Heartbroken

[hemcurt]

My twins are nearly 1 and I'm disappointed with my parents. They've not stepped up and I am heartbroken. I ask them to babysit once in a while and they do but it's always like it's too much effort/tinged with - but don't be late (I would never ever take the piss- quite the opposite) but they make me feel like I would take the piss - like it's all too much.

Maybe they are intimidated by twins and aren't confidence but I'm sorry I was petrified when I found out I was going to be a first time parent to twins. I have no patience for my parents (who are supposed to be older, wiser and more confident than me) to say that they are scared - it's cowardly.

Maybe count your blessings, op. Your children are lucky enough to have 2 sets of grandparents. My DCs don't, & no, I don't need a medal, thank you.

You come on here for support and most of you have told me how hard your lives are as a comparison , also how I should
Grow up and suck it up. I stood up for myself and I get called nasty.

It's not a counselling service is it!? It's a competition about how hard someone's life is.

Well you tend to find to elicit the response you deserve on here.

For future reference, when people share their own experiences with you, they are generally empathising with you and the correct response is also one of empathy.

You're right, it's not a counselling service. Nor is it a competition. But no one here is obliged to "poor you, hun" either.

You didn't stand up for yourself, you were rude and hostile.

I agree with whoever said that, if this is how you conduct yourself in real life, then it might go some way to explain why you don't get the support you feel you deserve in real life either.

Oh, and for clarity, I wasn't empathising. I was merely pointing out that you're behaving like a spoilt brat who would do well to appreciate the support you do have rather than complaining that people don't do more.

And one more for the road, "you catch more flies with honey than with vingar" (that means if you want people to respond to you kindly, you have to speak kindly to them also. Hth)

I posted and was immediately shot down. Everyone on here is grown up , frazzled , bitter.

They weren't empathising they were saying that they had it worse.

Yes ok maybe I should stop focusing on the negative. But saying someone has it worse or that I should just suck it up and not be upset is just harsh.

Here here plum very eloquently put.

I'm a bit of a dick on here at times but own my dickishness & apologise. Maybe the op could take bit of time out to think....

Ganging up now? Goodnight guys I'm off to get a life.

I get what your saying OP. My mum is the same although she has got better as they have got older hope it’s the same for you! X

On MN it's tantamount to being a monster to expect anything from your parents.

I get you OP. When I had my babies my parents dropped everything to be there for me.

I'm sorry yours aren't stepping up as you hoped. It must be so so hard with twins.

Thanks letlose

Thanks damn

Grow up I’ve never read anything like it

Don't have kids if you are expecting other people to help look after them?

Sorry but you aren't entitled to have your parents babysit, for free too might I add. It's nice if they offer, but they don't have to do it. Plus twins are hard. You didnt expect to have twins, but it's a risk you take getting pregnant. Could have had triplets etc.

My family used to like trying to force me to babysit my own cousins so that they could go out drinking. On my own holiday too. I told them to no and pay for a babysitter, or remember that they wanted their kids, I didn't want them.

Goodnight guys I'm off to get a life.

Good idea. Step away and maybe things will look better in the morning.

...oh.

People have empathised, op. They have shared their experiences so that you could maybe get some perspective.
You in turn have handed out medals to them. Well done.

They weren't empathising they were saying that they had it worse

Well that's actually because you don't really have a lot to complain about!

There are an awful lot of people who don't get any support at all and an awful lot of people who have to protect their children from their grandparents and an awful lot of people who would love for someone to babysit "once in a while". And those people are just as 'deserving' of help, support and night out as you are. And they live with sadness and hurt because of it (sometimes worse) every day. And they don't deserve that. You don't have any of that to worry about. You just want more.

Your parents don't need to 'step up' - they are your children. There is nothing for them to step up to.

And 'cowardly'? Can you imagine how much support I'd offer to someone who thought I was 'cowardly' for not doing more?

Well I can tell you. It would be the grand total of "fuck all else".

When people put themselves out for you; do you favours; and support you, you are supposed to appreciate it and be grateful. Not demand that they do more and call them names when they don't.

Well this is all a bit hysterical isn't it How dare we compare and contrast situations.

Young babies are hard work. Some people aren't very good with babies (but might be great with toddlers or 5 year olds or even teenagers).
You do sound like you are having a strop. Yes you are tired. Yes twins is massive work, you are probably exhausted.
But your parents even help when asked, but still you complain. It really doesn't sound nice.

I had zero family help with my DC, my parents were dead and ILs were too elderly and too far away (and would have been pretty useless). I both threw money at the problem and had some great friends who helped out from time to time.
None of us is entitled to help from others. But society does work better if there is some give and take.

(And I won't mention how insulting your comments on fat or blind people are.)

My Nan helped my mum, my mum helps me, I will help my DD. It called family support.

My MIL isn't interested, I hope she doesn't expect me to help her in old age.

I think you're probably really tired, OP, and maybe things are slightly out of proportion. I do think people have come down hard on you, but you're not presenting your argument in a particularly sympathetic way. Unfortunately, whilst it would be great to have help from your parents, and it feels shit when they don't offer, they're not obligated. :-(

Have you discussed the way you're feeling with your HV or GP? Does your partner agree with your feelings re: your parents?

Oh dear! :-(

Oh wow, don’t think I’ve seen anything like it.

Defo sound like a spoilt brat - obviously used to getting what you want when you want.

You know you and your DH can go out speerately as well don’t you? You could get a break with your friends, and your DH his, you could go off for the day on your own for a break - this is what the majority of people do when they have kids because no one is obliged to look after your children but you.

I hear you OP.

No wonder you feel defensive with people jumping on you on here.

If I got called a spoilt princess I would defend myself too.

Anyone would think this is AIBU not Relationships

Exactly russian. You open up and people tell you , you havent got anything to complain about. Do any of you have twins to start with?