this is medical erectile disfunction, then I'd stay and be as supportive as I can to a GENUINE medical issue

OP posts:
wonchop · 21/02/2019 08:24

Chandeliers to hard to clean , i just expected her to do 180 degree yoga and last 3 hours lol
Hopefully you slept ok and are not to stressed

CircleofWillis · 21/02/2019 11:21

Sherah88, I don’t think I am ‘that kind of woman’ either and it took infertility and our desperate desire for a child for my DH to address his difficulties. They were slightly different in that he didn’t lose his erection but simply couldn’t come with piv intercourse. His sperm count was also very low unless he refrained from at least daily masturbation. He was motivated to drastically reduce the frequency of his sessions which eventually had an effect on the other difficulties.

AvocadoYUK · 21/02/2019 18:41

It sounds like you have a plan of action, but have you actually talked to him about it? X

Closetbeanmuncher · 21/02/2019 19:29

Wonchop swinging from the chandeliers?

I doubt that very much @sherah88, 75% of his sexual performance was probably spent furiously beating it trying to get it to stay up, and the other 25% telling his gf how shit she was because he couldn't 😂

Closetbeanmuncher · 21/02/2019 19:31

Well done for addressing the problem though @wonchop

*Respectfully nods

wonchop · 21/02/2019 19:46

Closetbeanmuncher
True I wasted way to much time playing with myself and looking at porn 15 years ago
Thankfully now history

Sherah88 · 21/02/2019 19:53

@Closetbeanmuncher 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Sherah88 · 21/02/2019 19:54

@Closetbeanmuncher made my day that has 😂

OP posts:
Sherah88 · 21/02/2019 19:56

@AvocadoYUK
I sort of jokingly told him he was addicted to porn. He was genuinely shocked and said why. Other than that no. So in a nutshell I'm beating myself up about it in my own head, not speaking to him about anything and not really wanting much do with him.....

OP posts:
altiara · 21/02/2019 20:00

I don’t think your sex life is going to get any better than it currently is (probably worse) so how do you want to spend the next 20 years?
If I could redo the last 20 years, let me tell you - I wouldn’t choose crap sex again.

Prinstress · 25/02/2019 22:30

How’s it going Sherah?

Sherah88 · 26/02/2019 07:21

@Prinstress
Pretty awful Hun. Same things going on (except the porn) I'm distant because of it, I don't instigate anything anymore. It's a bit of a car crash. I've mentioned things and been brushed off. Just don't know what to do

OP posts:
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