Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

658 replies

Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 06:35

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 09:52

That's what I will do Primal as I'm almost due my first scan. I have one tomorrow but that's because they scan every time you go the the hospital here!

OP posts:
C1rrus · 13/02/2019 09:52

What does this mean?

I meant that it’s sorted because OP has the advice she asked for and has made her decision not to follow it. Might not be what we want to read, but there it is.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 09:52

Well I suggest you continue to tel him you love him and get out.

You can always fly back and this does not mean you are leaving for good op. Come home quietly, reflect and think about your future in a country where you have rights.

explodingkitten · 13/02/2019 09:53

The problem is that if you are wrong about him it could end up with you never seeing your children again in a worse case scenario. He could very easily marry a second wife who will take care of them. Do you want to take that chance? Are you that sure about him?

Lacypants · 13/02/2019 09:53

Can your parents book you a flight to get home sooner? Secretly. Or a friend? If I had the money and a friend asked me for this I would pay for them to get out.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 09:53

Flamingo the marriage isn't registered in the UK and I have no idea what our marriage certificate states as it is in the language of this country

OP posts:
Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 09:56

I could get a flight but as soon as I pass immigration he gets notified by text message as our visa is sponsored by him. Then nothing stopping him from coming to the airport and slapping a ban on our daughter (he cannot ban me)

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2019 09:56

Forget the U.K. benefits. Those are details and can easily be addressed once you’re back home. You and your dd are both British citizens. The visa won’t matter a jot.

This is your children’s lives. Just come home and sort it out when you get here.

Get your parents tobook you and your dd on the first available flight and come home. Now!

C1rrus · 13/02/2019 09:56

Flamingo the marriage isn't registered in the UK and I have no idea what our marriage certificate states as it is in the language of this country

What was the reason for two British nationals to go to another country and get a non-legal marriage in a language that at least one of them doesn’t understand?

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2019 09:56

Cross post. Oh dear!

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 13/02/2019 09:57

Get out as quickly as possible, preferably today. Everything else can be sorted out afterwards.

Do NOT tell him you are leaving.

Do not take ANY chances with your safety or that of your children.

This is extremely serious - wake up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2019 09:57

Ok then play the long game. Take your dd on holiday somewhere for s couple of weeks and escape from there.

Brightburn · 13/02/2019 09:59

Sneak his phone away tonight, switch it off and then hide it somewhere. Leave.

MotherofTerriers · 13/02/2019 09:59

Tell him you just want to come back to the UK for a rest/to see your mum/for a check up with a UK doctor and to book your maternity care. Then just don't go back
Forget telling him/one last hug. You are in grave danger of not being able to leave without leaving your daughter behind.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 10:00

I think the technicalities are a side issue. If you have the marriage certificate being it back, it can be translated easily. I wouldn’t wait around to tie up the loose ends, this can easily be done in the UK.

Your dh has his head turned there, he has lost all sense of morality. He may very well come to his senses once you have left.

As you know, no one is left destitute in the UK you will be fine once you are home, and safe.

LavendarBlue · 13/02/2019 10:01

Sneak his phone away tonight, switch it off and then hide it somewhere. Leave.

Yes this. Go for a walk and bin it somewhere or something. Then go tomorrow.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/02/2019 10:02

Can we stop with the drama llama postings?

The OP has flights booked, agreed by the husband, and it sounds like she has a good plan regarding the visa.

Nicking his phone, changing flights, running without telling him are all pretty much guaranteed to make things worse for the OP. She has already pointed out that he could ban her from leaving with her DD and isnt going to do that, but probably will if she makes a dramatic run for the airport.

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 10:03

Op this does not need to be so final.

Your dh can come and see dd whenever he likes, she won’t thank you for that one last hug if it means she is trapped there indefinitely and all that will mean for her life....

7yo7yo · 13/02/2019 10:05

I’ve just read the full thread and feel physically sick.
Op you are at best naive at worst deliberately obtuse.
He will let you go, he will get married again, he will keep his daughter.
Get out.

EatingElephantsIsCF · 13/02/2019 10:06

Can you accidentally put his phone through the washing machine or something !
You say you are not recognised as legally married in UK.
OP ...you need to go back to your family. You cannot give him any inkling that you are thinking of not returning.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 10:06

Will not be taking his phone and just doing a runner. He has his phone on him 24/7 anyway

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 13/02/2019 10:07

OP are you sure he has even booked the flights?

Have you any access to your own money to book your own flights?

Springwalk · 13/02/2019 10:07

Pyong

You are making a very big and potentially dangerous assumption that dh is going to let her and dd leave.

I beg to differ.

The flights may very well be booked for next week, but that doesn’t mean he will allow her to go.

Big risk isn’t it? In a country where she has zero rights

Gonzales27 · 13/02/2019 10:07

I agree that this is very serious but this is becoming very panicky and the op need to stay calm and focussed.

I feel for you op, aside from all the visa/escaping stuff you must also be feeling heartbroken that the man you love could say this! Also I assume that you DH snd DD have a loving relationship so you will also be very anxious about her feelings and will want to avoid any trauma for her. Thanks

Give yourself a big hug, try to think clearly and then go with your gut feeling.

Whatever course of action you take try to not to be openly aggressive towards you DH, you need to keep him onside and believing that you don't hate him.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 10:08

Yes I rebooked the flights as they were originally booked for the summer. I have notification, e-tickets etc

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread