Heartbroken

[hemcurt]

My twins are nearly 1 and I'm disappointed with my parents. They've not stepped up and I am heartbroken. I ask them to babysit once in a while and they do but it's always like it's too much effort/tinged with - but don't be late (I would never ever take the piss- quite the opposite) but they make me feel like I would take the piss - like it's all too much.

Maybe they are intimidated by twins and aren't confidence but I'm sorry I was petrified when I found out I was going to be a first time parent to twins. I have no patience for my parents (who are supposed to be older, wiser and more confident than me) to say that they are scared - it's cowardly.

Thanks katie

I admit im slightly over reacting

Poor you, OP. I think you're getting rather a lot of stick here. Sounds like you're going through a tough time and need a hand hold.
You can do this!! Can you get support else where (groups, siblings, friends etc?)
If you want to chat, I can PM you. Be good to yourself OP.

Oh grow up OP. Look after your own children like the rest of us have too on our own. We are all frazzled but get on with it.

Thanks toast. Everyone seems to be 'ard here ! Jesus bad lives and not kind to themselves.

If you're there for your parents it's your choice, and doesn't place them under any obligation. If you want to be there for them, great! But do it without strings attached. If their unwillingness to make your life easy is making you re-evaluate your relationship with them, that's ok. Maybe it's time to put a little more space between you.

I haven't had a child free night in 4 years! My mum has 10 grand children! If we all asked for her to baby sit then she would have no time for herself!
Parents have brought up their children, it is their time to enjoy now

I have 3 children, I work full time, I have no spare time! Time to get a grip and be a parent who takes responsibility!
Why do people think they deserve a break from their kids! Deal with it!

Yes library! I think so too

Here's your medal tuna!

I think it’s understandable to be disappointed that they don’t support you in the way you want but you sound contemptuous of them.

I don't need a medal! I'm an adult!
Being a parent is hard! U are heartbroken yet u still have that time away.
You come across like a spoilt brat. I am sure you are not! But, don't complain about your parents saying yes to having your twins on their terms. Accept the answer yes!

Here's your medal tuna!

You're not helping yourself to be seen as a grown up here. How about closing the computer and doing something nice instead?

Op i think you've put this out all wrong.
BUT I think I get what you mean.
Are you saying you're so exhausted and your parents can see that but don't offer any help or support?
Although as many have said they don't have to i can imagine it must be hurtful they don't.

I have a friend who had twins and said if it weren't for her parents and sister she'd never gotten through the first 6 month as she was at breaking point every single day. She was so broken with exhaustion and the constant crying she needed the break (she has a dh). They took her twin several times a week even just for an hour so she could shower, eat or nap in peace. Her twins were HARD work.

So because I know of my friends struggle I sympathise with you.

I think you've not put you op across very well and I get your feeling fragile and a bit defensive. I hope people cut you some slack.

Perhaps not expect them to help but have a chat with your parents and let them know your struggling. Ask them to come over while your there from time to time to help amuse the babies so that you aren't leaving them but the burden is lifted just a bit maybe for a cuppa or something. Then as their confidence grows they might feel better able to offer babt sitting so you can get some proper rest.

Good luck op. I hope you feel better.

OP, my mum made me homeless with a 5 day old baby. Not only did she not offer any support whatsover but she intentionally sabotaged us; she wasn't allowed to babysit because she couldn't be trusted around the children - not that she wanted to anyway. She has no contact now because the LA, rightly, perceived her to be a risk to the children.

You get support from your parents - just not as much as you'd like; they don't want you to take the piss and aren't quite as enthusiastic as you like; and they're babysitting twins under one?

My heart fucking bleeds for you!

Thank you vase - yes
I am feeling like
That. Whenever I opened up to my
Father he always kicked me when I was down /wound me up just to get a reaction.

Oh and I was a single parent. So could actually could have done with some support now and again. I mean, just having someone make me a cup of tea would have been hugely appreciated!

Plum here's your medal too. My heart bleeds for you with children dying in the world. Lets not compare problems
Shall we ? Maybe start your own thread

Why are you being so nasty to posters op?

No need. But you are being a bit of a brat and coming across as a bit of a twat to boot.

Just pointing out that you're actually not doing too badly in the grand scheme of things.

I don't need a medal. And I don't need to start my own thread. I'm a grown up and I just deal with things and get on with them rather than courting the sympathy of strangers.

Why are you being so nasty to posters op?

I think a read of her opening post probably answers that one.

Some people just aren't very nice...

I think if you post on here, you should accept there will be a range of responses, and generally Mnetters do not hold back on their views. Going on the defensive and some of your comments OP will lead us to think you don’t really want to hear our viewpoints.

I guess most of us have had or will have kids, and we will all have different stories - how many, how much we work, whether we have to do it on our own or if we have help, or have abusive partners, or a partner who expects us to do it all...and so on. Yes, it is tough, and yes, ideally it would be great to have a break and have parents willing to babysit their grandkids. Yes, it is disappointing if you feel they could be more involved and they don’t seem to want to be. I get that.

However, that is as far as it goes. Calling them cowardly? Nope. We just get on and do it, and despite how tired we are we do the best we can. And we don’t expect a medal.

Op have you thought it's not your twins your parents are not interested in, but they dislike you?
If you talk to people In RL the way you do In Here, it's no wonder they don't want to spend time with you.

If your dad winds you up it's time to step back. Sounds like the inlaws are more supportive.
I've two under two and neither mine or dh's parents have ever watched ours.
Since my ds1 was born I've had 3 evening's out with dh (not a comparison) thanks to my sil so I know it get gruelling at times.
Maybe set your parents aside and accept they aren't going to help and focus on then positive support you do have.

I have 3 children ranging from 2 - 12 i can count on 1 hand the about of times I've been out with my dh. It's life kids or nights out

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