DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

[Changedforthis000]

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do

It is illegal to leave UAE without cancelling residency visa.

The absconding rules look very complicated, but... often people successfully apply for amnesty, last yr was a blanket amnesty. He can probably cancel the visa without her after she leaves (story here). I wouldn't let this stop me leaving if I were OP.

I'm perplexed at how little awareness you appear to have about this kind of situation.

Do not worry about absconding - just go. He will just let the visas lapse which they will naturally do after six months. Processing anyone as an absconder is very expensive so he won't do this.

It is not illegal to simply leave without cancelling. Just go.

Yup, get your DD and her passport, get on a flight and never mind about this prick. Let him stay in whatever woman-hating country he wanted to keep you in.

DO NOT under any circumstances give him your passports and say you have changed your mind and want to stay. Then ring up the airline and move the flights forward. You are in an incredibly vulnerable position. Act quickly and don't tell anyone. Are you in a country where women need their husband's permission to travel?

Once home to the UK, he will most likely turn super lovely again and try to persuade you how unreasonable it would be to keep the children from him. Please send them (and/or you) just for a holiday. DO NOT go or allow your children to go. Seek legal advice about ensuring their passports have notes put on to stop their dad abducting them and insist any contact happens in the UK.

This is a well worn path and you still have time to escape it! Please!

I think this is one of the scariest threads I’ve read in a long time :(

I can't change the flights again, he will get notified by email as he was the one who booked them initially.

Book new ones to leave today to the first flights to a European country going.
You are so so vulnerable. If a tiger was about to eat your child, you would RUN like hell. This is an equivalent emergency.

Can you go to the airport and change your flights to the nearest departure and get on that?

Have you got a friend or relative who could book a flight for you from home?

It'll be the same deal if you try and book yourself as the banks text when you withdraw money or spend on card (assuming joint account).

You need to start acting under the radar. Reach out to British Mums Dubai for advice.

I have lived in the middle east. I'm not exaggerating. I know you have so many thoughts and feelings right now. But please put all of them in a box until you are home and just ACT. Right now.

Okay, can you book new flights? As your parents/ friends in UK/family to do it for you. Then be as calm and nice to him until you are on that flight.

On the day of your flight take almost nothing beyond your most precious thing, tell him you are seeing a friend for the day.

I am not sure you need to scared op, he might very well do the right thing, but I wouldn’t want to wait around to find out

Can you book new flights today using a credit card or some money he doesn't know about? Could friend in Uk book flights for you on their card & you find a way to pay them back in future?

Good advice from Snipples

OP I'm really sorry for your situation it sounds terrible.

I think you need to do your own research on the legalities, look online for official sources and maybe speak with the British Embassy, there is one in Dubai and one in Abu Dhabi.

I have no idea what the visa requirements are and neither do most of the people commenting on here. You will just get yourself wound up and panicky if you listen to all the conflicting advice.

Stay safe and let us know when you are safely back in the UK.

I don't want to just leave though I feel I owe it to him to get the chance to give our daughter a hug before we go.
I know what I sound like.
I will go with him tomorrow after the appointment at the hospital to cancel the visas if needed.

OP that hug could cost you and both of your children your freedom. If he wants to hug them he can come to the UK and do it. Get out ASAP.

At the moment our laws do not give women the protection they need from these vile controlling men. Much more needs to be done.

Embassies in countries like the one the OP is in need a dedicated safeguarding person able to intervene quickly and provide emergency travel documents to get women home.

It should be illegal to have a religious marriage without a legal marriage that confers full marital rights. Marriages abroad should be registered with the UK, just as births are, with the requirement of a full translation of the certificate.

These sorts of measures would go some way to protecting British Muslim women who find themselves in situations lie the OP's. I think they are sadly far more common than many of us realise.

So it’s all sorted now.

He can give your dd a hug in the UK. He can come and see her whenever he wants in the UK and hug her all day every day. This not goodbye op, as I am sure once you are safely home arrangements can be made/he may also return.

You have to put your DD first and your unborn baby and get them home. As soon as humanely possible.

You are in more danger than you seem to realise... please listen

I feel sick with worry. Please update us when you are safely home.

Oh gosh I feel so nervous for you OP.

I hope you get out safely with your daughter. Please go as soon as you can.

GO BACK TO YOUR PARENTS

There is no other sane option.

Take everything that’s important to you and get the fuck out of there x

OP - before you do anything I strongly encourage you to reach out the the Mums forums based out here. You can search for info re similar situations and what happened to other mums. You'll get real advice based on the country you're in.

You need to stop blindly trusting this man. You have left yourself incredibly vulnerable and worryingly don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation (sorry to be blunt but that's how I see it). There was a case recently of one mum who's Emirati MIL processed the new borns passport without her knowledge and now she can't leave the country with her own child. She is now stuck as even if she divorces, she can't get out with her son.

You need to find out what steps you (and more concerningly he) can take before you do anything. Hoping for the best is not a good plan. Good luck.

That is a really bad idea. Imagine your dd is in this situation in years to come. What would you tell her to do?

He is not going to change, he is not suddenly going to turn into the man you want him to be, the man he should be. Listen to what everyone is telling you. This is serious.