DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

[Changedforthis000]

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do

On another point you might want to investigate British nationality as this becomes less automatic if you were to have your child overseas and then in the future if she/he then has child overseas, that child may have difficulty becoming a British national.

Do you think he would believe that you had changed your mind and are planning to come back in a few weeks?

I might be tempted to ensure that a return ticket for you and DD from the UK to the country you are currently in is already booked before you depart.

Would that help to keep him convinced that you will be coming back? I don't know.

How far away from your home or his work is the airport?

Does he have to respond to the text to show he agrees with your DD leaving?

Or is it just a notification for information for him?

Airport is around 30 mins away

Sorry I am reading all the replies just sorting dinner for dd and H will be home soon

Don’t put yourself at any risk to update this thread. This thread isn’t important. What matters is that you and DD are safe and getting on that flight. And make sure to be at that appointment tomorrow. Can’t stress that enough.

I only found out recently that British people are allowed to get 2 passports, so you can have a spare one. I thought I'd post in case this is useful for anyone in a similar position to the OP.

I haven’t had time to read the whole thread....but if you have to go to an embassy or consulate to get your visa cancelled for travel......will they hold on to your passport(s) for a few days? If so, will they return them to you, your husband or is it done through an agency?

Also if the worst comes to the worst, do take a look at this website - it is a British charity helping people in international child abduction cases and there is a helpline and forum - but lots of practical advice too:

www.reunite.org

You are entitled to NHS care op, and will not need to pay for it, I assure you.

Don’t let him see this thread op. Make sure it is hidden.

Op can you organise to 'drop' his phone in water just before are going to the airport, or 'lose' it somehow...another poster suggested this and l think it may help....if you can stop him getting notification long enough to get on a plane you will be ok

Hide your and dd passport. Carry on as normal. Let him think everything is normal. Get out with dd, go home and consider it a lucky escape. After baby is born you can tell him then you are not coming back. Don't tell him now or he could make life difficult for you to leave with dd. Good luck.

Hi @Changedforthis000 I'm reading this thread with a knot in my stomach and would like to advise you for some techy stuff. (I work in tech industry and travel quite a bit.)

• Get a new email address that he doesn't have access to at all. Use a password that he would never guess. Do not use birthdates, names spelled backwards, whatever.

• Buy a throwaway mobile phone with your UK debit or credit card that can fit your UK SIM in it. Repeat the same password strategy. Make sure it's your UK cards that you use to buy it so there's no flag. If need be, ask one of your friends back in the UK to deposit some money in your account.

• Change the passwords on all your critical accounts now, if possible.

• If you're tech savvy enough or there's another trustworthy woman who can help you, wipe your computer operating system and re-install the operating system in case he's installed monitoring software or a key logger on there. When you have everything set up brand new again like the factory settings, only download the most necessary applications to your computer like a browser or the calculator, whatever. No movie programs, no movie downloading software, nothing. But do just enough so he doesn't get suspicious. So if you normally listen to Spotify on your computer with the app, then re-install that.

• Create a cloud storage account with a service like Dropbox, iCloud or Box. Dropbox has a free up until 2GB account. Give access to people in the UK that you trust but who won't blab like you said your mother would. Upload images of your passports, marriage certificate, airline tickets, birth certificates, etc there.

• Remember that throwaway phone I mentioned before? Download the apps for Dropbox, etc on to your new phone and have those documents easily accessible there, especially in case there's no signal or wifi in the airport.

• Print out the airline tickets. Print out the copies of your passports. Print out the photograph of your marriage certificate. Print out the digital copies/photographs of your birth certificates, etc. Hide them all in a place where he wouldn't look. This could be you buying a new purse for the trip that he doesn't know about and hiding them in there. Spread multiple copies around your luggage / packed items, like inside socks, etc.

If I think of more, I'll post. Good luck. I'm hoping you get out.

On another point you might want to investigate British nationality as this becomes less automatic if you were to have your child overseas and then in the future if she/he then has child overseas, that child may have difficulty becoming a British national.

This isn't true at all. You apply for a British birth certificate as a British national born abroad. I've done it. And DS only has me as a British Parent, her child will have two.

And just in case it isn't clear @Changedforthis000, when you create the Dropbox account, make sure to use your brand new clean email address instead of your existing one. I would even make 2 new email address in case one of them gets compromised.

BTW, I'm speaking from the perspective of someone whose father seized her mother's passport and one of her brother's passport and skipped the country where we were living at the time. It irrevocably changed our family's lives and history. Really horrible. Please do not let this happen to you or your daughter.

Op at what stage is the immigration check? You could check in and then leave it to the very last minute? Is that possible?
I am concerned about the activation of a text to your dh. It is possible he could alert the authorities and stop you? Are there any other airports you could travel out of?
For instance if you were in Dubai, you could fly out of Abu Dhabi, it is just an hour away by car. I am not sure if this feasible where you are?
I very much doubt the airports and systems would be linked up to that degree in different parts of the Emirates. Also make sure you are wearing western clothes and no hijab etc if you wear one. They are far less likely to stop you, or question you and won’t expect you to be accompanied if they think you are on holiday. Confidence is everything.

If you aren’t able to physically leave without your dh becoming aware because of immigration. Then ask him to come back with you to see his family, and you can see yours. Once home you are safe, and don’t need to return.

Alternatively you need to tell your parents in absolute secrecy, and they need to call and tell him one of them has terminal cancer, you need to come back and see them. I doubt he would prevent you under those circumstances, esp if your parents were involved, and he could t ‘check’ the information on SM, or other ways as most people keep that kind of diagnosis quiet initially until close family all know.

Whatever route you choose it has to be bullet proof and carefully thought through.

These ideas may not be helpful, but one may work.

Your dh may be perfectly reasonable about you leaving, and dd, but it is a risk given where you are. You have to be so careful.

You are entitled to NHS care op, and will not need to pay for it, I assure you.

She will get it as looking others have had no problems when they move back but someone who's lived more in the last year in another country than the UK isn't a UK resident and not entitled to NHS care. It isn't a simple as being British and automatically having NHS care.

We are all here op. Even if you can’t reply now. Don’t risk him suspecting something is up.

Does anyone else in RL know the situation you are in?

@Springwalk the check is just after putting the bags in and it doesn't matter which airport here he still gets notified.
I only wear western clothes anyway, no hijab or anything.
He's home now but has gone straight to bed on his phone I guess. I will hopefully know more tomorrow if he insists on cancelling the visas but if he does I will make sure I go with him and not just hand over the passports. Still, I doubt he would stop us from going tbh it's too much like hard work for him

Has he always been able to get access to your phone, OP? If so, I would be concerned in case he has put a tracker on it, or can see what your on.

@Springwalk no not the full extent. Mum knows I'm going home and one person here who I trust and doesn't know DH

I would get a new phone. Can you get a buy as you go, where you are? Stop using your phone for Mumsnet or anything that might give him the heads up.

@IDoN0tCare nah he can't see what I'm on he would of said something. He doesn't have access as such I'm just not secretive with it