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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

658 replies

Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 06:35

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do Sad

OP posts:
thebabysmellsofpooagain · 13/02/2019 09:23

OP, call your family, explain the situation and see if they can get you and DD a flight ASAP.

Do not give this man your passports, he could just be trying to lull you in to a false sense of security.

Get the hell out of there ASAP!!

Good luck, and keep us updated if you can, there's a lot of people here now worried about you xx

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:24

Personally I would continue to make plans with him for the weekend, tell him you are having second thoughts about going to the UK, and don’t go to the office to cancel the visa - tell him you are not sure you want to leave.
Then whilst he is at work I would book the first flight home with dd.

Once in the UK everything can be sorted out. You need to be safe

QuaterMiss · 13/02/2019 09:25

C1rrus

So it’s all sorted now.

?

What does this mean?

IncrediblySadToo · 13/02/2019 09:27

I know you love him.

I know you think you know him.

But you don’t. Be sensible. Be safe.

You don’t owe him anything. Nothing.

Just get the hell out. Your DD can have hugs from you and her grandparents and many other people. She needs safety, not a hug from him. You owe him NOTHING especially not your daughters right to a life in the UK. Get out

YetAnotherSpartacus · 13/02/2019 09:27

I don't want to just leave though I feel I owe it to him to get the chance to give our daughter a hug before we go

Get. the. fuck. out. NOW.

juneau · 13/02/2019 09:27

It's good that you're leaving and that you accept that this is not going to work with someone who is so manipulative as to say he'll marry someone else if you leave. I'd just tell him 'Knock yourself out' and get on that plane and go. The ME is no place for women with other choices IMO and no place to raise a girl. Come home. Start again. And bring a copy of that marriage document that you don't understand. You can get it translated and figure out whether it has any legal standing in this country and whether you need to get divorced from this stupid, misogynistic man.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:28

Find some courage for your dd to do this.

Who knows you may stay together, this doesn’t mean the end of your marriage, he may come to his senses and come back too (I am guessing he will) but you can not afford to stay there a minute longer. You would not have imagined him saying he would replace you, so given there is a side to him you haven’t seen before, it is incredibly important that you go to a place of safety. Then you can talk him about the future.

This is not a big goodbye, definitely not, it is simply action you are taking to ensure you and dc are safe and protected.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:30

If your dd was in your place what would you tell her to do?

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 13/02/2019 09:30

Imagine yourself in 5 years, effectively imprisoned and unable to even take your children to meet their grandparents. This could be your reality. The possibility of that is so bad that it really is worth acting on the worst case, even if you don't believe us.

If he is a wonderful, kind, loving man then he will come back to the UK after you and you will work it out in a country where you are safe and have legal rights.

But if he is saying he will marry someone else, he is already showing you he doesn't really care about your feelings other than to control you.

Please, this is a mistake you don't want to make. You may never be able to fix it.

I'm genuinely sick with worry for you.....been pacing around my kitchen and telling my toddlers I'm worried about a lady in another country.

PLEASE LEAVE

Snipples · 13/02/2019 09:31

Cannot echo what blahdeblah and springwatch are saying enough.

namechange1234554321 · 13/02/2019 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:32

We are all worried sick about you.

If I could I would fly straight there and help you home myself.

You can do this.
It is just a flight. One of many.

Go home now

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 13/02/2019 09:32

You need to do this secretly though OP. There is a chance he won't let you leave. Or at the very least, persuade him you've changed your mind and it's only a short holiday... at the last minute he may well try to keep your daughter to ensure you come back if he knows though....

MissionItsPossible · 13/02/2019 09:33

I don't want to just leave though I feel I owe it to him to get the chance to give our daughter a hug before we go.

OP I feel really sorry for you but I just want to give you a shake. LEAVE.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:34

Snipples you are not being helpful. No one cares if you can echo others posts. Op needs support

LavendarBlue · 13/02/2019 09:34

Do you have a credit card, or access to a card or any money at all? I strongly advise you to go today and get on a flight. Nothing else matters. As others have said, hugs can be done from the UK when you are safe. As many hugs as he wants.

Snipples · 13/02/2019 09:35

Are you serious? I am based here. I know the drill. I have offered support and advice that is relevant.

BarbedBloom · 13/02/2019 09:38

I also think you should leave now. Would it be possible he could cancel OPs visa and not the daughters so OP has to leave without her? I don’t know much about this area but I do feel like he has some sort of plan

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 09:38

I have rang the embassy and they said it is better to cancel the visa before I leave if I'm not planning on returning. This can be done at a typing centre then I have to get it stamped at the airport. It can be cancelled after 6 months of me leaving the country otherwise.
I may go with just telling him I want to go for a break and not come back but I'm worried if I don't get it cancelled I may not be able to access any benefits in the UK as I'm still a resident here?

OP posts:
omarlarge · 13/02/2019 09:38

OP, please don't give him the passports. My blood is running cold reading this. This may be a stupid question, but is there a British Embassy where you are. If so could you ask for help?

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:39

Fantastic, so you are in a great position to help op. I am not sure what we disagree on, as you appear to be telling her to leave as well.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 09:39

Snipples I have posted on Brit mums Dubai some details I may have changed I can't remember

OP posts:
Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:40

I would think twice before telling the embassy or anyone at all what you are planning to do. The embassy operates under the law of host country, and op has close to zero rights there.

Be smart, be calm and come home

Brightburn · 13/02/2019 09:42

OP - Why aren't you listening to the advice people are giving you???

You're 100% certain you want to leave and not to return and that's what you're planning to do... Then WHY? WHY are you giving your husband the opportunity to stop you???

Just GO!!! FGS GO!

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:42

The UK benefits etc are secondary to yours and dd safety.

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