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Original poster

drinking all weekend every weekend.

113 replies

tma1968 · 17/02/2019 22:20

ive been with my DH for almost 17 years. he was a drinker when i met him and thats never changed. we both like a drink so im not claiming to be teetotal or anything but i drink when i feel the urge not because its the weekend. we have a great life and want for nothing. he works hard and so his way of rewarding himself for working hard all week is to drink lager all weekend. it will start friday normally (sometimes thursday if the rugby is on) as soon as he comes home so say 5pm. he will buy 8 pint cans (it used to be the smaller cans but he's swapped now to the bigger ones) but will probably not drink them all as hes tired from work and will fall asleep on the couch. on saturday he will buy 8 more and drink those as well as the others left over from the night before, he always starts at 2pm and will usually fall asleep on the couch again. on sunday he will buy 8 more and start them at 2pm and drink all those. he might slur his words a bit after 6/7 cans but he isnt aggressive or a nuisance, he's fine. if i want us to go somewhere he will hold off till we get home but i always have to drive if theres drink available. we cant go for a day out with our 2 kids without him having a drink even if its just one. he can never just have a coke. he never ever doesnt drink on one of the days at the weekend and only doesnt drink every night of the week because i wont let him. i absolutely draw the line there. if we have a night out and he's hungover ive known him to have hair of the dog at 11am. and on all inclusive holidays he drinks 12 hours a day for 14 days solid. we have had more than one argument about this but he doesnt think that he's doing anything wrong and besides the amount he's pouring down his neck he doesnt do anything wrong. he can do dry january no problem and i know he could stop if he wanted to he just doesnt want to. so my question is am i just being a nag? is his drinking excessive? am i wrong to expect him to change when he was always a drinker in the beginning? the noise of the can opening makes my flesh crawl. is he an alcoholic or just a creature of habit?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 17/02/2019 22:21

I think you know the answer

GertrudeCB · 17/02/2019 22:23

I also think you know the answer.

LovingLola · 17/02/2019 22:23

He’s an alcoholic.
The question facing you is what can you do ?

Hazlenutpie · 17/02/2019 22:24

He has a problem with alcohol.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2019 22:25

He is an alcoholic

What was your question again ?

EhlanaOfElenia · 17/02/2019 22:26

He's an alcohol abuser. He may not be physically addicted (ie getting the shakes if he doesn't get alcohol) but he's emotionally addicted.

HollowTalk · 17/02/2019 22:29

It might be easier for you if you don't think of "alcoholic" and think of him being unhealthily dependent on alcohol. It can be very hard for people to accept they or their friends/family are alcoholic.

Original poster
tma1968 · 17/02/2019 22:31

i literally breathed a sigh of relief reading your answers. i think he has a problem too but he assures me he hasnt....but lovinglola you are dead right. what exactly do i do about it? hes a good dad (not great because he devotes far more time to drinking than he ever does to doing things with them, but i make double sure they go everywhere and do everything, they do not miss out) and they love him. our home is a happy one, we laugh a lot. i just wish with all my heart that he drank less i just dont know how to make it happen.

OP posts:
newyeardontcare · 17/02/2019 22:32

Maybe he's miserable. Or maybe he just LIKES drinking. Maybe he's insecure without it. He's not violent, or pissing in the sink drunk. So, Maybe lighten up on him?

Why not get him a copy of the Annie Grace book - This naked mind. This will let him decide if his drinking is a problem, if he wants to stop, needs to stop, and/or why he drinks.

Cornish83 · 17/02/2019 22:34

His poor liver! that is a lot of alcohol.

PixieDust20 · 17/02/2019 22:35

I don't think he's an alcoholic otherwise he'd be needing it everyday... Hmm he binges over the weekend maybe a bit much but I wouldn't personally say he's an alcoholic. I mean look at all the young adults/teens binging at the weekend they don't get classed as an alcoholic x

ineedaholidaynow · 17/02/2019 22:37

How old are your DC?

Is he happy for them to see him drinking all the time at the weekend?

Original poster
tma1968 · 17/02/2019 22:38

newyeardontcare i do feel like a nag and i will look for that book, he wont read it because he hates reading but i will. and what you said is right, he simply likes lager. and in all things in his life hes a creature of habit. his dad is the same but not with drink. just very set in their routines. hence the 2pm start, i cant set my clock by him its ridiculous.

OP posts:
Ribbonsonabox · 17/02/2019 22:39

I'm not sure he does have a problem... its certainly unhealthy yes.. I think it will eventually take its toll... but I d9nt think it sounds like an addiction, I think it sounds like he just likes to drink and doesn't think too much of the health consequences...
I'm not sure what you should do as I agree with you, I'm not a big drinker and I wouldn't like my husband doing this.... I'd know it would probably shorten his lifespan even if it wasnt actually effecting his behaviour and ability to function right now..
But then he is a grown man and does have a right to spend his free time and money doing whatever it is he enjoys... as it's not actually effecting his behaviour, his ability to keep to commitments or his job... then I'm not sure what you should do....
And especially if hes always been like this and you knew when you got together...
It's a difficult one.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 17/02/2019 22:39

I would suggest he visits his GP for a liver function test and a chat about his drinking.

spinabifidamom · 17/02/2019 22:41

I think you know what you have to do.

Original poster
tma1968 · 17/02/2019 22:41

our kids are 9 and 13. he doesnt think that hes doing any harm drinking around them and tbh it doesnt seem to worry them. to them its just dad and hes rarely drunk. hes a very quiet drinker. i suppose when they are older they will let us know whether it bothered them or not.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 17/02/2019 22:43

You can be very sure this is having an impact on your children. Do not minimise that.
Ask him to think about how much and how often he drinks. Ask him to reduce his drinking. His answers will tell you a lot .

newyeardontcare · 17/02/2019 22:43

She does podcasts too

The book helps you discover why you drink - if you can persuade him to read it, it can help deprogram him - if that's what HE chooses.

Nagging will only make it worse. He will not stop until it is a problem/realisation for HIM.

LovingLola · 17/02/2019 22:48

At the very least he appears to be drinking 24 pints per week. Depending on the strength of what he drinks that is between 48 and 72 units of alcohol. Which is way over the guidelines. Add in the binge element and that’s another risk factor.
Your holidays must be a barrel of laughs if he spends all day every day drinking.

Original poster
tma1968 · 17/02/2019 22:48

his liver function is fine, his weight is fine and he can stop because he has lots of times for dry january. im sure that he will continue to drink the same amount because its his routine. he can stop altogether but he cant cut down....or certainly he doesnt want to. its very difficult when hes not actually doing anything wrong. its his reward and he sees no harm in that. also i have spirits and wine in the cupboard and he never touches them, once the cans are drank thats it.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 17/02/2019 22:52

It sounds grim. How is your sex life? Does he care that it bothers you ?

newyeardontcare · 17/02/2019 22:54

Also - a word of warning. If you ask him why he drinks you need to be prepared to not like some of his answers :-(

ineedaholidaynow · 17/02/2019 22:54

So does he do much with the DC over the weekend? He obviously can't drive them anywhere. Do they do activities, does he go with them then?

DH had a relative, by marriage, who had similar drinking habits. Wasn't allowed to drink during the week, was allowed to drink at weekends and holidays. I always found it quite strange, when they came to stay with us, to watch someone continuously opening cans of drink all day, especially when no-one else was drinking all the time. I very rarely saw them sober. He then got ill and stopped drinking for a while as interfered with medication, I saw a completely different person, someone you could have a proper conversation with and much more alert. Relatives are now divorced so don't see this person anymore.

I am sure your children notice.

Original poster
tma1968 · 17/02/2019 22:55

lovinglola the drinking on holiday irritates the life out of me but again, he doesnt get drunk, he's slow and steady. and best dad in the world on holiday. i dont move off the lounger. he really does his bit...he just starts with the lager after breakfast! if we went on a trip he would hold off but if we are round that pool bar then thats where he'd be. it can never be a coke. its so hard because hes a good husband besides this.

OP posts:
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