DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

[Changedforthis000]

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do

That's good. Thank you for letting the thread know you're ok. I'm going to subside and stop asking questions but if events take a turn I'm sure you know you have people wishing you well and offering support if it's needed.

What day is your flight booked for. Just hang in there.

Definitely get in touch with his family, group What's App, DD and I are coming home for a visit, anything you'd like us to bring? When's a good time to visit you?

I do think it will make it harder for him to stop you if it means disappointing his parents.

Good luck

It sounds like playing it calm and sticking to your plan is the best way to go.

Hopefully he has put it at the back of his mind and assuming you are coming back or given up trying to change your mind and is starting to detach into his new reality.

Roll on flights.

Thanks for updating OP. Really wishing you well. I think the contact with his family is good. Breezy and as though there's no doubt you will go back.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you. Just do stay calm and safe.

It’s hard for us to tell whether your ‘H’ would just be happy with you gone and to call it quits, or whether he would try to detain his child, or children. You obviously know him better than we do and I don’t like the catastrophising that can urge urgent action rather than smart action on your part. That said, keep at the forefront of your mind that when you agreed to marry this man, you thought you knew him, things have taken an awful turn despite your second pregnancy and now you can’t read him, or what he’s up to. What you think you know about his character is gone now.

Keep your mind open as to what he might be capable of, cover all your tracks and stay one step ahead of him. Log out of your account here and clear your browsing history, leave no trail.

Good luck with everything. Hope you’re soon safely home.

@SandyY2K

The original post implied that if she leaves him he will divorce her and marry someone else.

It is actually something that some African men would say and do!

Thank you for updating op💐
You have lots of us behind you. Nothing too add beyond making sure your trusted friend there knows to post on here, and make sure it is headed well so we all see it. And obv all over SM if something goes wrong. There is power in numbers.

The days are going by. Keep going. Calm and together. Get in touch with everyone in the UK about your ‘holiday’ and chat to dh about your plans. Did he say anything about the visa op? Or next week? Is he even talking to you?

@deadliftgirl

The OP did not imply he would divorce her and remarry, because polygamy is legal in that country. As such he wouldn't need to get divorced.

Despite what some posters are advising, do not put anything on social media, WhatsApp, texts or emails to suggest you're only going back temporarily, for a holiday. If you do this, he could use it as evidence you tricked him, and have therefore taken his daughter to live in the UK without his consent. This would really act in his favour in court.

Good luck op, I hope it all works out ok for you.

Hope the weekend passes uneventfully for you op and you get home safe.

Good point spreading although I think the biggest concern right now is getting op to a place of safety.

The British legal system would take into account the pressure op was under to leave safely. If she in a court in the ME she won’t have the same rights or any, and her dh will decide what happens to her and dd.

The British legal system would take into account the pressure op was under to leave safely

They'd be more concerned about the Hague Convention.

If she in a court in the ME she won’t have the same rights or any, and her dh will decide what happens to her and dd

You don't half talk a lot of nonsense.

Did you previously post as 'sadwidow'?

If I may ask, is your husband an African man? Your statement about his threats to marry someone else sounds like something an African man may say.

is it impossible for people to support OP without making offensive generalisations?

This is really scary. Hope you get back ok OP.

I've just read the thread in full and am totally confused. One minute you say you're going back and never intend to come back so leaving the oh you say you love dearly, but then you get upset when he tells you he will marry someone else. That almakes no sense, or was your hope that after lying to him about going there only to give birth, he would somehow decide to move back in the UK to be with you?

I'm also not getting why you are so desperate to give up on your mariage with a man you love just because you don't like living there. Are you a tuslly being abused but not mentioned it? Surely you ant be wanting to move back for good taking your two children from their father just because you've decided you don't like living there (a place many Brits have moved to because it offers a better life than in the UK).

Then some posts you intimate that your dh will do anything to stop your daughter going but you then say that he won't really care anyway and won't do anything about it.

This whole thread is very confusing and either way, very sad. Ultimately, you are kidnapping your children, whether this is for their best or not no reader can judge.

How is it 'kidnapping', swing? OP is coming back to the UK for a better life, with more opportunities for her and the dc - not just for him.

She is not removing them permanently from him - he is also a British citizen and could also come and go from UK as he wishes.

She is not even sure if she is actually married or not. That is no way to live in a civilised country.

@swingofthings I'm finding your post hard to follow due to all the typos and also unhelpful to the OP.

Hope time is passing by quickly OP 

@swingofthings where did I say dh will do anything to stop my daughter going? I started getting worried after posters were talking about him stopping me from leaving etc.

If you have read what I said you will see that I initially wanted to go back to the UK to have the baby, DH said no and if I leave then he will marry someone else. And I am not desperate to give up, if you have read the thread you will see that even after DH said he will remarry if I leave I have told him to please reconsider and come back to the Uk too.
I am not willing to stay here after what he has said and continues to repeat to me.

@swingofthings also how am I kidnapping? H knows I am going, I haven't told him I am coming back, we haven't even spoke enough for me to tell him anything. I think maybe you have read every other post except for mine.

I’d make sure the baby is born in the UK so you don’t fall into the trap that if the baby is born in the country you imigrated to it might make things difficult when you want to take the baby to the UK. I donmt know what the immigration/ citizenship laws are over there but I’d read up on them pronto.

And his reaction to you saying you wan to give birth in the UK was not normal. No surprise it escalated to you not wanting to come back to the other country at all.

@DrinkFeckArseGirls baby will definitely be born in the UK, once I go home I'm not coming back!

You sound like you are thinking everything through very carefully. Stay calm for your unborn baby and daughter. It sounds as if he is throwing threats at you - which don’t make sense if he really loves you - and you are right not to be bullied by them. Take care.