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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

658 replies

Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 06:35

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do Sad

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 14/02/2019 08:50

Thinking of you OP.

Springwalk · 14/02/2019 09:08

You have a plan op.
What day is your flight? Not long to wait really. Maybe bringing the flights forward would cause suspicion anyway.

I would definitely consider involving his family, he is far less likely to instigate a travel ban if they are looking forward to seeing dd. Just a thought. Anything you can do to encourage him to do the right thing has got to help.

You sound flat today. Amongst your other worries about leaving, I am sure you must also feel so let down and sad about your dh. This is largely secondary to yours and dds safety, but I imagine you must be very upset it has come to this.

Once you are home you can start putting your life back together. 💐💐

blueshoes · 14/02/2019 09:19

No more mention from H about passports which is a bit strange. He came home last night, went to sleep and left for work this morning so I don't know what's happening there.

Hopefully his visa cancelling and second wife threat was just for effect, to make you feel bad about going back to the UK. Hoping he does not see your visit to the UK as final. Continue to keep things normal as possible and on the fiction that this is just a visit and you and dd will be coming back. Stay strong.

Bearbehind · 14/02/2019 09:22

Be careful OP - your husband sounds to be acting very oddly now.

Do you have a shared iCloud account because if you do he can see every page you visit on your devices.

stitchwitch84 · 14/02/2019 09:24

@Changedforthis000 I'm probably not alone but I reported the (IMO extremely) offensive post and it has now been deleted.

I have nothing practical to offer you but I hope and pray you'll get out safely. Best of luck with your scan.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 14/02/2019 09:29

No more mention from H about passports which is a bit strange.

Is there any chance at all he has seen this thread or your post on the other forum you posted on?

Could he have installed key logger on your phone?

He came home last night, went to sleep and left for work this morning

Is that normal for him?

TiReDmUmone · 14/02/2019 09:37

Best of luck OP I hope you and DD have a safe return to the UK and that all will go well

Springwalk · 14/02/2019 09:41

I must admit op, I felt worried when he went to his room on his phone, and also not speaking about the visa or passports.

Silence is not always a sign something has simply been dropped. Is he acting out of character op?

Abitlost2015 · 14/02/2019 10:03

OP maybe talk to him about your plans for when you come back so that he doesn’t worry about you leaving?

JingsMahBucket · 14/02/2019 11:07

@Changedforthis000 Why did the hospital cancel the scan? I’m concerned that your husband may have done it without you knowing.

Springwalk · 14/02/2019 16:18

Was the scan okay op?

Toughmonkeys · 14/02/2019 16:50

Hope everything OK with OP, it's been a chilling read this thread!

Topseyt · 14/02/2019 16:58

Springwalk, she said the scan was cancelled.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 14/02/2019 17:44

It sounded like the scan was rescheduled to later in the day as OP talked of having to get childcare for DD. I hope it wasn’t the DH that rescheduled it so he could go to the visa office while OP was at the scan.

Interceptor999 · 14/02/2019 17:56

Wave bye bye to him and on your way out say pass on my regards to your new wife!

Springwalk · 14/02/2019 18:17

I read that the scan was rescheduled topseyt

AldiProsecco · 14/02/2019 18:33

Can you put the email address that the notification would come through to in to spam? or block it somehow?

Perfectlyimperfectineveryway · 14/02/2019 20:43

You ok OP?

deadliftgirl · 14/02/2019 22:06

@Changedforthis000

I am so sorry for what you are passing through. If I may ask, is your husband an African man? Your statement about his threats to marry someone else sounds like something an African man may say.

Why is it your unhappy where you are? What is making you want to leave? Does your husband know how you feel? I think you should sit down your husband and ask him if he doesn't want to go to the UK then what does he propose to do to change your circumstances and make you feel better as you have to change something and your current living arrangement are making you very unhappy.

Ask him to think about it. Tell him its not that you want to leave him but that you need to be happy and you are not happy at the moment. I would also have a back up plan sorted in case you need to leave in a case of emergency.

Your in a strange country and I am guessing you have no one else.

So have your passports with you at all times or somewhere safe, try to safe or keep money aside and have a secret bag packaged incase you need to leave without notice. I really wish it does not come down to this but some countries have different laws when it comes to children and what happens when a marriage break downs. If you feel you need to leave then play nice, do not let him think your taking his child, act like you are fine now and then book the flight and go without telling him. I worry if he catches you before you board the flight he will remove your child from your custody and the law may be on his side. Once you are in the UK you will have more protection.

I really pray it does not come down to this though!

SandyY2K · 14/02/2019 23:35

@deadliftgirl

The statement is what a man who practices polygamy would say...not what an African man would say.

OP... I was just wondering if there's a reason you only did the Nikah in the UK and not a registry marriage as well.

It's beginning to sound like he wanted to keep the door open all along. I just find it odd that him knowing a proper legal marriage was required to live in the ME as a family... why wait until you got there to do it.

There was a poster here recently who had not married legally and discovered her H had another wife and 3 children...after marrying her. As the Nikah is not legal, he isn't deemed a bigamist.

I wish you well.

tartantroosers · 15/02/2019 01:13

What a chilling thread. Hope you get back ok, OP

Springwalk · 15/02/2019 05:46

Op are you okay?

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 15/02/2019 06:11

Hi all, I'm ok. Hospital appt went ok, it was the hospital that rescheduled it directly with me due to the doc being in surgery.
It's weekend so won't be on to post much. Still have passports. Just want time to go quick and get to the flight date!

OP posts:
friskybivalves · 15/02/2019 06:19

Good to know you're ok. Hope the weekend goes smoothly in the run-up to departure date. Do you have plans to do stuff as a family?

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 15/02/2019 06:26

No plans, I don't even know where H is. He left early this morning and said he'll be back this afternoon. So enjoying the morning with dd.

OP posts:
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